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Work colleagues accusing EVERYONE of being sexually attracted to me

(23 Posts)
norainnoflowers Thu 18-May-17 15:59:28

I started a new job 6 months ago. I made a few friends on the team but suddenly some of the guys started being more standoffish with me and not wanting to be alone with me.

It soon became clear that any male that speaks to me in a friendly manner has been accused of fancying me by the clique of 8 middle aged women who also work with me. They quite openly accuse the men of blushing around me, staring at me, touching my back.

This is absurd. They are just being friendly.

Now I only have gay men and the ones confident enough in themselves to ignore the gossip speaking to me. The others are unsurprisingly nervous speaking to me. No wonder when their every move is analysed and god forbid they dare smile at me.

It's professionally too. Apparently ANY male manager that compliments my work is only saying it because they fancy me. I only got the job because the interview panel fancied me. etc etc etc.

AIBU to speak to my manager -who OBVS totally fancies me- about this?

It's creating an uncomfortable atmosphere in the office. I feel my every move is being watched!

Devorak Thu 18-May-17 16:21:27

Of course you should approach the manager.

Make notes of specific incidents with names, times and dates as opposed to talking in general terms. Maybe wait a week or two so you've a good collection of evidence.

MrsTerryPratchett Thu 18-May-17 16:23:25

It is a form of sexual harassment and should be treated as such.

Make a complaint.

Devorak Thu 18-May-17 16:26:18

Please don't call it 'sexual harassment. Nothing obscene in what they've said. It'll make you sound like an idiot.

It's like when people come to school and talk about 'safeguarding issues' when they really don't understand the term. Legitimate issues, when dressed up as something larger, do no one any favorus.

BillSykesDog Thu 18-May-17 16:28:15

It's sexual discrimination. Sex based bullying.

MrsTerryPratchett Thu 18-May-17 16:30:56

I thought that as soon as I wrote it! Meant sexual discrimination.

Devorak Thu 18-May-17 16:33:23

Please stop giving the OP terrible advice you two.

NotYoda Thu 18-May-17 16:45:04


According to your linked post, sexual harrassment includes:

"unwanted conduct' related to a person's sex causing a distressing, humiliating or offensive environment for them"

The OP is a young woman, and she is being harrassed by other women specifically in relation to men fancying her.

NotYoda Thu 18-May-17 16:45:47

You could also argue that these women are sexually harassing the men they work with

Goldfishjane Thu 18-May-17 16:47:47

it's a form of general idiocy

but there's a lot of that in the workplace. I would leave it to the men to complain if they feel they've been unfairly accused.

Scribblegirl Thu 18-May-17 16:48:35

FFS it's sex discrimination. It wouldn't be happening to any male that was talking to men in the office, would it?

Devorak, I think you're being goady.

NotYoda Thu 18-May-17 16:49:47


How has this come to light?

VintagePerfumista Thu 18-May-17 16:50:08

How did it "become clear"?

Did the men tell you? Did the women?

VintagePerfumista Thu 18-May-17 16:50:29

Xpost with Yoda.

PatriciaHolm Thu 18-May-17 16:58:51

Hmmmm. Is your name Samantha Brick, OP? Since you mention in your only other post that you wear glasses in interviews to make yourself look uglier....

Italiangreyhound Thu 18-May-17 17:04:42

I'd say it was bullying and exclusion, but I don't work in HR.

Anyway, I am not sure you need to define it as this or that, simply say what is being done to you and how it is affecting you.

TheMysteriousJackelope Thu 18-May-17 17:22:43

Definitely talk to your manager. If your male colleagues are uncomfortable with approaching you, you are not able to do your job effectively. Screw morale, your female colleagues are messing up the department's productivity. Your manager will not like that at all.

Check your company code of conduct. There may be something in there regarding gossip that your manager can use if the 'sexual harassment' or 'sex discrimination' classifications don't cover this.

As an uninformed guess I would think what you are personally experiencing is a 'hostile work environment' and your males colleagues are suffering 'sexual harassment' as they are being teased regarding sexual attraction to you.

Why are people so silly and immature at work? Don't they have enough to do? Maybe ask your manager that too.

It's bullying and/or harassment (probably the latter - I'm not in HR) - and I'm pretty certain there's a hefty dose of direct sexual discrimination thrown in for good measure. Put it this way, if a member of my team came to me with this I'd be taking it very seriously.

The perpetrators probably don't realise how serious this is - but that's no excuse.

pluck Fri 19-May-17 13:11:21

Are these people "gatekeeper" types? This sort of nonsense makes it impossible for you (and the men affected) to do your job, so I'd complain to management/ HR if I were you!

TheStoic Fri 19-May-17 13:55:24

What a bizarre workplace.

HundredMilesAnHour Fri 19-May-17 14:02:38

Have you spoken to these women about it? If yes, what did they say? If not, why not? Surely speaking to them is the first step. If you don't get anywhere with that THEN discuss it with your manager.

I also don't understand why the wimpy men in your work don't say something back to them or just ignore them. What are they so scared of?

It's impossible to tell from your posts if this is just a case of a gossipy clique of long term staff enjoying winding people up or whether it's something more serious. But as a fairly new member of staff of course everyone will be watching you, especially if there's a bunch of (what sounds like bored) long termers. Just do your job and forget about them. With time if you're good at what you do, they'll stop. If you're no good at what you do, maybe they have a point that you were hired for your looks. Let's face it happens. Actually my old boss once rejected an interview candidate because she was "too attractive" and he was worried that some of the younger male staff would never do any work if he hired her. Not very PC but I think he was probably right! (knowing the people involved).

DonaldStott Fri 19-May-17 14:18:15

Middle aged women hating on gorgeous younger women, seems to be a bit of a theme on here - all written from the gorgeous younger OPs point of view of course.

Those jealous bitter twisted middle aged women. Grrrrr.

TheNaze73 Fri 19-May-17 14:36:15

This is quite common I think & very sad.
I think the men concerned are also being sexually harassed.

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