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Should I ask why this guy is mad at me?

(57 Posts)
AteRiri Tue 16-May-17 10:55:30

We have a group project in uni, and during a Skype discussion, I raised a point that was contrary to what this other guy was saying. My other groupmates agreed with me, and the guy basically became silent the remainder of the meeting.

I thought nothing of it, and then this afternoon, during another meeting (face-to-face) he was throwing major shade at me.

I can only trace it back to me contradicting him because I don't have any other contact with him other than at school.

Do I ask him why he's mad at me? Would you?

Dianneabbottsmathsteacher Tue 16-May-17 10:59:55

What's major shade?

Anyway were you rude or patronising? Did you make him look stupid or was it just a proper discussion and you putting a different view.

If the first you might need to mend fences if it's the second hes a sulky arse who probably doesn't like women disagreeing with him.

See how it goes

harderandharder2breathe Tue 16-May-17 11:04:21

You're both being childish

Let it go, get on with the project, be civil to him

AteRiri Tue 16-May-17 11:06:50

Anyway were you rude or patronising? Did you make him look stupid or was it just a proper discussion and you putting a different view.

It was a proper discussion, so we (the group) were all very surprised that he suddenly became quiet - we thought he was disconnected!

be civil to him

I was. He was the one who looked and acted really pissed at me.

MumIsRunningAMarathon Tue 16-May-17 11:09:20

You stole his thunder op, simple as that!

AteRiri Tue 16-May-17 11:09:53

Basically he wanted us to focus on something that's not really important, and I pointed it out and suggested an alternative. The other groupmates agreed with me.

Then this afternoon, he brought it up again, and I explained my point again. The other group members agreed with me again. He kept insisting his point and he sounded very pissed off.

StillStayingClassySanDiego Tue 16-May-17 11:14:01

You already know why he's pissed off, your view was thought of as a better suggestion and others agreed with you.

Stay civil and get on with the project, it's up to him to stop sulking.

Dianneabbottsmathsteacher Tue 16-May-17 11:15:41

It does seem like it's you two that are leading the discussions though. What about the others setting the agenda?

SymbollocksInteractionism Tue 16-May-17 11:16:19

You disagreed with him, that is all.
Male entitlement, ignore him.

ChicRock Tue 16-May-17 11:24:03

Wtf is "throwing major shade"?

Let him sulk, stay polite and civil. No acknowledgement of his sulk or drama required.

littlefurrysheep Tue 16-May-17 11:25:24

you know why he's pissed off. he sounds like an insecure little man child. give him a biscuit and crack on.

diddl Tue 16-May-17 11:28:40

You know why he's pissed off.

"Throwing major shade"??!!

Every day's a uni school day.

CruCru Tue 16-May-17 11:33:16

"Throwing shade" means to be unpleasant to someone in a way that makes it obvious that the person being unpleasant is the one who is at fault.

user1477249785 Tue 16-May-17 11:36:10

OP you do not need this guy to like you and you do not need to be the peace maker in this situation. You did nothing wrong - he is obviously not used to being disagreed with. This is his issue. Move on, be civil but don't feel the need to try and 'fix' this.

Figaro2017 Tue 16-May-17 11:38:26

Male entitlement? Man child?

No, just a knob who happens to be a man.

BorpBorpBorp Tue 16-May-17 11:40:25

Goodness, no. Ignore his ridiculousness. If he wants to sulk it's up to him, you get on with the project.

NotMyPenguin Tue 16-May-17 11:43:22

I would ignore it. Women are often taught to take on the 'emotional labour' of a relationship or group, but it really isn't your job to walk him through the process of learning how to disagree politely with other people and still have a good relationship. Leave it to him. It sounds like you did nothing wrong but that he hasn't yet learned how to deal with conflict constructively.

laureywilliams Tue 16-May-17 11:43:41

Never heard 'throwing shade' but it's immediately obvious what it means and I love it! There's a mum in the playground who throws me major shade. I ignore it. It does feel awkward at times but she's the one who looks stupid.

How is the op being childish?

ITooHaveBeenThere Tue 16-May-17 11:47:59

You're a woman. You're not supposed to disagree with the man.

In some cases, it's a simple as that.

BluePeppers Tue 16-May-17 11:50:27

Ignore and carry in with the work that the WHOLE group has agreed to.

YY to male entitlement. He us probably unused to have a woman being to,d she is right and he isn't.
Hell get over it.

WimbledonMum1 Tue 16-May-17 11:59:44

throwing shade = dissing someone

hoddtastic Tue 16-May-17 12:06:47

how old are you?

Ceto Tue 16-May-17 12:12:51

Clearly OP isn't being childish and it's incorrect to accuse her of that. However, it's correct that there is no need to ask this man why he's having a strop, the reasons are very obvious.

user1477249785 Tue 16-May-17 12:16:38

Why on earth does it matter how old she is??

FindoGask Tue 16-May-17 12:22:12

"Never heard 'throwing shade' but it's immediately obvious what it means and I love it!"

Same. Can't people guess what things mean by the context? Or do you need dictionary definitions for every unfamiliar phrase?

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