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To think my Shit year has just got worse

(85 Posts)
spikelovesbuffy Tue 16-May-17 23:00:49

I think I am just venting .im sitting in the dark with no clue what to do next .
Please be gentle ,I am so low right now .
I have just found Condoms in my 'd'h pockets.
He doesn't know that Iv found them yet .
I can hardly breath with the hurt .
I want to go and punch his fucking lights out ,but I can't show him my hurt .
There is no innocent explanation for the condoms ,I know this .
I just want to walk out the door and keep walking .
25 fucking years !
Fuck fuck fuck ,

Topuptheglass Tue 16-May-17 23:04:54

You poor love.

Will you speak to him tomorrow?

ohcomeonnow Tue 16-May-17 23:05:22

I'm so sorry to hear this, what a shock flowers I'm sorry I don't have any advice, but someone will be along soon I'm sure. Keep venting if it helps.

spikelovesbuffy Tue 16-May-17 23:06:38

I'm not sure if I can ,I don't want to speak to him at all .once the words are out ,there's no going back .
I just can't believe he would do this to me .

BitOutOfPractice Tue 16-May-17 23:07:52

Oh shit. Did you have any suspicions before that discovery?

spikelovesbuffy Tue 16-May-17 23:08:21

Thank you both for replying ,I am feeling very alone right now .
It's good to know there actually people out there listening .

JaneEyre70 Tue 16-May-17 23:08:24

Wow your heart must be pounding. Can you show him you've found them, and ask why he has them and tell him there is no place for lies between you after 25 years.........

spikelovesbuffy Tue 16-May-17 23:10:01

I don't know how to highlight names ,sorry
I knew something was wrong ,but I just wouldn't let myself believe it was this .that he would do this to me .
I would never have betrayed him .

Fruitcorner123 Tue 16-May-17 23:10:19

Maybe don't show him yet. Wait and try and find out a bit more first. Once you have told him and he has given you his version of events (which may be lies) he will cover his tracks far more closely.

justkeeponsmiling Tue 16-May-17 23:11:58


troodiedoo Tue 16-May-17 23:12:35

That is shit. I'm sorry. You must be very hurt. flowers however you want to proceed there is help and support for you here. Do you have anyone who can be there for you in real life?

spikelovesbuffy Tue 16-May-17 23:14:05

I just can't bring myself to tell him i found them .
This whole pack of cards will fall ,and there would be no going back then .
I have to either pretend it's not happening ,or confront it .but then that'll be the end .i don't want to hear sorry ,or worse .what if he is glad I know .and wants out of our marriage but didn't know how to end it .

RJnomore1 Tue 16-May-17 23:14:42

Love you might want to get this moved to relationships where you will get great advice and suppprt (everyone's been lovely here so far but AIBU can be somewhat robust)

I'm so sorry. Do you have children?

zizza Tue 16-May-17 23:15:08

I haven't got any words of wisdom for you but just wanted you​ to know I'm thinking of you - you must feel awful at the moment. I really think you need to confront him about this but perhaps wait until you've calmed down a bit first. Have you got anyone to talk to about it?

Tapandgo Tue 16-May-17 23:17:17

So sorry for you.
In your own time - tell him you know he has been unfaithful and that he has just one chance to come clean.
Don't tell him what you have found as it gives him the chance to explain it all away innocently. (Friends, freebies in a club etc)
Keep him guessing how you know - you are more likely to get to the heart of the matter.

Whatever you do - your choice, your terms.

honeyroar Tue 16-May-17 23:17:21

You poor thing. That can't have been nice. What made you think something was wrong?

spikelovesbuffy Tue 16-May-17 23:17:21

There isn't anyone in rl to talk to ,I wouldn't want my friends to know what's going on .i feel so humiliated .
I don't need to know any more , I know enough .
I feel such a mug ,

troodiedoo Tue 16-May-17 23:18:15

Don't do anything in a hurry. You need time to process this. But don't let on you know. Showing your hand too early is not productive. You are about to find out how strong you are.

mineofuselessinformation Tue 16-May-17 23:19:23

spike, as someone who's been there, you really need to remember there is no shame attached to you - you haven't done anything wrong,

KeepServingTheDrinks Tue 16-May-17 23:22:56


things will change. They might get worse,but ultimately they'll get better. Hold on!

Remember - And this too will pass (do you know that poem? It's beautiful!)

Ledkr Tue 16-May-17 23:24:04

Absolutely not your fault.
It's happened to the best of us.
You need to contact someone tomorrow like a friend or sibling, to talk through your next actions.

I know one thing though. You will get through this and come out the other end. I promise.

spikelovesbuffy Tue 16-May-17 23:25:00

Thank you everyone .you have been kind .
I know how it goes in Aibu .if it gets to much for me ,I'll just bow out .
But I needed to know there are people out there ,and here is where the most traffic is .
But thank you for being concerned.

SaucyJack Tue 16-May-17 23:30:26

I'm sorry mate xx

Don't kill yourself looking for definitive proof or stalking him or badgering him for every last excruciating detail is my advice. It won't help your state of mind in the long run.

If you know it's over, and that the trust has gone, that's reason enough. Look after yourself in this. You don't need a confession or his permission.

SaucyJack Tue 16-May-17 23:31:05

*permission to end it.

2017SoFarSoGood Tue 16-May-17 23:33:58

Spike my heart hurts for you flowers

Please don't feel shame. You have done nothing to cause shame.

I'm so sorry that you have to face up to this, but you know you do. Not right now, but once you've had time to think, to try to formulate a 'what next' plan. Worst and best case scenarios. What will and won't you be able to accept. Take time to figure that out before doing any confronting with this. You need to be in charge here - it is ultimately your future that matters now.

You will need to be strong. We're here to hold your hand.

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