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AIBU to have had enough?

(17 Posts)
Drivingmenuts Wed 17-May-17 15:11:27

I share the school run with a friend, as we both live a fair way from the school. Our two eldest are in the same class and her youngest has now started at the school. Each week we set out which runs we are doing, as her partner and mine sometimes step in and she works shifts so its always different days. I work full time but am self employed so I usually all in with whatever she needs. This term our kids are in different clubs so we can't help each other after school at all (neither of us checked with the other if that was ok).

A few weeks ago something happened on the run which meant I was five minutes late - they were all still on the register but since then she has given me the cold shoulder. I didn't think it was a big deal - I am hardly ever late and it was an emergency, and they were all on the register in time so no harm done, right? It was followed by a flurry of tense/stroppy messages.

I am peeved because a) I always do what suits her b) Its harder to have two more kids with you (as I do) than one (as she does) and c) I think the way she has reacted is unfair.

I think I might stop sharing the runs at all - am fed up with the extra responsibility of getting her two into school and second guessing why she is in a mood with me. That said, I hate the idea of there being more cars than necessary round the school and the waste of effort from us both driving there and back.

Question is... a) am I being unreasonable? b) how do I communicate this/do this? Am not sure if its creating more of a headache for her or solving one if I take myself out of the equation.

StickThatInYourPipe Wed 17-May-17 15:13:55

What kind of thing was she saying by text?

Drivingmenuts Wed 17-May-17 15:17:13

Can't go into details without outing myself... no swearing or insults, but cross.

KC225 Wed 17-May-17 15:24:23

Wouldn't put up with that behaviour. Giving you the cold shoulder. Who needs that in the morning. You have to quote the standard mumsnet 'this isn't working for me'

MickeyRooney Wed 17-May-17 15:30:43

Yep - agree with above. Tell her its not working anymore. the ungrateful moo.

Drivingmenuts Wed 17-May-17 15:34:18

Thing that is making me hesitate is I will see her every day at school... we both also have smaller kids at nursery so life is stressful enough and don't want to make her more stressed out than she already is.

ArsenalsPlayingAtHome Wed 17-May-17 15:35:26

Sack that off!

YANBU to have had enough & just sort your own DC, OP.

PurpleMinionMummy Wed 17-May-17 15:37:12

Were they marked in late? A genuine emergency can't be helped and as a one off I think she's being rather ott. But you do say hardly ever late so has it happened before?

Pallisers Wed 17-May-17 15:40:56

I wouldn't be bothered sharing a school run with someone who gave me a hard time about a one-off late arrival.

Just say it to her in a friendly way "I think I'll opt out of the school run from next month - seems like it is getting a bit complicated. Always here in an emergency though"

MickeyRooney Wed 17-May-17 15:41:05

doesn't sound like she's any way worried whether you're stressed or not. i'd care not - off she can trot and organise her own shit from now on.

ArsenalsPlayingAtHome Wed 17-May-17 15:43:38

OP, have the lifts continued as normal, but she's been giving you the cold shoulder when she sees you?

If you're happy to continue either way, why not just ask her if she wants to continue with current arrangements, given that she thinks they were late a couple of weeks ago? If you're not happy, then just churn out said standard mn response.

If she's on mn, she'll recognise the response, & will suspect that you've create a thread about it, will search out & find the thread, then read our responses and conclude that you ANBU, but that she IBU!! grin

See what I did there? wink

ArsenalsPlayingAtHome Wed 17-May-17 15:46:11

blush as I realise I'm the only DM on here whose DCs have been late more than once and not even in an emergency.

DrawingLife Wed 17-May-17 17:43:54

If you're friends, why can't you have a chat about it? My strategy would be to say you feel she's been giving you the cold shoulder and is it because of that one time you were late. See what she says, explain again, take it from there.

Doesn't need to be a drama and definitely doesn't need to end a friendship or an arrangement that benefits you both.

DeanKoontz Wed 17-May-17 17:56:30

There is nothing more stressful than having other people's kids on the school run.

As you have many more school years ahead together, I would apologise for being late and say that it doesn't work for you anymore and you'll stop sharing the runs from xxx date.

Keep it all pleasant and chatty and give her a decent amount of notice so she can get something else arranged.

I used to have a terrible time getting my dc to school. Stress levels were sky high. Once I'd politely wriggled out of an agreement to take the girl next door and also stopped stressing about being on time, our walks to school just calmed right down. It's such a lovely time to spend with your kids, especially if you can walk some or all of it.

Drivingmenuts Wed 17-May-17 20:02:34

Thanks all. Purpleminionmummy I have been five minutes late to meet her a handful of times but never late to the school - its a half hour journey with lots of potential jams so we both get there early usually and allow time for delays.

The only other c*ck ups I can remember are two times that she/her husband forgot to take my DC in/forgot pick up - causing huge problems - both times I said it was fine as these things happen.

Drawinglife you are right - think I will ask her if we can have a cuppa this week, she is a good friend and I don't want us to fall out over this.

RandomMess Wed 17-May-17 20:10:06

I think having a cuppa and asking her "is it still working for you?" would be the best way forward. Perhaps she is really struggling, had a bad few weeks and this has meant you have unfairly born the brunt of her exasperation.

Often sharing lifts etc gets right on my tits - it just does, but ultimately it's greener and saves time - helping others out and they help back in return. I do love a break/the hols though - bit of a recharge from it all!

hmmmum Wed 17-May-17 20:13:56

I definitely agree you should talk to her about it! Especially as you'll continue seeing her all the time. Ask her if things are ok and you're wondering if she's upset with you.

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