Accident prone dc(21 Posts)
I'll start off by saying that dc1 is my world and I am so protective but he is so accident prone I am starting to get annoyed when he gets hurt...AIBU?
I do all the "kisses on the ouch", wiggle the fingers/ legs, shake if off together etc, but now with baby dc2, I haven't got as much time as dc1 can get hurt (mostly minor) every 5 minutes! DH has a bit more patience but it's wearing thin. We don't get annoyed if it's a "genuine accident" but it's frustrating when for example he falls off his chair after being repeatedly told to sit properly on his bum. He then does a shouty cry which is very loud. I obviously go to him every time but find myself lecturing him to be careful/ safe rather than just comfort him.
I feel so so guilty afterwards and feel like failing as a mum. Anyone else experienced this?
^ but now with baby dc2, I haven't got as much time^
This jumped out at me.
I thought you were meaning accident prone as in broken bones from sport etc.
If it's just minor bumps and grazes I'd probably step back. At the moment DC knows that if he hurts himself you'll stop what you're doing with baby and give him hugs and attention. If there's no longer as much attention when he minor bumps himself then maybe he'll just sit on the chair as asked.
Could you carve out set mammy and DC time that's not got the baby so they don't feel forgotten?
I may be totally way off base here but it's just a thought. And you're not a rubbish or failing mammy at all.
Agree with maisy
It's early. Can't get my thoughts in order yet.
It sounds like he's learned that as soon as he 'hurts' himself you'll come running with loves, kisses and sympathy and is using it as a way of getting your attention. Ignore the wailing and just breezily tell him he's fine (unless of course he's not) and that he needs to get up again and be more careful. Stop giving him the attention for it and he'll
eventually stop doing it. Give him attention and hugs for other things instead.
If you're telling him to sit properly, he's not listening, and he's having a (minor) fall as a result, that to me sounds like a teaching moment re: cause and effect. I wouldn't be giving pats and kisses for that - a vague disclaimer is nobody's friend, and you did tell him.
Real accidents/owies, however, are another matter - but you do say that in your OP
I do agree with maisie about him having worked out that a bump and a wail gets you to put the baby down and come to him. Carve out a bit of special DS1 time, but I'd stop giving the minor owies any attention beyond "you're okay, on your feet, walk it off".
Sorry - TwatteryFlowers was the person who said the thing I agreed with. Though maisie wrote a good post too!
Could well be that he is trying to get your attention but...
Consider a possible physical cause? My sisters hearing loss affected her balance and was picked up by a teacher, she'd become more accident prone after having chicken pox.
My dd has hms and I feel massively guilty that it took me far too long to realise there was a reason for her clumsiness/going through shoes at an alarming speed, struggling with co-ordination at dance and pe classes.
It could also be glue ear?
If you are not sitting properly on a chair, and you are told to sit properly on the chair, and you ignore the direction and continue to sit in the unsanctioned, improper way on said chair, and this leads to a fall, you do not have glue ear/hearing loss/any other medical or MH or behavioral condition anyone might care to toss out there. You have a problem with doing as you are told.
I was diagnosed with dyspraxia because I was very clumsy and fell over a lot as a young child. Just a possibility.
Faithinthesound <waves to clearly a George fan like me>
That was only one incident though op said regular incidents.
Oh I love it when someone gets it!!! <waves back>
Oh I'm sure there are many and varied incidents, but that one just stands out to me and for me, points to "wants attention" rather than a diagnosis. Obviously I'd need more information (and a medical degree!!!) to actually make the diagnosis myself!
Thanks everyone. Writing it out does make it seem clearer that it's an attention thing, often I am with the baby and am not able to rush over, or I'd put the baby down and he started crying as well making the moment so much more stressful. I know I shouldn't rush to him each time, I guess I'd never forgive myself if I didn't at least check him over?? I do use them as teaching moments but always feel like a big lecture and I'm letting my frustration show. He has perfected the painful cry so I'm never sure if he is really hurt or not.
The attention thing didn't occur to me as he isn't clingy at all and is extremely sociable. It does seem like he is just really clumsy as well as not listening. It almost seems like he thinks he is invincible. I'm just feeling guilty as my first response now is "what now? How have you hurt yourself again!?" Rather than a more nurturing response.
My DH was dyspraxic as a boy due to being very tall (I think!) and still is very clumsy.
But I will try a more hands off approach as suggested so at least he won't cry with every single thing!
You have a problem with doing as you are told.
Ummm..... maybe... but like others have said dyspraxia (poor motor planning) can look like the OP describes. So can a "normal" person with poor core (stomach muscles). No amount of telling off will fix if someone can't or finds it hard. DD tends to slither (lean on walls tables etc) and falls over when her core is poor, dramatically improves with core exercises.
Either way I'd try and improve core and motor planning if only because if it works it saves you a whole lot of nagging and DR a whole lot of injuries. The games on the wII fit are awesome starting out. Swimming too. For the clumsiness try obstacle courses where you have to go up over and through things. Also stepping into hoops moving hoops all the way up and over your body. Lots of Simon says can help too.
More than one way to tackle things.
My youngest also has dyspraxia and is and was very clumsy. My ex (his dad) used to scream and shout about him being an attention seeker too. He was diagnosed at 3 but was showing signs as early as 6 months.
Dyspraxia has no genetic link but it does seem to run in familes. Around 32% with dyspraxia have a relative with dyspraxia as well. If you have no concerns with your son then ignore but if you have any doubt get it checked out.
My ds was a pain sometimes too with knocking over drinks and falling over and getting hurt every bloody day but he really couldn't help it and at 16 he is still the same. He would like to be like other kids and be able to write and move like other kids but he just can't.
You may be interested in the link below especially if your DH was diagnosed dsypraxic.
I have a particular hate of children being labelled as naughty or attention seeking for something that they can't help.
My ds was so accident prone!
It was eventually discovered that he had very badly blocked ears.
How are your dss fine motor skills?
Have you ruled out whether your ds has dyspraxia....
Ds1 is dyspraxic and I was constantly kissing booboos. Ds2 arrived and now the standard response is.....Is there blood, broken bones, vomit or unconsciousness? No? Up you get.
Toffelatteplease I LOVE your suggestions and will definitely try the wii. I wasn't 100% convinced about the attention seeking, there may have been an element of it but he just isn't that way. He's never been jealous of his brother but is just clumsy and I think my op didn't explain very well.
Another example I just thought of is play cars and rolling them along the bench but just falling off the end as he doesn't concentrate on where the bench ends!
I'm glad your not convinced. I don't think I would be either.
Wii fit is awesome, surprisingly so. Especially the core and balance games. Doesn't feel like a chore either.
Join the discussion
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.Register now »
Already registered? Log in with:
Please login first.