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AIBU to think it's unfair my colleague won't speak to me!

(83 Posts)
OhJustPassTheCake Wed 17-May-17 16:15:26

So one of my colleagues isn't talking to me because I politely gave her a few home truths last week. Strictly speaking I'm not her manager, but I am a founder of the business although I don't own it, so I'm seen as senior to her. I definitely think I am too friendly with the staff rather than "manager-y" which I'm assuming is why she's pissed off at me, like I all of a sudden went all managerial on her when I don't normally lol, but I'm getting fed up!

But she is really taking the piss, she is late for work every day, like EVERY day, by 30 minutes. And she lives a 10 minute walk away. Those of us that liver further away and have children to get to school first always arrive before her. She is young (-er than most of us!), free and single with no responsibilities so she has no reason to be late. This has been addressed a couple of times but she never changes, she just gets arsey for a couple of weeks and then reverts to being late. She also is very lax with taking a lunch "hour", it regularly extends to an hour and 15 minutes, and lunch is supposed to be taken between 12 and 2, but she takes no notice of that and will still be out at lunch come 3pm or later. Her attitude is generally pants, she is very un-motivated and, as we work in quite a small office this can bring down the whole atmosphere. I've spoken to the owner loads of times but he doesn't do anything about it.

So the thing that's brought it all to a head is that she wants to leave an hour early once a week for 8 weeks, we agreed this was fine and we would alter her payroll accordingly. But when our boss was out of sight she told me she was furious about this, and that she feels it's totally unfair and that she thought we would just "let her off" this hour, and we're being petty by knocking it off her wages. I explained that A) if we did that for her, we'd have to do it for everyone, B) she has no room to moan because her timekeeping his horrendous, which if she mentioned this to our boss he would bring that up and C) some companies would say "no" altogether, we don't have to let her do it but we are very accommodating as a business so we don't see a reason why not. We originally agreed on a certain day that was fine, but she's gone ahead and arranged this on a different day, which would leave us short staffed. She made out she didn't see a problem but it's obvious, yet we have still worked around it for her. God I'm getting angry just writing this!

We are very laid back at work and I think she is taking advantage of this, she says she's always late because "it's not as if anyone is here waiting to beat us with a big stick" - like, what the hell does that even mean!? My colleague overheard our entire conversation and she says I wasn't mean, I was just honest and fair, but now this girl hasn't spoken to me since. There's only 4 of us at work some days so it's very noticeable lol! I think the answer is that my boss disciplines her for bad timekeeping but he won't! angry I think he's just hoping she'll get another job and clear off but she's worked here for 8 years so far, and I know she did get offered another job and she turned it down!

She is very entitled, and because she (in her words) gets paid crap (living wage, not minimum wage) she doesn't think she should change anything. But until she works harder she won't get a pay rise, but she says there's no point working harder until she gets a pay rise! It's a vicious circle that I'm stuck in the middle of!

Would like some advice on how to handle this, I'm not too bothered if I come out looking like the bad guy, I just want everything to be fair. This is really starting to bring morale down and I (or my boss!) needs to do something! HELP! x

LurkingHusband Wed 17-May-17 16:17:01

Sack her ?

Wolfiefan Wed 17-May-17 16:17:56

You're not her manager. Why did you feel it was your place to tell her some home truths?
She sounds a nightmare!
If she complains about anything work related to you just refer her to your manager.

ajandjjmum Wed 17-May-17 16:18:40

She needs to find a job that gives her what she is looking for (whatever that might be). Perhaps she needs to grow up a little too, and realise that she has responsibility towards her colleagues.

MargotLovedTom1 Wed 17-May-17 16:25:14

I think there need to be sanctions imposed re her tardiness, so her pay is docked by however many hours per week she is late and goes over her lunch entitlement. She sticks to the original agreed day to leave an hour early (withloss of pay) and if she tries to dick around with that, the goodwill gesture is rescinded. If she is unhappy about these conditions then she is very welcome to seek alternative employment elsewhere where they wouldn't put up with this crap.

MargotLovedTom1 Wed 17-May-17 16:26:07

Her not speaking to you is the least of the problems - she is taking the piss.

Sexstarvedredhead Wed 17-May-17 16:28:17

She is an awful employee and a disciplinary procedure should be followed. Your home truths are just bitching at her though because you're not her manager.
Also if you use the language you have posted with you would have just sounded bitchy (all those "like" and "lol" and "so" are for American Valley girl cheerleaders).
The whole situation needs handling properly not some informal "cool" way.

daimbar Wed 17-May-17 16:28:34

She sounds difficult. Time for a re-structure?

Although playing devil's advocate, if she feels undervalued and unappreciated for what she does then it might explain her poor attitude.

Is she worth more than she is being paid? Does she receive praise for her hard work? Can she see a possibility of career progression or a pay rise? You pay peanuts, you get monkeys...

MrsTerryPratchett Wed 17-May-17 16:31:18

You have an 'interesting' role, don't you? Not senior, not her manager, but you feel because you were there at the start, you have some ownership and status. I can see that really pissing people off that you work with.

If the boss isn't doing anything about it, you could put in a formal complaint. But it's not your place to discipline her.

MTBMummy Wed 17-May-17 16:31:58

I think the only way to address is is to start a formal discipline procedure against her for her time keeping, surely the others will begin to think that if she can get away with late starts and long lunches they can too. sounds like you're loosing 45 minutes a day due to her time keeping which adds up to just shy of 4 hours a week, and now this extra hour? So she's doing 13,5% less a week and getting paid the same as everyone else?

My maths could be wrong, but assuming 4 weeks of paid leave, she's basically getting an additional 25 days leave a year. How does your business support that.

Maybe showing the owner how the numbers work out will make him sit up and realise that she's taking you for a bunch of mugs, no wonder she turned down another job, no where else would let her get away with this

ijustwannadance Wed 17-May-17 16:33:51

Your boss is the problem.
This colleague wouldve been sacked by now if it had been dealt with from day one.

PigletWasPoohsFriend Wed 17-May-17 16:33:54

You have an 'interesting' role, don't you? Not senior, not her manager, but you feel because you were there at the start, you have some ownership and status. I can see that really pissing people off that you work with.

Yes me too.

It is for their manager to deal with. Not you.

KindleBueno Wed 17-May-17 16:38:56

You're not her manager. You're acting above your station and it's a reasonable action on her behalf to just ignore you.

I'd probably have put in a complaint against you for giving me "home truths"

Stormtreader Wed 17-May-17 16:39:50

So when you say "we agreed", "we decided", are you actively involved in these things? As in, were you part of the management discussion? Or are you using the royal we? Because if you arent really more than staff then its nothing to do with you at all.

Happyfeet1972 Wed 17-May-17 16:40:33

Another one confused by your role...founder but not owner? hmm is it just you that sees you as founder and senior?

That aside, she sounds awful but your boss is incompetent at managing. Keep out of the time management issue , that's for your manager to sort. However she shouldn't be ignoring a colleague. If she's keeping out of your way then I guess that's ok but if she's actively ignoring you i.e. pretending not to hear you etc, then that's low level bullying and you would be entitled to put a complaint in. Otherwise, I'd just leave it.

Savingfavour120 Wed 17-May-17 16:41:43

Wasn't your place to tell her some home truths hmm

In her place, I would put a complaint about you

m4rdybum Wed 17-May-17 16:42:10

You sound like one of those office Hitler types - I'm sure everyone has come into contact with them and hated them.

You're not her manager and you're not the owner of the business (even if you did 'found it') - how does that work? Did you sell out?

Do you have the power to sack her or discipline her? If not, you don't have the 'right' to tell her these home truths - even if she does sound a bit shit!

Kennethnoisewater Wed 17-May-17 16:42:28

Yeah I'd be v.pissed off if I were her too. You have no place dishing out your 'home truths' you're not senior to her in any respect. You should have acted professionally, noted your grieveances and passed them to hr/her direct manager. Do your own job and keep your nose out, you sound like a jobsworth.

Increasinglymiddleaged Wed 17-May-17 16:42:31

You have a problem with your manager I think.

SapphireStrange Wed 17-May-17 16:43:26

I don't blame her per se for not speaking to you; as others have said, you're not her manager.

But she is a very bad employee. I don't know why there haven't been sanctions or a disciplinary.

schuylersister Wed 17-May-17 16:43:32

"She is young (-er than most of us!), free and single with no responsibilities so she has no reason to be late."

This colleague does sound a bit of a nightmare, but I have to say I haaaaaaate this attitude. The implication is that childcare issues mean someone's absences/lateness can be excused with no consequences? That's been the case at a few of my workplaces, and it's ridiculous tbh. If having kids means getting away with lateness, then so should a myriad of other circumstances that apply to the 'young free and single' too - illness, mental health, caring for relatives, medical appointments, public transport delays, tradesmen appointments.

NellieFiveBellies Wed 17-May-17 16:43:46

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

elephantscansing Wed 17-May-17 16:45:01

Her manager should be dealing with her. For all the tthings you mention, she should be on a formal written warning, I'd think. She sounds crap - entitled, lazy and gobby. Better off without her!

lougle Wed 17-May-17 16:45:13

I can see that it's frustrating, but if you aren't her manager then you really don't have grounds to challenge her and she doesn't have to take kindly to your challenge. You need to raise it with your boss.

SapphireStrange Wed 17-May-17 16:45:31

I agree, schuyler. Being single (or young, for that matter hmm) doesn't mean 'having no life/commitments'.

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