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AIBU (EA & FB related)

(22 Posts)
DJPon3 Wed 17-May-17 14:54:49

Partner of 5 years had an EA with someone on FB, she decided to delete FB and try to work things out with me.

A week later she's back on FB, it was never deleted apparently, but has "Blocked" the other man.

I'm pissed off. AIBU

Gazelda Wed 17-May-17 14:59:10

YANBU. What's her explanation?

DJPon3 Wed 17-May-17 15:00:55

there is no explanation, just that she missed FB.

MissBax Wed 17-May-17 15:02:40

YANBU - if she wanted to prove herself to you, deleting Facebook would be the easiest thing in the world.
OH and I had a bit of an "episode" on Facebook last year, although not the same context. We both deleted our FB's following and haven't had them now for 8 months.

GreenHairDontCare Wed 17-May-17 15:03:01

You can't stop her going on Facebook. That would make you a controlling dick.

What did the 'EA' comprise, exactly?

MissBax Wed 17-May-17 15:04:38

Greenhair but if she made a thing of deleting it to work through things with the OP, only to reinstate it a week later... That comes across a bit disrespectful

HildaOg Wed 17-May-17 15:05:03

Do you have children together? If not, there's no reason to stay, get out while you can.

DJPon3 Wed 17-May-17 15:06:58

What did the 'EA' comprise, exactly?

Since Xmas she had been chatting to someone on Messenger, someone shed never met. it came to a head one night when she admitted that the man had told her he loved her. she broke up with me, left me with our daughter, went to stay with friends. the next day she called him on the phone, he sounded like a drunken dick, she then came round to 'our' house and told me that she wanted to try with me.
she decided to delete FB and told me she had.
I agreed that we could try, she came back 'home' after 3 days.
this was last week.

Today her FB is back as though nothing had happened, nothing missing, seems it was hidden and not deleted.

LadyDeadpool Wed 17-May-17 15:14:08

Leave her, take your daughter and make a new life for yourselves without someone who sees you both as second best. She came back to you both only because he was drunk and now she's back on FB it won't take her long to find someone else to start an EA with.

TheHodgeoftheHedge Wed 17-May-17 15:15:18

Sorry to derail the thread but for a moment I so thought that EA stood for Estate Agent and was very confused.

But yes, it sounds like she isn't exactly showing much willing to

TheHodgeoftheHedge Wed 17-May-17 15:15:56

...prove to you how committed she is to working it out. But also FB doesn't cause affairs - not caring enough does.

EpoxyResin Wed 17-May-17 15:32:37

When you delete FB it doesn't wipe everything, it just becomes dormant and invisible. If you reinstate it or sign up again with the same email it "remembers" you and resurrects your former account. So she probably did delete it.

GreenHairDontCare Wed 17-May-17 15:36:42

I think once it gets to the point of monitoring your partners social media etc, it's time to leave.

Life is too short to waste on bad relationships.

DJPon3 Wed 17-May-17 15:39:28

green FWIW I wasn't monitoring it, she shared something.

I didn't know that Epoxy but that just makes me wonder if she did and deleted it as an empty gesture knowing full well it wouldn't be deleted. iyswim.

EpoxyResin Wed 17-May-17 16:02:08

Yeah, that is a possibility unfortunately. Although I think you know how sincere the gesture was by just how long she was prepared to keep it up...

MissBax Wed 17-May-17 16:19:04

Have you spoken to her about it OP?

Jux Wed 17-May-17 16:31:44

Regardless of whether she did delete or not and whether it just lay dormant etc, what matters is that in no time at all she was back on it. Which kind of saysthat she's not trying very hard to rebuild trust or your whole relationship.

Can you tell her to go? Are you renting, whose name is the house in?

DJPon3 Wed 17-May-17 18:09:20

Have you spoken to her about it OP?
only via sms

Can you tell her to go? Are you renting, whose name is the house in?
I think its in both our names, we're HA. I don't know if I want her to go, I still want it to work.

I fear I have MUG tattooed on my head sad

MissBax Wed 17-May-17 18:30:26

OP, noone knows the situation other than you and your partner. If you both want to fix things I think a one off indiscretion can be forgiven personally. However everyone is different and you can only do what's right for you. I think if I were you I would insist on her absolute commitment including coming off Facebook. However this might be different for you too, good luck whatever happens!

whyohwhyy Wed 17-May-17 18:44:40

Facebook can't be deleted. Only deactivated

MissBax Wed 17-May-17 18:46:28

why - either way it sounds like she reactivated it after only a week.

DJPon3 Wed 17-May-17 19:01:12

thanks for the responses, I think i'll have a chat with her later.

AS far as i'm concerned, if things were reversed and I met a woman down the pub, she wouldn't want me going to that pub again so why is FB different?

I don't want to get paranoid and start snooping around and doing my head in about it all.

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