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Is it unreasonable to fear your newborn baby will die (at every moment of the day). Is it a sign of PND?

(64 Posts)
SanitysSake Tue 16-May-17 19:50:45

As above. I'm losing my sh*t ladies. Little one is 2 weeks old today. I have a recurrent mantra running through my head 'Please don't die, don't die, die, shit, am I saying 'Die'? NO, don't die. God I'm sorry I'm your Mum. Please forgive me. I'm so so sorry. You look blue. Are you breathing? <poke>. Oh god, thank you, you're still breathing. Your breathing sounds rattly. Should I wake you up, sit you upright? Burp you again? Please stay with me...I love you. I don't think I'm doing the best, but I really don't want you to die.'

Yep.. losing it. Any gentle advice to a new first time mum gratefully received.


Alansdeepbath Tue 16-May-17 19:52:49

This does sound like it could be pnd. Can you make a gp appointment? Sending unmumsnetty hugs. Xxx

Fairybella Tue 16-May-17 19:53:48

Errr not sure it's normal but I felt like this.
I got the angel care alarm so I could actually sleep at night.
The amount of times I woke up my kids to check they were breathing and instantly regretted it!!!

ImperialBlether Tue 16-May-17 19:54:11

Yes, I think so. I had a much milder version of this and it was PND - I had anti-depressants and felt great afterwards. Please do see a doctor - you don't have to feel like this.

NeedMoreSleepOrSugar Tue 16-May-17 19:54:19

I think most new mums have an irrational fear or two especially in the early days, but what you're describing sounds constant and extremely anxious. Please talk to your gp, they can help

sjd84 Tue 16-May-17 19:54:31

Hi SanitysSake I had PND with my little boy, anxiety was a key part of it. I would recommend talking to your GP or midwife/health visitor as the sooner you talk to someone and get help the better you will feel.

bigchris Tue 16-May-17 19:55:13

Agree with imperial, please visit the gp flowers

PaintingByNumbers Tue 16-May-17 19:55:17

sounds more like postnatal anxiety, I'll try n link

Fitzsimmons Tue 16-May-17 19:55:34

Hi OP,

You sound very much like I was with my first, I had PND and anxiety, more anxiety than the depression. Your GP will help you and if you can get some CBT that will make a huge difference. Don't leave it, like I did, because it will get worse. I hope you get some sleep tonight and are able to rest. flowers

peneleope82 Tue 16-May-17 19:55:42

I had Postnatal Anxiety and whilst no one can diagnose over the internet and everyone is different, it's worth talking to the GP and Health Visitor to make sure you're being supported. Be kind to yourself and take motherhood one day at a time flowers

JontyDoggle37 Tue 16-May-17 19:56:07

Sanity im sorry you're feeling so anxious flowers
I had these thoughts a lot as a new mum (although not constant) and I still have to go and check he's breathing if asleep etc (he's 2).
What I would say is, if you are finding these thoughts are occurring so often that they are taking over, ring your health visitor (if they're good) or go and see your GP now. There's no shame in asking for help, and it's better to talk to someone sooner rather than later if it is PND. You. You might find just talking it through with a professional would help enormously, it doesn't mean prescriptions etc, but even if it does, just accept it as part of your necessary recovery from childbirth and a short term step. I wish you the very best.

IAmTheWorwax Tue 16-May-17 19:57:01

It's normal to feel very protective, but what you are experiencing doesn't sound quite right.

You must be knackered with all that anxiety?! Have you spoken to your midwife? If not then please do asap, really emphasise how often you have these thoughts to her.

In the meantime try and think how far you have come already. You've grown her from a tiny seed until she's a full blown human, and kept her alive and thriving for another 2 weeks after that! You've done an amazing job and you should be congratulating yourself.

peneleope82 Tue 16-May-17 19:57:35

Should have added, CBT made an enormous difference to me. I would never have dreamt I would feel this much 'like me' again flowers

ScarletForYa Tue 16-May-17 19:57:46

Perfectly normal ! I second getting the angelcare monitor.

I'm still the same now and dd is nearly 5 years old!

SanitysSake Tue 16-May-17 19:58:10

Thank you, All. It does feel like Anxiety. Breathtaking anxiety.

I think you're all right. I need to go and see the GP and quick sharpish.

Thank you for making me feel like I'm not entirely losing my mind. x

hellomoon Tue 16-May-17 19:58:15

Hi OP.. I can totally relate to this as I experienced it myself.. along with catastrophic thoughts about allnsorts of awful scenarios

I didn't have PND. But I was experiencing high anxiety levels whixh time, talking and experience helped to lessen.

Share your concerns with those around you if you have support in RL. And talk to your GP or HV who can help you to understand if this is just an 'adjustment' thing or something more.

Sending love... It's unpleasant to say the least but it won't necessarily go on to develop into PND.

PovertyJetset Tue 16-May-17 19:58:25

From my own personal experience that's not normal .

Go easy on yourself, take a moment and catch your breath.

You don't need to be perfect, just be you and take care of yourself and the baby.

Are you seeing friends? Have you got some support?

A new baby can really fuck things up hormonally, emotionally. You should talk to your health visitor or GP.

Congratulations on your new baby xxx

littleshitebing Tue 16-May-17 19:58:29

I was exactly the same, I spoke to my midwife as hadn't been discharged to hv yet and they came and saw me everyday to check on me and make sure the crippling fear was easing. I must admit I faked it with mw as was sick of her coming which was stupid, I think I probably had pnd looking back and made my life harder till around 4 months. Seek help

Camelsinthegobi Tue 16-May-17 19:59:09

Do talk to your GP. Mine were so lovely and helpful with yhis kind of thing after my babiesSome hormone irrationality is to be expected and I was on the verge of PND, but you sound like some early help will be good.

AlfieTheRailwayCat Tue 16-May-17 19:59:46

At 2weeks in under like this too. I cried every evening because I felt so anxious about going to sleep and not being able to constantly watch her. I was such a mess that the HV visited daily in my second week because she was so worried about me. However it improved, turned out not to be PND and I scored low-middle on the questionnaire at 6weeks. As I got more confident my anxiety lessened. Sleep deprevation does not help anxiety. Try to rest if you can and discuss your concerns with the HV, it's best to be honest so they can be helpful and see a GP if you get concerned or the feelings don't lessen.

CHJR Tue 16-May-17 20:02:01

I second that it's in line with normal. (I say "in line," as in on the spectrum of ... don't pretend to know what is really normal, as I probably am not that ever hmm ) I spent a lot of time hallucinating visualizing dire and weird ways I might accidentally kill my children for some weeks. I think it's hormonal, but if it's making your life hard, you should consult GP/HV.

musicmomma Tue 16-May-17 20:02:10

Yes I'm constantly terrified! But it gets better as you get used to your new little person. Baby music is 5 weeks and I feel better every day. I think the sids thing scares the shit out of everyone, but I am assured it is really rare. Try to focus on one task at a time. Do a nappy change, baby is clean now, I have succeeded in caring for my baby. I used to say 'i have done a good job today' before bed every night. The first weeks as horrendous, the exhaustion alone makes you loopy, anxious and stressed as you will be surviving on adrenaline to get you through. Hang in there, talk to your health visitor about how you are feeling, you'll find she's heard it all before and will be very reassuring. I have suffered with anxiety before and have felt exactly how you describe about my husband, my family, friends etc and now of course I have a baby I'm back to my old tricks. I found that just telling people how I felt really helped and to be honest, every new mum (is it your first?) seems to feel, to different extents, exactly the same.

Sending lots of hugs, I really hope you start to feel better soon. There is loads of help out there for post natal anxiety, don't be afraid to ask for it xxx

KeiraKnightleyActsWithHerTeeth Tue 16-May-17 20:02:26

I'm really glad you haven't kept this to yourself. Coming on here is the first step. Do you still have the midwife coming out for checks? Is so mention it to her and at the same time try to get in with your GP ASAP.
Wishing you the best OP and congratulations on your new arrival.

Ilikecheeriosyum Tue 16-May-17 20:03:08

It does sound like anxiety at this point, but extreme anxiety can develop into obsessive compulsive disorder, particularly after child birth when the family worry particularly about germs and illness, death and all the things that can go wrong.

So I really recommend you have a chat with your health visitor/gp/midwife and they'll have different options like medication and therapy such as CBT and talking therapy.

Good luck, medication really helped me get control back and therapy helped get in control of the run away thoughta.

OhDearToby Tue 16-May-17 20:03:47

I felt like this with dd1. I read about post natal anxiety on here the other day and it really sounded familiar. I wasn't depressed, I was just hugely anxious.

I never spoke to anyone about it but I really wish I had. It effected my bonding with dd1 because I was scared to get too attached incase she died (she is now 7 and it's safe to say we are fully bonded now!).

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