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AIBU to not go to a wedding, because I am worried I might be rude?

(170 Posts)
SilentLaugher Wed 17-May-17 16:40:37

My DH and I have been invited to the wedding of his friend. DH accepted on our behalf and I had initially been really looking forward to it. It's a church wedding in the summer, and I think it will be a lovely day.

Although I know the friend well - I don't know much about his fiancée except for the fact that she is a very devout person - CoE I think? The friend is not. I am also an atheist, but I am mostly indifferent to religion - each to their own.

So here's my problem - past experience has told me that, during v. religious ceremonies I do tend to start internally giggling/silent laughing quite uncontrollably - particularly when it's clear that no laughing is allowed.

I don't do it on purpose, and I do my best to control it - but I have just realised that this wedding ceremony will be a bit of a danger zone for me - particularly because the ceremony is quite long, and we've heard through the grapevine that we've been invited "to a wedding, not a party." shock

I just feel so out of place, and I can't get into singing the songs/saying the prayers at all. It just feels very silly to me - I don't believe a word of it. And my shoulders start shaking like crazy while I try to control it - and of course that sets my DH off too!

AIBU to just not go? My DH will be quite disappointed, we've already spent quite a bit of money on it, and the friend is looking forward to us coming. But I don't want to spoil it for anyone!

Watto1 Wed 17-May-17 16:42:00

Go and sit by the door so you can make your exit if you can't control yourself.

Princesspinkgirl Wed 17-May-17 16:43:00

Laughing hmm ?

VioletBow Wed 17-May-17 16:43:31

I agree with Watto, sit by an exit and if you feel you can't help but laugh fake a cough and excuse yourself

iklboo Wed 17-May-17 16:43:41

Discreet earphones grin

Justmuddlingalong Wed 17-May-17 16:44:01

If you feel you'll be unable to control yourself, perhaps you should give it a miss. Why can't your DH attend without you?

SissySpacekAteMyHamster Wed 17-May-17 16:44:19

I'd make my excuses to not be there for the ceremony if I couldn't sit through it like an adult.

Whether you believe the words or not, the bride and groom are the ones that matter.

Uncontrollable laughing? Really?

regularbutpanickingabit Wed 17-May-17 16:44:23

How old are you???

Seriously, that's a really crap excuse. If you don't want to go then don't go. If you can't control yourself for an hour when accepting an invite to a ceremony that means something to the one who invited you then I would say that's pretty pathetic.

It doesn't matter if you don't 'get it' because it isn't about you. Religion isn't catching you know, just by sitting and listening quietly. You don't have to join in the bits you don't like. You just don't draw attention to yourself or belittle and ruin it for others.

It's called respect.

Oh, and I'm an atheist too.

Savingfavour120 Wed 17-May-17 16:44:57

How rude.

stitchglitched Wed 17-May-17 16:46:00

Grow up and learn a bit of self control.

treaclesoda Wed 17-May-17 16:46:04

Yes, you're right, you shouldn't go. You're not mature enough.

elephantscansing Wed 17-May-17 16:46:15

How rude. If you can't sit still like an adult while the adults take part in a church service, why don't you find a playground to play in while the service is on?? hmm

Ragwort Wed 17-May-17 16:46:21

Just don't go, you sound incredibly immature - your DH can go without you and enjoy the occasion.

Would you behave like that at a funeral service in a church?

Pallisers Wed 17-May-17 16:46:38

of course you can't go if you will laugh out loud.

Go to the wedding. Be seen. Get yourself discreetly out of the church at the beginning of the ceremony. Sit in the car and then slip back in at the end.

Dozer Wed 17-May-17 16:46:40

How odd.

Just skip the church bit but don't say anything unless asked, and then say you felt unwell, had a family drama or something.

ShelaghTurner Wed 17-May-17 16:46:52

If you're going to take the piss then definitely don't go. I'm a bit stunned tbh. The thought of going into a synagogue or a mosque and breaking out into giggles mystifies me. You may not believe but a lot of the people there will, not least the bride. So if you can't act like a grown up then let your DH go on his own, although he doesn't sound much better.

MovingtoParadise Wed 17-May-17 16:46:52

It's in the summer so you've plenty of time to rock up to church every week and conquer your bullshit.

Inappropriate laughter at death, fine. People are usually mortified. But this, this is 'time to grow the fuck up and stop thinking I'm better than everyone else'.

If you TRULY want to stop doing this then you will expose yourself to your fears so you can overcome your social inappropriateness.

AyeAmarok Wed 17-May-17 16:47:29

Grow up.

Bubblesagain Wed 17-May-17 16:47:32

if you can't be respectful don't go let your dh go on his own.

fuckwitery Wed 17-May-17 16:48:00

how old are you?

CheesyCrust Wed 17-May-17 16:48:28

Try to be an adult and show some respect. If you can't manage this, do everyone a favour and apologise for not being able to make it ahead of time.

Buildmeupbuttercup89 Wed 17-May-17 16:49:15

Yea. You need to grow up

Whereisthecake Wed 17-May-17 16:49:29

I get the whole 'uncontrollable laughing' moments, it happens. But at a church, someone's wedding? Very strange.

Grow up, be a nice friend and don't be rude or just don't bother at all.

PuppyMonkey Wed 17-May-17 16:50:22

You won't spoil it for anyone else, you'll just make yourself look like a tit. I'm sure you can compose yourself, if you really try hard, what with you (presumably) being an adult and all.

SorrelSoup Wed 17-May-17 16:50:31

Just hang around outside. Me and dh got the giggles at a wedding and it awful. We were crying. We hadn't realised how, er, sexual one if the hymns was and it just set us off.

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