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To send this text to my brother?

(183 Posts)
NoCapes Wed 17-May-17 20:25:24

We had a family birthday tonight so we're all out for a meal
My brothers gf is pregnant so we were talking babies as you do, and someone said something like "oh Capes would have 10 more if she could wouldn't you" to which my brother responded - "would you? Why?! You're shit at it!" His gf said something like "you can't say that!" But partly laughing aswell, and he said something like "you just give them to my Mum all the time when you can't be arsed"
Didn't want to get into a discussion/argument at the table in front of everyone including my children so I said nothing, conversation moved on and I left soon after

I now want to send him a text along the lines of this -
'Just for future reference, it is never ok to call someone a shit parent. Not that I have to justify myself to you, but Mum has the kids on a regular basis yes, this is for her just as much as it benefits me. She has them the same days every month and I don't ever ring her when I 'can't be arsed' or I'm not coping or whatever else you think happens. You are very very rarely around me or my children so aren't really in a position to judge my parenting skills, and if you would really like to have a discussion about shit parents I would honestly look a bit closer to home than me.'
The shit parent thing is because his gf (and most of her family) take their children to the pub almost every single night where the kids are left to entertain themselves, usually share a takeaway and fall asleep on the backrest - yes I judge them and no I'm not afraid to say it

So do I cause an issue, or let it go and basically be the one that anyone can treat like shit and say what they want to because 'it's only Capes' again???

McTufty Wed 17-May-17 20:27:21

Nothing good can come of sending something that lengthy. If you must send something just send one saying you didn't appreciate a comment like that in front of everyone. Better still just ignore it.

Spadequeen Wed 17-May-17 20:27:51

I would t let it go. The reason why people like him get away with it is because they are allowed to, however I don't know your family dynamics and whether this would cause a mild or huge shit storm and if you are prepared for what happens.

But what a twat!

stopfuckingshoutingatme Wed 17-May-17 20:28:51

Exactly what mc said ! Anything longer than a sentence won't work . Listen to us !!

Styturnip Wed 17-May-17 20:29:46

wineflowers for you capes.

Your brother sounds very immature who is in for a big shock when he actually has a child himself.

You have no need to explain or justify yourself regarding his twatish comment.

NellieFiveBellies Wed 17-May-17 20:30:39

i think its ok to tell someone when they are out of order.
you have no control over their reaction but that doesnt mean you should bend over and take it.

gleam Wed 17-May-17 20:31:44

What a horrible thing for him to say.

I am wondering if your mum moans about having the kids, though?

Weatherforecaster Wed 17-May-17 20:31:48

You've said it's not ok to call someone a shit parent but then you said 'look closer to home' which is calling him a shit parent. Pot. Kettle.

NaomiCole Wed 17-May-17 20:32:46

I think just your first sentence on its own is perfect. Call him on it and be done. Sorry he made you feel so horrid. Xxx

Writerwannabe83 Wed 17-May-17 20:32:49

I'd just text him and simply tell him not to make contact with you again until he is prepared to apologise for his incredibly shitty and cruel behaviour.

Eminado Wed 17-May-17 20:32:59

I am sorry this is ptobably bad advice but i would send yout text, lengthy or not.

How you didnt punch them in the face I honestly dont know.

MadeForThis Wed 17-May-17 20:33:13

Send it but without the criticism at the end. That's what he will focus on instead of what you are really trying to say.

Boredbeforeievenbegan Wed 17-May-17 20:33:29

His opinion doesn't matter. Don't lower yourself to sending that.

RebelRogue Wed 17-May-17 20:34:08

Only you know your family's dynamics and what the outcome would be from telling him straight.

You could go polite or to the point "I would appreciate it if in the future you'd refrain on commenting about my parenting and arrangements . Thank you"

Or "Who the fuck died and made you Gina Ford?" Option.

steppemum Wed 17-May-17 20:35:23

don't try and justify yourself, or throw blame back at them. keep to the comment.
One sentence saying you were upset by his parenting comment in front of everyone, it was rude and unkind.

Then leave it. He will get a shock when his own baby arrives

gamerchick Wed 17-May-17 20:35:54

I am wondering if your mum moans about having the kids, though

I'm wondering the same.

Don't send that text OP, it's too long and won't have the impact you want it to.

NoCapes Wed 17-May-17 20:38:18

Weather he isn't a parent yet, and I have never called his gf a shit parent even though she is because it isn't ok to say that to someone, is the point I was kind of trying to make

Honestly I think he would just call me a drama queen and laugh it off, that's kind of knobber he is, and that's why he says horrible things like that because he's 'the funny guy' and people just laugh
I've let some really horrible things go over the years but saying something like that out loud in a group of people was just fucking humiliating tbh

CrispyBathTowel Wed 17-May-17 20:38:22

Definitely delete this end bit, and if you would really like to have a discussion about shit parents I would honestly look a bit closer to home than me

You'll just be stopping to his level if you include that.

Butterymuffin Wed 17-May-17 20:38:41

I can't believe you could resist saying 'Er, you take yours to the pub every night and let them fall asleep out!' But it was probably better not to. However, I would say your piece to him face to face when you have chance. Text arguments or remonstrations always go badly. Tell him next time you see him that when he called you a shit parent he was talking shit and you don't want to hear that ever again. Then go. And don't spend any more time with him or the gf. They sound awful.

NoCapes Wed 17-May-17 20:39:11

Is the text really that long?? You all must text very briefly, I've sent longer confused

SunEgg Wed 17-May-17 20:40:13

I am wondering if your mum moans about having the kids, though

I'm wondering the same. In fact I am pretty certain she probably does. Where else would your brother get the idea from? Are you sure you aren't taking advantage of your mum?

Butterymuffin Wed 17-May-17 20:41:01

Actually, for all future family gatherings I would just go with 'Ah, you're back to talking shite because you think it sounds big and clever. Grow up'.

MyPatronusIsAUnicorn Wed 17-May-17 20:42:34

Send the first bit. Let him know what he said was out of order and as he isn't around, he actually has no idea so he can keep his judging to himself in future. Let him know it was a shitty thing to say but I wouldn't say the look closer to home bit (even though it is clearly true), it will just fuel the argument and keep it going.

NoCapes Wed 17-May-17 20:44:34

Sunegg hmm yes I'm sure I'm not taking advantage of my Mum ffs

MyPatronusIsAUnicorn Wed 17-May-17 20:45:03

"In fact I am pretty certain she probably does." I'm sorry? Has the OPs mum been complaining to you for you to have this info? It never ceases to amaze me the all knowing that MNetters seem to have.

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