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AIBU to bug my DH to lose weight?

(140 Posts)
Bellabooboo Tue 16-May-17 23:31:20

DH is morbidly obese, a good 20 Stone for a 6"5 (I admit it's tall), he's got a 42/44 inch waist. He looks grey and sallow, does not exercise (says he doesn't have time- but sits on his bottom at home once we've got the kids to bed, they've been playing up recently - so 9pm but normally 7pm).
He enjoys cooking but is not always the healthiest cook. He cooks for us most nights but since DD2 was born and moved house we've had loads of takeaways as been too tired to cook. Somehow though I've gone back to a pre baby weight but he's stayed at his current weight.
He drinks a lot of coffee (baby wakes us up) and Diet Coke. I never see him drink water but he says he does.
I'm so so worried about him. I'm going on a health kick now as my bp was slightly raised at the GP today. DH just doesn't seem bothered by it though despite claiming he's constantly knackered (he has a stressful job even though it's 9-5) and falls asleep on the sofa as soon as he's eaten (I busy around)
I'm so worried about him. I appreciate he's tired but he doesn't help himself. I'm worried about his health and to be honest, his gut is off putting sexually. I have never told him this.

Bellabooboo Tue 16-May-17 23:32:15

What if anything can I do? He's literally just come to bed despite saying how tired he was earlier this evening

Bellabooboo Tue 16-May-17 23:33:58

I am going to pick up more cooking slack tonight I've been batch cooking. But he criticises my cooking so much it's really hard because I've never cooking anything until now

FelineEleganza Tue 16-May-17 23:36:35

Can't help but think if it was reversed and we had a husband nagging his wife to get slimmer, it would be cries of LTB.

Bellabooboo Tue 16-May-17 23:37:33

That's true come to think of it.

I just want him to be healthier!

Boulshired Tue 16-May-17 23:39:11

At 6.5 and twenty stone I doubt he would be morbidly obese. He needs to want it himself, it sounds like he is struggling with sugar highs and lows.

SunshineOutdoors Tue 16-May-17 23:40:03

I don't agree, I think this is more about the health and happiness aspect than aesthetics for op. I think a man posting with similar concerns would get some advice on how to help in a gentle manner, as I think op needs. It's a tricky one as it is easy to offend and defences get raised.

SunshineOutdoors Tue 16-May-17 23:41:48

It is v hard to motivate oneself when dcs are tiny and sleep is scarce. Unhealthy habits can be a good coping mechanism at these times, unfortunately

stitchglitched Tue 16-May-17 23:41:57

God Feline at least wait for some actual replies before you start with the reverse the gender nonsense that now seems mandatory on every relationship thread!

OP I understand how you feel. My partner has weight issues that are affecting his health too and I worry about him alot. Ultimately any change has to come from him though.

Bellabooboo Tue 16-May-17 23:42:48

He's got a BMI of 34 I've just checked the NHS website and you're right it's just obese

Bellabooboo Tue 16-May-17 23:45:33

Sometimes I think if I say the weight is impacting our sex life it might shock him into doing something but I think that's a low swipe.
I don't get how we have similar food though and I'm just at the higher end of normal and he's obese. I think he's secret eating on the way home, I'll peep in his car.

stitchglitched Tue 16-May-17 23:45:50

That is a good point Sunshine. My own weight ballooned in the year after I had DC2 and was struggling with PND and lack of sleep. Even though I've lost a good bit of weight now I still struggle with the urge to comfort eat junk when I'm having a bad or tiring day.

Joffmognum Tue 16-May-17 23:47:55

Wanting a spouse to be slimmer so they are more attractive and wanting them to be slimmer because you worry for their health are different things.

Why don't you find a couple of healthy recipes you approve of, and ask him to cook them?

He has a BMI of about 33. He is obese. sad does he actually know he's obese? It's very easy to kid yourself and think you "just need to lose a few".

Bellabooboo Tue 16-May-17 23:48:25

I think if he reduced the caffeine a bit he might feel better.
I'm going to try and do some low calorie freezable meals so niether of us have to cook. Maybe enrol him at a nice gym and tell him not to worry about me and the kids

LiviaDrusillaAugusta Tue 16-May-17 23:48:28

Why do you need to 'peep in his car'? If he's eating in secret then he's probably not going to leave the wrappers lying around confused

Bellabooboo Tue 16-May-17 23:48:49

Yes he knows. He's semi medical too

Bellabooboo Tue 16-May-17 23:49:20

I've found Costa panini sleeves in his foot well before.

AllPizzasGreatAndSmall Tue 16-May-17 23:49:30

God Feline at least wait for some actual replies before you start with the reverse the gender nonsense that now seems mandatory on every relationship thread!

Why? My first thought was if a woman came on here saying her husband wanted her to lose weight claiming it was for her health, or a man asked about it regarding his wife (particularly the bit about being put off sexually) people would be up in arms about it.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta Tue 16-May-17 23:50:27

Enrolling him in a gym is taking it a tad far. How would you feel if he said that he didn't want to have sex with you but he had got you a gym membership so that you could improve?

I know it's coming from the point of view of his health but he knows he's overweight - if you don't find him attractive or whatever then that's okay but there's being concerned and there's being worryingly controlling (or looking like you are iyswim)

Bellabooboo Tue 16-May-17 23:50:41

I think perhaps if he got some exercise he'd feel less tired as he gets fitter?

Boulshired Tue 16-May-17 23:51:09

It can be easier to help if the problem is portion control or eating the wrong food. If it is secretive eating then it will probably be linked with emotional eating and much harder to deal with.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta Tue 16-May-17 23:51:53

I'm sure he would but it's really crappy to enforce gym attendance on him. If he's that overweight it's going to be hell for him, he will probably be utterly humiliated in front of all those toned bodies

Bellabooboo Tue 16-May-17 23:54:50

He said he'd like to go to the gym but wants to see the kids and knows it's hard to put them to bed. DD1 has terrible terrible twos and can be a little bigger and DD2 is 8 months old. But we've just started not bathing them every night so I could suggest he goes then.

BarbarianMum Tue 16-May-17 23:55:01

Yes nagging is a well known weight loss technique. Definitely try it. hmm

MrsTerryPratchett Tue 16-May-17 23:55:23

It sounds like he's generally not feeling good. Tired, fueled on caffeine and crap food, feeling blah. It's a vicious circle and hard to get out of.

What about making some small changes to help him feel healthier. Get out in the countryside on the weekend, a few long walks and bring a healthy picnic (with water bottles!).

I was the one who struggled to get back my mojo after DD. I'm running now and feeling (and looking) better. If DH had said that he didn't fancy me while I was feeling unhealthy, it might have ended my marriage.

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