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Husband sent a photo

(144 Posts)
Naughty1205 Fri 19-May-17 20:34:08

Sorry didn't know what to put in the title. I'm a sah Mother at the moment. Have 2 dcs 6 and 15 months. I'm on the go all the time and a bit ott about the house and tidying. I think it stems from me suffering from depression and anxiety and I feel better when the house is tidy and clean. I never show or tell the kids this and from looking around there are toys everywhere, dog hair like tumbleweed, I try my best to keep on top of it, rarely sit down for a cup of tea as can't take eyes off ds who is crawling and chewing plugs etc. Sometimes in the mornings I gather up all dirty bottles, baby dishes and bowls, spoons etc and soak them in sink.
I may not get around to washing them immediately as ds is a shite napper and wants up up etc. I just saw a text from dh to his pal with a photo of the bottles etc in the sink saying 'bottles and stuff left in sink, naughty gone to collect dd from school'. I'm really upset. Here I am trying to keep the place as best as I can, I'm not working and have no money, I cannot contribute to anything in the house but I feel like an unpaid skivvy. He is fine with money, I think, I get £90 a week from him into your account. Up to a year ago we split everything 50/50, both put same amount monthly to cover mortgage, bills etc. I feel like he is judging me. I know it bugs him of in leave stuff in the sink but it's not like.he has to wash them, I always do it eventually. I don't know what to think. Maybe I'm reading too much into this. I'm so embarrassed he is taking the piss out of me behind my back. I'm actually surprised. Aibu to be upset or am I being over sensitive? I don't know anymore. Thanks for reading this essay.

PuntasticUsername Fri 19-May-17 20:35:37

He's a twat. Yanbu.

Naughty1205 Fri 19-May-17 20:35:56

Sorry for typos, on phone 😈

Naughty1205 Fri 19-May-17 20:36:53

puntastic thanks that actually made me cry

Naughty1205 Fri 19-May-17 20:38:30

Also sorry for lack of paragraphs, I'm usually a grammar queen!

OkapiCarrot Fri 19-May-17 20:39:27

He's being awful.

You have a full time job enough looking after your baby. What's he doing sending a picture to his mate, other than showing what useless support he is?

testing123testing123 Fri 19-May-17 20:39:44

That's a really horrible thing for him to do. Instead of wasting time taking a photo and messaging his friend, could he not have washed them to help you out? So sorry, op

SantasLittleMonkeyButler Fri 19-May-17 20:41:29

Absolutely YANBU.

The only correct thing for him to do on seeing the full sink was to wash it all up!

It is not your washing up. They are not your chores. Housework belongs to all able-bodied adults in a household IMO.

DH sounds like a complete twat. I wonder if his mate was even remotely interested? confused

TeddyIsaHe Fri 19-May-17 20:41:33

What a complete bellend!! I'm fuming for you. YADNBU. You poor thing, you sound lovely and you definitely aren't being over sensitive, I don't have any advice but try not to let the plonker get to you flowers

missiondecision Fri 19-May-17 20:42:04

Yanbu at all to be upset and in fact betrayed.
He is a complete twat to do that. If it bothers him so perhaps he could them.
"Arse wipe im a bit rushed atm could you wash up the bottles, I know how much you ute to see them left unwashed".
Furthermore all money should be 50/50 unless you are irresponsible.
You are not his house keeper.

Domino20 Fri 19-May-17 20:42:33

Wow, how shit of him to criticise you behind your back like that. He's clearly in need of a sharp lesson in the reality of being at home with kids!

DesignedForLife Fri 19-May-17 20:43:17

Wow. That's horrible. What a jerk. I have two small DC and it's frequently a mess here. DH knows better than to moan.

What is the £90 a week meant to cover? Where's child benefit going?

missiondecision Fri 19-May-17 20:43:34

How much you "*hate*" them not ute

Babypassport Fri 19-May-17 20:43:40

You're definitely not being oversensitive. To give him the benefit of the doubt, he might well not realise what a twat he is being, but regardless it's something to raise with him rather than letting it fester.

cuckooplusone Fri 19-May-17 20:44:51

He is being a knob, it's tough with a littley

PickAChew Fri 19-May-17 20:45:02

He was completely out of order. You are not the hired help. it's his home, too.

Wanker.

IckleWicklePumperNickle Fri 19-May-17 20:46:57

Jesus he's a wanker. I would be fuming if my husband did something like that.

ScarlettFreestone Fri 19-May-17 20:47:06

I'd be furious. And would tell him so.

He'd be making his own dinner and washing his own clothes so a looooong time.

I'd also be leaving him for the entire day with the DC tomorrow. (7am - 7pm)

Cuppaoftea Fri 19-May-17 20:47:43

YANBU. It was cruel of him and instead of taking a photo why didn't he wash his child's bottles.

When they were babies/toddlers I'd leave bottles/dishes soaking in the sink while we dashed out on school runs for eldest. DH worked from home then and I'd often get back to find he'd washed them up while making a coffee so I didn't have to when we got home.

Your DH owes you a big apology and needs to start pulling his weight with the household chores.

Naughty1205 Fri 19-May-17 20:49:31

Thanks so much for your messages. I'm so embarrassed at the thought he was probably having a good laugh behind my back. I don't get a minute, I wish I could bugger off for a week so he could see what has to be done. It's all those little behind the scenes things that I are seamless so he doesn't even notice.
I'm actually surprised at him. It's a bit immature in fairness.
My longed for kids are my priority. Yes, maybe it's annoying seeing bottles in the sink but it's me who does them. They might be there for an hour or 2 and I add to the sink as I go through lunch with ds etc, it's nearly a way of storing them there until I get a chance to do them. He's just back from footie now and I don't know if I want to talk to him. I looked at his phone as there was a family occasion today.

CHJR Fri 19-May-17 20:50:33

What a disloyal man. Even if you HAD done something wrong (which you hadn't) how could he? I'd think whoever he texted thought hmm esp as he himself said you were just off picking up DD.
But more to the point, what's with the £909 allowance? Joint account, joint account, joint account.

SirVixofVixHall Fri 19-May-17 20:50:48

GRrrrrrr. I feel the rage now. I think you should book a lovely weekend away, and leave him with the dcs. He is completely out of order and I now feel like coming round to your house, dragging him to the sink, and dipping his face in washing up water. Repeatedly. angry for him,
flowers for you

Comedyusername Fri 19-May-17 20:51:08

Tell him to fuck right off.

I sometimes run through all the things I've done in a day just to reiterate that I do not sit eating cake all day long, which husband does assume. We both know he couldn't deal with the repetitiveness of looking after a house and children.

junebirthdaygirl Fri 19-May-17 20:51:39

Im sure his friend thinks he is a right ass sending that picture. What grown man would do that. Imagine you sent a picture of his dirty socks thrown on the floor. Brat! Its impossible with a baby to hget everything done when you would like to and l wouldnt be apologising for that if l was you.

PoorYorick Fri 19-May-17 20:54:23

He's a pig. And by the way, he should not be transferring money for you like a salary, there should be one account that both of you access. Because you are, you know, a family unit.

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