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To not want to report this?

(4 Posts)
Bigblug Wed 17-May-17 17:38:41

So I'll try to keep it short but not drip feed too. Have changed a few minor details to not identify myself too much.
So some of you might have seen I had a bit of a breakdown earlier in the week. I've had some time to myself and last night I met up with an old friend. I told him that I think I might be suffering PTSD from a situation that happened to me when I was 16. Basically, in my teenage niavity, I met with an older man I sort of knew socially but chatted mostly online. I made it clear we were meeting as friends (he was totally not my type, I was in a relationship and he seemed nice) and he agreed, just a movie and a beer and I would leave for the last bus.
Anyway I got there, and left my phone and bag in the hallway and was shown to his bedroom. Was a little surprised to not be going into the living room but he explained it away by saying his housemate had friends over. Walked in and he locked his bedroom door. At first I didn't feel uncomfortable, so I didn't take much notice of where he put the key. We chose a film, opened a beer, and it was all fine, up until I said I had to leave. He started saying oh it's a little late, perhaps you should stay here. I tried to insist but his face darkened and I started feeling uncomfortable. In the end I agreed and said I would sleep on the floor. He got me some pjs, and as he had a mini fridge and an ensuite had no reason to leave the room.
Despite the fact that I had made it clear it was platonic it soon became apparent why he wanted me to stay. I kept rejecting his advances, but he started getting more and more aggressive. Neither of us were drunk. In the end I consented, as I feared he would just do it anyway. He had started pulling my hair and trousers down so I just wanted to 'get it over with'. This happened twice more. In the end he let me leave around 6am. I honestly went home and just blocked it from memory and carried on as normal.

It wasn't until about 6 years later, after an awareness campaign on consent, that I started questioning it. I figured that as I had consented in the end, it wasn't rape. But a few people I've spoken to have said that it may be worth reporting. I blame myself though for being so bloody stupid and getting myself in that situation. It's also been so long, I don't even remember the guys name any more. I don't know where he lives, I can't even remember what he looks like. All I remember is the street he lived in. I don't want to drag it up, instead I'm opting for councilling to help overcome it. But my friend last night seemed appalled that I'm not considering reporting. Aibu for just wanting to move on?

HildaOg Wed 17-May-17 17:44:09

You're entitled to move on. Tbh I don't see what good reporting is going to do when it happened years ago, you don't remember his name, what he looks like or where he lived. It won't make you feel better, you have no information that would be any use to the police, for your own sake, move on.

Stormtreader Wed 17-May-17 17:47:33

It sounds like it was false imprisonment for starters! I'm not sure what reporting it would benefit anyone at this point, and it would probably drag up details of it that you may not want to confront again. It was rape though (by coersion I think).

Kimonolady Wed 17-May-17 17:49:37

I don't think it's ever a rape survivor's "duty" or "obligation" to report her attack. You should do what YOU need to do to move on. It makes me so angry when people say things like "if you don't report, you're helping him get away with it" or "you're as guilty as he is." The only person who is guilty is the rapist, full stop. Maybe there'll come a time when you feel you want to think about reporting, maybe not. That's your choice and yours alone.
Sending you all the love and the support in the world Bigblug, it sounds like a horrible experience and I'm sorry you had to go through that.

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