Talk

Advanced search

We already have 5 kids, I want 6, he doesn't.

(93 Posts)
INeedAGinOrTen Thu 18-May-17 19:44:38

Aibu? I would love another child. We already have a larger than average family having 5 children but my maternal body clock is ticking away loudly and I would absolutely love another. We have all girls. Hubby thinks I'm mental, that we have our hands more than full enough already. Aibu to feel really angry at him and like I have no choice. We are financially ok, have a good lifestyle and don't really go without so affordability isn't in question. We do have children with SEN so life can be hard work and quite hectic but we seem to do well with that. I know everyone will say I should just be happy with the family I have and I know that, if I could turn it off I would but I can't help how I feel.

SadieTheNurse Thu 18-May-17 19:45:51

She would you stop though?

SadieTheNurse Thu 18-May-17 19:46:17

confusedconfused when would you stop I mean

seven201 Thu 18-May-17 19:46:44

You're not unreasonable to feel a bit sad about it but your dh has said no so decision made. Enjoy the 5 you have.

MiddleClassProblem Thu 18-May-17 19:47:32

YABU to be angry at him.

SloanePeterson Thu 18-May-17 19:49:22

How would you cope if the new baby also has Sen? I'd love another dc as none of our dc are actually 'ours' as dh and I got married when I had 3 dc from another relationship, but one of mine has special needs which already cause a lot of difficulties for us. To bring another dc into that would be very difficult anyway, and if tjay child were also disabled in any way the guilt and added pressure would do me in. There does come a time when your head has to overrule biological urge.

MissionItsPossible Thu 18-May-17 19:50:37

This is something that you need to discuss as a couple raising a family, not posing it as a question on AIBU.

Bluntly, if your desire to have a sixth child overrides your relationship with him then you will need to make decisions what you are going to do about that. If the relationship means more then you will have to learn how to be happy with the family you have and try and find steps to turn 'it' off.

NellieFiveBellies Thu 18-May-17 19:51:12

think about the child.
is it right to bring a child into the world that isnt particularly wanted by the father?

5 children is a lot of people to raise to adulthood. i understand why he wants to stop there.
sorry. i know how awful it is to feel this way. i have 2 and always wanted 3. we decided to stop at 2 because of their disabilities. we needed to put all our resources into meeting their needs so the third child never happened. it still hurts though. i do understand. thanks

Westray Thu 18-May-17 19:52:17

Population growth is the single biggest threat that we face.

Having so many children depletes resources.

paxillin Thu 18-May-17 20:03:45

I would work on the anger, that is really unfair. You can only have a baby if you both agree, be that the 1st or the 9th. Did he even want 5? Maybe he thinks he has done his bit to compromise, 5 is a few more than most people want, perhaps he really is exhausted.

INeedAGinOrTen Thu 18-May-17 20:05:31

*This is something that you need to discuss as a couple raising a family, not posing it as a question on AIBU.*

Yes we have discussed it as a family, my AIBU was my anger towards him. However I think I already knew deep down that I was BU. I know that another child would be hard work, and another with SEN would be even harder. I just wish I could get my head and heart on the same page. Thank you for your replies.

NavyandWhite Thu 18-May-17 20:06:45

How old are your dc?

MerryMarigold Thu 18-May-17 20:07:18

I think you need to really consider whether you want another child or another baby. So many people when the baby gets to a certain age crave another baby. Me included. When I go there I usually get a kitten - takes the edge off it grin.

INeedAGinOrTen Thu 18-May-17 20:08:12

They are all under 10. Yes he wanted number 5, I wasn't sure and he was.

SloanePeterson Thu 18-May-17 20:08:19

How old is your littlest? I found now my youngest is in full time school the roominess passed quite swiftly. I'd always had a baby before the littlest went to school before, and it felt odd tbh coming home to an empty house after dropping them all off. But it passed, and now I can't say I'm broody at all. I think once the preschool years are over it's a little easier to look forward to enjoying the family you have rather than longing to add more dc to it.

SloanePeterson Thu 18-May-17 20:08:59

Roominess?! Broodiness!

MerryMarigold Thu 18-May-17 20:09:12

NB. I have only got 2 kittens and the cats are still with us!

Iamastonished Thu 18-May-17 20:09:38

“Aibu to feel really angry at him and like I have no choice”

Yes. You both already have your hands full with more than the average number of children. I don’t blame him for not wanting more.
Don’t be greedy.
HTH

Zaphodsotherhead Thu 18-May-17 20:09:44

Are they all quite young? I had five children very close together and loved having a large family - until they got a bit older. Then it became very very hard work indeed. A bunch of tween/teenagers all hormonal at the same time - and I didn't have any with SEN.

Have a big think. Is it a big family you want, or do you just like babies/young children? And I brought mine up largely alone, would you be prepared to do that if your husband decided that enough was enough? Because that really is hard work.

NavyandWhite Thu 18-May-17 20:09:55

Is it the baby stage you like? How do you know you'll want to stop after number 6.

INeedAGinOrTen Thu 18-May-17 20:12:32

Sorry Iamaastonished, what does HTH mean?

Thank you for your replies. It's given me some perspective. I had already thought a lot of these things but it's helped to see it in black and white if that makes sense.

goldangel Thu 18-May-17 20:12:46

Are you hoping maybe for a boy?

Iamastonished Thu 18-May-17 20:13:54

Zap is right. 5 young children are much, much easier than 5 teenagers - and much, much cheaper.

Will you be one of those parents complaining about the cost of school uniforms, school trips, driving lessons, university fees etc just because your maternal instinct went into overdrive?

Iamastonished Thu 18-May-17 20:15:18

Sorry, I was being a bit snippy. It means hope this helps. I am a very practical sort and can't see how having another child will make your life and that of your family any better than it is now.

PedantHere Thu 18-May-17 20:15:54

Sorry Iamaastonished, what does HTH mean?

Hope that helps/hope that helped

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now