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AIBU?

September term time holiday, should I say no?

18 replies

Verity86 · 16/05/2017 19:47

My son will be starting in year 2 this august. His father asked a couple of months ago if he could take him abroad for a holiday over the summer break.
Not a problem, I'm happy with that, he will enjoy it I'm sure and it's something new and exciting.
Then a couple of weeks ago he messaged me with the dates... the first day is the start of the new term.
At first I didn't really know what the dates of the new school year were but he had said the holiday was booked for the 4th to the 12th of September. But I thought I'd double check seeing as they usually start back the first week of September.
In his defence the dates are not on the school website but he is an intelligent guy and it took me all of 10 minutes to find out. Now I'm not happy about him missing 8 days of school. I gave him all the information he would need in order to get approval from the school.
Fast forward to now and the school have denied the request and obviously there will be a fine that he is apparently happy to pay. I have now been sent a document to sign to confirm I am happy for him to be taken out of the country the the dates set out and honestly I'm not, I'm happy for him to go away with his dad but it's a week of school he will be missing.
I have voiced my concerns to his father and the reaction I got was "it's hardly like he's doing gcse's so why does it matter"
Is that really the attitude to have? Am I the bad guy in this situation if I say no? Do I sign it, do I let him go? Or do I put things in motion that prohibits him from taking him out the country this time around?

Any advice or opinions cause I'm completely torn, I want my son to have a good time with his dad but is the start of the new school year really the time for that to happen?

OP posts:

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Sparklingbrook · 16/05/2017 19:50

I think he should have realised that schools would have been back in by then, he should have checked before booking.

I would not be happy. He asked for 'over the summer break' which this is not.

CountryCaterpillar · 16/05/2017 19:50

I wouldn't be worried about a week of school as such but I really wouldn't take it in the first 2-3 weeks of term as that's when they're settling into their new classes. I think it would make it much harder for hin

Sparklingbrook · 16/05/2017 19:51

That's no help. Sorry. I am not sure what you should do, especially if it has implications going forward.

QuackDuckQuack · 16/05/2017 19:57

Could you end up being fined too? If you agree then you are effectively complicit. But equally having given him the information he needed to apply for school permission implied that you are ok with it.

Astro55 · 16/05/2017 20:01

Who's the document from?

I'd go in and tell school about your predicament- that you didn't know the exact dates - Dad booked and paid for the holiday and any fine he's solely responsible and that you aren't going with them?

Sounds like something they should've sent to dad

3boys3dogshelp · 16/05/2017 20:02

Our head still allows some term time holiday, but absolutely nothing in September when all the classes are getting settled.
He will be starting on the back foot when everyone else has spent a week getting to know the teacher and how the class runs and also starting all their new topics.
I'm not against term time holiday but I wouldn't do it to my kids.

Verity86 · 16/05/2017 20:03

Technically it would be my fine not his and it is £120.
The fine I'm ok about it's more the fact that it's a new year, new start, teacher and class and he will be missing out on all that. As well as his education.

I just feel like I'm being the bad guy for wanting to say no but surely it's in my sons best interests to at the very least attempt to be in school for the full year. Regardless of what they will be doing while they are there?

OP posts:

shouldwestayorshouldwego · 16/05/2017 20:03

He would need to agree to pay your fine too before I would sign it. Maybe even put it in a separate bank account so it can be returned if there is no fine. I would probably agree on this occasion but make it clear that I wouldn't again.

Maxandrubyrubyandmax · 16/05/2017 20:03

I wouldn't be worried about the week off school but really wouldn't allow it the first few weeks back. But it looks like what's done is done. I would write a letter to the school explaining the situation

Verity86 · 16/05/2017 20:06

The doc he wants be to sign is something from the CAB basically saying I give him permission thetakehim outthecountry.
The school sent the term time leave decline letter to the father as he applied. The fine however will be mine technically. As I have residence, I will be the one this is forwarded to

OP posts:

Fruitcorner123 · 16/05/2017 20:09

Firstly i would make him pay you the fine directly before signing anything. Secondly If you do decide to sign you should make it clear that this is a once and once only thing and you won't be agreeing to it again in the future.

Given that it's only May and he has time to make alternative arrangements I think I would actually say no. It's not just a term time holiday it's the start of term which makes a difference. You agreed to a holiday in August not September and anyone with an ounce of sense knows schools start roughly then so i think he just looked at prices and thought it was worth being cheeky because he thought you would give in.

MyPatronusIsAUnicorn · 16/05/2017 20:11

I wouldn't be happy about this. It doesn't take a genius to work out schools go back before 12th September, he knew that wasn't school holidays when he first asked you, but worded it so you wouldn't just say no. I also don't mind children missing some school, but not the first week back. We went away at the end of August last year and were going to return early so DCs didn't miss the first day but the school ended up having an inset day so it wasn't an issue in the end. 8 days at the start of a new school year, no I wouldn't agree.

positivity123 · 16/05/2017 21:01

I'd dig my heels in. I'd rather have an argument with the dad than have my son miss out on the first week of school. It's a key time for them to settle in.

Rainbowcolours1 · 16/05/2017 21:07

Starting a new year is important. Children who miss that start do miss out. Both parents can be fined.

Trb17 · 16/05/2017 21:11

Firstly, each parent with parental responsibility will be fined so it will be one fine for you and another for his Dad.

Secondly I would not let him miss so much time in the first 2-3 weeks as that's when they are settling in. If he misses out he could feel out of step for quite a while on his return.

Ellisandra · 16/05/2017 21:21

This is two separate things.

Whether you're happy for him to miss school - no.
Whether you're happy for him to travel abroad with his father - yes.

It sounds like you have already agreed to the holiday - when you gave your ex the information to apply to school for permission.

Has the holiday been paid for?
And is your child one who isn't likely to be too bothered by starting late?

If so, I think you should suck it up. But - tell your XH it's a one off and you don't want your son missing school again.

I never take mine out, though I have friends who I respect who do. The time to refuse was before you told him to go ahead and request permission though.

LittleOwl153 · 16/05/2017 21:23

The difficulty here is you essentially gave him permission to take DC away on specified dates when you gave him info for school. Did you respond to the return letter from school or suggest that he could only take DC if school gave permission?

The form from CAB is an immigration thing as part of his passport - not signing this would not stop him (on the information provided) from taking DC away in UK - if he decided to push it.

For what it's worth I would not want DC out of school in Sept. Though I would be more open at other times.

Yukbuck · 16/05/2017 21:25

I thought the fines had been scrapped (Totally missing point of thread)
It's a tough one because you will look like the bad guy. But I agree with you that the first week back isn't the best time to go!

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