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re: husband cancelling date over out of date food

(80 Posts)
user1493543506 Thu 18-May-17 21:14:35

i do the food shop and do it in advance. had to freeze three things of fish. husband cancelled a night out saturday as we had a row over it. he wants all control over spending as he says i cant manage it properly. i get the bare minimum.

he really isn't interested in me any more is he, i had to beg for the dinner date and agreed to texting him a grocery list on wednesdays so no more waste but he is going back to his mothers every weekend from now on.

i had the baby sitter booked and everything and had him talked around.

my pride is really hurt by having to placate and beg - he is like this since we had children.

he earns 160,000 a year.

Fluffypinkpyjamas Thu 18-May-17 21:16:59

He sounds awful. Let him go to his bloody mothers full time not just weekends! What a knobber.

blueskyinmarch Thu 18-May-17 21:17:08

How much money does he give you? Do you work?

endofthelinefinally Thu 18-May-17 21:18:19

Legal advice asap.
What a horrible man.

Highalert Thu 18-May-17 21:22:10

Get rid.

DJBaggySmalls Thu 18-May-17 21:23:56

Please contact Womens Aid for a chat and some advice, this is financial abuse flowers

SquinkiesRule Thu 18-May-17 21:24:11

Straight to the solicitor.
You need the best solicitor his money can buy.

averylongtimeago Thu 18-May-17 21:24:34

He goes back to his mother's? Let him stay there! He sounds controlling and abusive.
A marriage should be an equal partnership, not one person being in charge while the other has to beg for crumbs.

Fruitcorner123 Thu 18-May-17 21:25:02

Yeah sounds like he is finding an excuse to not spend an evening with you and now he is going every weekend to his mum's! ?
How old are the children?

I am sorry OP but I'd doesn't sound like he is a very nice man and he sounds hard work to live with.

mummymummums Thu 18-May-17 21:26:08

This sounds like abuse - financial and emotional. You've done nothing wrong, and he sounds truly horrible. He was clearly looking for an excuse to cancel the date too.
Bluntly, yes, he seems to not want this relationship if he's now away every weekend, but hopefully you'll see this is best.
Do get good legal advice.

Fruitcorner123 Thu 18-May-17 21:26:14

Also you froze the fish you didnt waste it!!? Am i missing something?

d270r0 Thu 18-May-17 21:26:17

What a complete idiot. LTB. And I mean that seriously.

happypoobum Thu 18-May-17 21:26:56

Well if he really isn't interested in you any more you need legal advice.

How many DC do you have? If they are still in full time education you would get 15% of his net pay for one child and 20% if two or more.

Do you work? I think you should at least get legal advice so you know where you stand in case you decide to LTB.

Life shouldn't be like this, having to beg for attention. Who the fuck does he think he is?

mummymummums Thu 18-May-17 21:27:27

Btw - I'm terrible for letting food go out of date and having to chuck it but my husband doesn't bat an eyelid.

Bluntness100 Thu 18-May-17 21:32:37

You begged for a date with your own husband? And he went to stay with his mother over out of date fish? and shall stay there every weekend from now on?

If this is for real then please. Don't lower yourself like this. Tell him to stay at his mums, buy his own food and he will be paying maintenance from now on.

Ohb0llocks Thu 18-May-17 21:33:47

He's a control freak to say the least.

e1y1 Thu 18-May-17 21:35:41

Yes I am afraid he has "checked out" of the relationship. But in all fairness, he didn't sound that nice anyway - find someone who deserves you.

JulesJules Thu 18-May-17 21:40:15

What an absolute knob

user1493543506 Thu 18-May-17 21:40:18

he says i waste money and that he has been telling me for eleven years not to waste money. he goes through the fridge and checks the sell by dates and gives out. he gets very angry about it. i was really starting to hope we could get along. im always walking on egg shells trying to snatch little bits of happiness along the way. the very minute i think i can rely on him, he does these things. the childrne are quite young, five and two. im worn down. i gave up work to save the marriage. big mistake although i did build a good network of acquaintances. i long for intimacy, to be appreciated. to be loved. i try so hard every day guys. maybe there is something wrong with me like he says. he always tells me there is something wrong. i had a breakdown after he threatened to leave when the baby was born. he has used that against me ever since evne though ive rebuilt myself since then. he tells me he wishes he had left. ive no one to love me. no one normal will ever be interested in me. im a bit odd. thank you. im so sad. hes in watching tv now as i cry in the kitchen, i begged him to reconsider. he says he has given up trying.

NotQuiteJustYet Thu 18-May-17 21:41:43

What everyone else has said, get the best legal advice possible. He doesn't care about how you feel and that is no basis for a marriage. Let him bugger off to his mother's on a more permanent basis.

PatriciaHolm Thu 18-May-17 21:42:50

He's really done a number on you.

He's horrible, OP. This isn't a normal relationship.

NotQuiteJustYet Thu 18-May-17 21:43:20

P.S There is absolutely nothing wrong with you, he's eroding you self-worth and controlling you. This could be considered abuse if we're being honest.

Vrooooom Thu 18-May-17 21:45:40

Are you in the U.K.?

Fluffypinkpyjamas Thu 18-May-17 21:46:07

LTB. Agree with other PP. See a solicitor and get rid. He will have to support you and the children and earning as much as he does, he will pay heavily. Smug bastard.

MooMooCat Thu 18-May-17 21:47:32

What a horrible twat, it's not you it's him, get legal advice and LTB!

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