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To think that these days it is so so hard for two people to stay together.

(42 Posts)
hashtagcurious Wed 17-May-17 21:46:47

Exactly that really.

Marriage is hard. I love my husband very much and love our life together but it is so much harder these days don't you think...

bigchris Wed 17-May-17 21:47:52

Why do you think that ?

bigchris Wed 17-May-17 21:48:11

I mean why do you think it's harder these days ?

NoArmaniNoPunani Wed 17-May-17 21:49:09

Harder than when?

TeenAndTween Wed 17-May-17 21:49:39

No I don't think that. Convince me.

bigchris Wed 17-May-17 21:50:42

At least if you travel, work away etc it's much easy to connect with technology, can you imagine getting a letter by ship if your husband was in the forces

Snap8TheCat Wed 17-May-17 21:51:06

I've never lived in other times so how can I know if it's harder than before?

user1488721675 Wed 17-May-17 21:51:15

No idea, harder than when? we don't find marriage hard at all but what am I comparing it to?

PickAChew Wed 17-May-17 21:51:26

I'd say YABU, if you are going to generalise to all marriages.

Do you have something going on that makes you feel your marriage is threatened?

FannyFanakapan Wed 17-May-17 21:54:54

different eras have different challenges.

Alisvolatpropiis Wed 17-May-17 21:55:18

It isn't harder to stay together now, it is easier to leave abusive, unhappy or just generally shit for other reasons, relationships now.

I don't think it is a bad thing.

sysysysref Wed 17-May-17 21:56:42

No idea if it's harder but I don't find it difficult at all. Been together nearly 20 years and never occurred to us not to stay together

hashtagcurious Wed 17-May-17 21:56:47

I guess I put a lot of emphasis on the timeline which was probably wrong. My parents arnt the best role models for a marriage euther. Maybe im having a bit of a down on yourself day. I've been with my hubby for 16yrs. Married 7 this year. It's not always been roses but I guess it would be boring otherwise. I am hiwever very happy. It was just a thought. Someone I'm very close too has had marriage issues recently. Wondered if the world though the same.

BlueSunGreenMoon Wed 17-May-17 21:57:40

It's easier to get a divorce. That doesn't mean people are less happy.

Joinourclub Wed 17-May-17 21:58:14

I don't think so. All of my mums generation in her family ( and my fathers ,and my in laws family too!) were divorced by 35. Us current lot have no divorces yet!

Generally men are more involved in raising young kids now, so more supportive. Easier for women to have a life outside the home/work. Easier to stay in touch.

troodiedoo Wed 17-May-17 21:59:59

It's probably easier to cheat than ever before due to opportunity.

However there is a myth that the fifties or whenever was a golden age of marital happiness. It was less acceptable and financially possible to split up, that's all.

SuperBeagle Wed 17-May-17 22:01:19


It's just easier to get a divorce.

SaucyJack Wed 17-May-17 22:01:49

No, I don't think it's harder.

I think we have higher expectations of life quality these days- which isn't a particularly bad thing.

Life was pretty grim for many in days gone by.

MsVestibule Wed 17-May-17 22:02:52

Nope, I don't find marriage hard. We still like each other, give each other the space we need, spend a lot of time together as a couple/family and tolerate each other's failings.

Unless there are separate issues - for example children with SN, serious money issues etc, there is no reason why marriage should be hard, as long as both parties are prepared to make some effort.

peachgreen Wed 17-May-17 22:03:24

I think it's easier. Counselling is more readily available, men are (in general) far more in touch with their feelings, women are (in general) treated with more respect, more emphasis is placed on actively working to keep a relationship happy and healthy etc etc. I guess there IS more opportunity to cheat what with mobile phones etc but other than that, I think it's easier. Statistically it's less likely but I suspect there were a LOT of very unhappy marriages back in the 50s - 70s!

Smellbellina Wed 17-May-17 22:05:39

No I think it is becoming harder again for people in abusive relationships to leave though.

Iseesheep Wed 17-May-17 22:07:31

bigchris. I wish! 6 weeks into an at least 9 monther and no contact yet - no call, letter, e-mail, Skype or smoke signal. Pesky Army and their random 'he's gone where?!' jobs.

I think it only seems harder 'these days', to me at least, because it's almost the norm to marry and separate at least once. I've been married 22 years and have seen a real change in attitudes to relationships in that time. Personally I can't be arsed with swapping and changing. And I quite like the absent auld bugger.

Zoflorabore Wed 17-May-17 22:07:47

I think modern technology has a lot to answer for! My df reconnected with an old school friend 10 yrs ago and had an affair and left my dm, ok they could have bumped into each other in town I suppose but I do think there's a lot of relationships that have crumbled due to situations like this.

ChickenVindaloo2 Wed 17-May-17 22:08:43

Well we're all living longer. Harder to stay in love with someone for 80 years than it is for 20. Maybe.

HipsterRaccoon Wed 17-May-17 22:09:07

I agree marriage is hard, and is definitely easiest to leave than it used to be. Just means people don't spend their lives trapped in unhappy marriages though, not that the marriages are necessarily worse than they used to be. Expectations have definitely changed.

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