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AIBU?

...to ask you what are your curfew times are for your teens?

58 replies

Bigglassofwineplease · 19/05/2017 21:45

What time do your 14, 15 and 16 year olds have to be home by in the evening? Need some feedback.....

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ThePinkOcelot · 19/05/2017 21:48

My dd (15) is in at 10 on a Friday night. Earlier through the week. That's probably early to some, but I like her in.

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Bigglassofwineplease · 19/05/2017 21:49

Yeah, 10pm here but it's dark now. Don't like it but all his friends are out too. Some stay out til 11pm....what are they doing til then?

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Clayhead · 19/05/2017 21:55

10pm here, earlier in the week.

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Stoneagemum · 19/05/2017 21:55

12pm for ds from 15, he was always back earlier but had the longest walk home out of his group of friends so midnight was my cut off to worry but never happened. He is now 17 and knows to tell me if it will be after 12 so I don't worry although there is no curfew now.

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friendlessfred · 19/05/2017 21:56

No set time, we discuss it before they go out as it depends who they are out with and where they are going. If they want me to collect them then it's 10pm if I am working the next day.

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skippy67 · 19/05/2017 21:58

1130ish at weekends, 10 on weekdays. 16yo dd. She doesn't go out much though on weekdays. She likes her bed too much!

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onemorecupofcoffeefortheroad · 19/05/2017 22:01

We had 9.30 from 15 -16
From age 16 it was:
1030 On week-days
1130 at weekends
He's now nearly 17 and we've agreed 11pm with an occasional midnight at weekends.
He keeps stretching it though!

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Bigglassofwineplease · 19/05/2017 22:02

Struggling with darkness/safety.....can't relax until they are home. I know I can trust them but not sure how I can be more chilled. Daren't have my bigglassofwine these days in case I get a random 'can you pick me up' call....

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UnicornMadeOfPinkGlitter · 19/05/2017 22:06

I feel mean now.
Ds2 is 15 and doesn't go out in the week as he plays various sports and likes to go running or to the gym if he's not training.

Friday and Saturday he has to be in by 8.30-9. He's a sensible boy and hates hanging around the park or streets and has never complained. I might be a bit more lenient and say 9.30. 10 seems so late as we're often in bed by then.

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BadToTheBone · 19/05/2017 22:11

Friday and Saturday, 10pm if just out and about or 11pm if he's at a mates house.
15 yo ds

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Westray · 19/05/2017 22:14

One of the hardest times for parenting, how long to make the leash...

I have a 19 year old and a 17 year old. I live in a very safe area, but it's a bit of a walk from the bus stop along a dark winding road.

Much easier when they were 4 years old and tucked up in bed by 7pm on a Friday night.

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tabithaa · 19/05/2017 22:18

My mum had me in at 9:30 - 10pm when I was 16! I hated it, now I think I could be the same, lol.

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OhTheRoses · 19/05/2017 22:18

Sunday to Thursday after school activities unless planned and agreed in advance. Because they have school the following morning and probably homework. Up to 18 or the end of sixth form. Fridays and Saturdays they have had freedom providing we have known where they are and who they are with. a,bit

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Bigglassofwineplease · 19/05/2017 22:21

I enjoyed the younger years so much. From 10 I've found it challenging....and now as older teens....worrying. They know right from wrong but you never know what could happen. I need to find distractions whilst they are out....but I feel all my weekends aren't my own....in case I am needed...

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UterusUterusGhali · 19/05/2017 22:23

15yo 2100-2200 on non school night but she has to wear high vis and she's only walking home through the village.

Maybe later if being driven home from a party.

She has a grey reflective waistcoat she wears over her coat and a high vis bag cover for when she has a rucksack.

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Bigglassofwineplease · 19/05/2017 22:25

Mine aren't allowed out on a school night unless it's a bday or activity...so at least I only have to worry during the holidays and weekends

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PandaG · 19/05/2017 22:27

DS 17 - rarely out during the week, unless at the youth group.he helps at or babysitting, but no curfew as such, he is home at a sensible time, say 10 if with mates, may be a bit later if babysitting but he gets a lift home. He is at the occasional party at weekends, and has to be home for midnight.
Dd is 15, again she is only out at organised activities during the week, latest of which is explorer scouts, she has a lift home and is usually in by 9.40. She doesn't go out at weekends yet particularly, but if she was invited to a birthday party or similar we would probably pick her up by 11.

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Funnyfarmer · 19/05/2017 22:32

When dd turned 16. There was no set rules. She hardly ever goes out on a school night. If she does it's just to a friend's house and is never no later than 8. And that's rare.
Weekends and holidays. Usual no later than 10. Any later than that she will usually stay at the friends she's at.
If it's a party or a some other kind of event. She can be out later than midnight. That's only happen twice and she's always come back with friends or brought home by an appropriate adult.
Before 16 she's always had strict rules in place.
She 1st started to play out when she was 6. In time was 7.00. At 9 it went up to 7.30
12 it went up to 8.00. By the time she was 15 it went up to 9:30. Barring special occasion

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Bigglassofwineplease · 19/05/2017 22:33

I guess I should only start to worry when they don't stick to the curfew....

I went out for a rare meal with my bf and ds called me mid bottle to say could I pick him up. I couldn't and felt so guilty for being a bad mother. Luckily one if the other parents picked him up with their ds and dropped him off. I have to have a life occasionally too though....argh!

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Westray · 19/05/2017 22:36

THings change so quickly at this age though,

My teens don't go out much, but things change so quickly.
At 15 you can curfew and agree times, just a short one or two years later then it's a whole different ball game.
By 18 you can't set a curfew really.

It's the keeping up with the rapid maturity that is difficult.
Kids are young for such a long time, then they develop into adults over just a few short years.
That's the bit that's hard to straddle.

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Bigglassofwineplease · 19/05/2017 22:39

I feel like I am slowly turning into a hotel....and have to be on point as soon as I am needed at a moments notice....how to achieve balance for the good of all who live in the house....

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Bigglassofwineplease · 19/05/2017 22:41

Oh, I've just realised that I've defined the word 'parent' !!

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Stoneagemum · 19/05/2017 22:43

I don't drive, I don't know if this has affected my teen in anyway but he has always known that although mum will always help, I would not just be there. I would be a bus/taxi away so had to take responsibility for himself. He knows that I would always pay for a cab on arrival as long as it came from a reasonable distance, but rescuing would take time and hasn't ever needed either. Whether this be just good luck, or his knowledge that mum couldn't just swoop in I will never know.

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Westray · 19/05/2017 22:43

OP it's the drinking that pisses me off too!!

OH and I work hard all week, he is often away or working late and we hardly get any time to catch up and even have a conversation.
I work until 3pm Saturday too, and it's literally the only night we can take some time to ourselves.
Ideally we like to sit and drink some wine, have a light meal and chat.
But Saturday ( like tomorrow) my 17 yo DD is going to a party, probably with flimsy clothes on and uncomfortable shoes.

So one of us doesn't drink, and leaves us feeling resentful or me a bad mother if I do drink, but it's no fun drinking alone, and defeats the purpose of the evening- leaving OH and I a fortnight without a decent conversation.
Tomorrow the plan is to ask a friend to stay the night here so they can walk with each other( I'll tell her to take pumps in her bag).
Otherwise it's me picking her up at midnight.

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happy2bhomely · 19/05/2017 22:53

DS is 16. He doesn't have a curfew. To be fair, he doesn't go out that much either. He studies every day after school and generally goes out early for football at the weekend. If he's out after 9ish, I pick him up or a friend's parent drops him home. I guess my limit would be a midnight pick up, unless it was an emergency.

I am happy for him to be out with friends. He's sensible and doesn't just hang around the streets. I prefer to know where he is and ask him to tell me when to expect him home, but then I ask my DH the same!

I have always told mine, (I have 5 dc) that the most important thing is that they know they can call me, day or night, and I will collect them from wherever they are if they need me, without judgment. They seem to understand that it is about safety rather than me trying to control them. I tell them that I try very hard to respect that they have a life that they want to live, but I ask them to appreciate that my whole world hinges on them coming back through that door safely.

I would draw the line at them doing anything that disrupted their school work or disturbed the rest of the family too much but I haven't had to deal with that yet.