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To not want to be patronised just because I am pregnant?

(8 Posts)
Hidinginthespareroom Tue 16-May-17 14:35:22

I am genuinely wondering whether it is me and whether I am being bonkers and hormonal. As you will see from a previous thread, I am also quite annoyed by the very, very chatty workman at the moment, so maybe I am just crazy and hormonal, but I don't think so...

We bought a car from a particular garage less than a year ago. It started making funny noises so we took it in to be fixed. The car dealership that sells these particular cars in our city is a 1.5 hour round trip from our house. They said it was fixed. It wasn't. I took it back it again this morning and they said they had no spare courtesy cars despite our having booked one, and suggested I bring it back tomorrow.

I explained (very quietly, but to be fair in a tone that showed I was clearly pretty fed up by this point), that the problem had arisen because they had sold us a car that didn't work properly, that they had failed to fix it on a previous occasion, that my DH had had to go into work late this morning in order to make it possible for me to bring the car to the garage and that no, it would not be convenient to bring it back tomorrow.

The guy at the garage looked at my enormous, heavily-pregnant stomach, smirked at me and told me to "calm down, calm down...". I asked him very quietly but probably in a rather icy tone not to tell me to calm down. The reason I am annoyed is not because I am hormonal; it is because they provided rubbish customer service. I think. But do I sound like a mad woman for being annoyed about this?

Madammim17 Tue 16-May-17 14:45:41

YANBU. This drove me absolutely mental when I was pregnant with DS. People just couldn't seem to understand that the times when I was genuinely annoyed or angry had nothing to do with my hormones, it was because it was a normal thing to feel in response to certain circumstances! Anybody would be annoyed at being told someone was fixed and then finding out it wasn't; it's hardly gonna make anybody happy is it hmm

Craiconwithit Tue 16-May-17 14:46:10

YANBU. He's being a cheeky fecker having failed to deliver on a promise to fix it and trying to shift the situation onto you by repeatedly telling you to calm down.
Would he have done that to a man?
Just tell him that you'll sit there and give birth in his office unless he sorts it pronto. That will probably scare him far more than any macho guy could do. grin

Iwasjustabouttosaythat Tue 16-May-17 14:48:31

He's being sexist. YANBU.

Hidinginthespareroom Tue 16-May-17 15:35:05

Thank you. I'm not crazy, am I? You are completely right. He wouldn't have done it to a man.

TheLegendOfBeans Tue 16-May-17 15:37:25

No YANBU. Pregnancy appears to allow idiots to be megaidiots to you for 9 months.

WonderLime Tue 16-May-17 15:44:08

I think people can be incredibly patronising. I'm 31 weeks and having similar problems at work. If something has been misplaced or a silly error has been made and we don't know who it is in the office, I will also be the first person accused due to 'baby brain' - this is always from my female boss who says it in front of my direct reports (even though at least two of these occurrences have actually been proven to have been her bloody mistakes).

Now one of my male colleagues does the 'calm down' thing too. I have no idea why people suddenly deem it appropriate to talk in such a demeaning manner because we are pregnant. This wouldn't have been considered reasonable before pregnancy.

Madammim17 Tue 16-May-17 16:22:10

Wonderlime That sounds awful and so unprofessional!

Other people's attitudes was probably the only part of being pregnant that I disliked. If it wasn't someone being patronising to you, it was people suddenly becoming experts on what you can and can't do during pregnancy. I'm the first of my friendship group to have a child so it was a huge novelty for us all haha, but one friend took great offence to the fact that I wanted to go out to a social outdoor event in our town when I was a week overdue, to the point where she was really pushy about the fact that I was being 'irresponsible'. When I pointed out that not only had my midwife encouraged me to go, a highly recommended method to encourage labour to start (which was what I wanted as I was quite uncomfortable by then!) is to go for a walk, she acted as though I was the one being rude and dismissive! Needless to say, the rage did kick in then grin

OP, unfortunately as another poster has said, it does seem to encourage the idiots out of the woodwork so the best thing to do, in my opinion, is to tell them all to sod off or threaten to sit on them grin

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