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AIBU to think dp was being a douche either way?

(20 Posts)
Queenofthestress Tue 16-May-17 01:04:41

Right, so dp is staying over tonight, he's had a drink but not drunk and I think he's been a douche but want opinions since he thinks he hasn't

DC1 woke up crying with a poorly belly (I think anyway, he's in the jargon phase but is like a parrot with copying words but not understanding) finally got him settled but still awake watching his nightlight.

Dp came up to help settle him as it can be quite hard some days and decides that since DC1 is still awake he wants to talk about moving the unit in his room

He worded it as 'since he's awake let's move the unit to the other wall' then started effing and blinding every two words when I replyed that we're not doing it at this time of night!

He went downstairs, I tucked DC1 in then joined him, saying that 'he doesn't need to swear when DC1 is watching him, there's no reason for it and I don't want him copying'

DP replied 'that he can if I've pissed him off' so I told him that 'no he doesn't, especially not infront of DC1 who will copy, he knows this, he needs to pack it in' then he walked off and went out for a fag

Was he being a douche or am I over reacting??

FeedMeAndTellMeImPretty Tue 16-May-17 01:10:17


Your little one is old enough to hear and copy what he's saying, so he needs to watch his mouth. Older kids will hear the odd swear and know that they shouldn't repeat it, but there is nothing cute about a swearing toddler.

As for starting to move furniture when DS woke up, what a daft idea - surely the idea is to keep things quiet and calm to allow him to settle back to sleep?!

I take it this is not your DS' dad as you say he's staying over? If that's the case, then even more reason to lay down the law about what behaviour you're willing to accept around your child.

Queenofthestress Tue 16-May-17 02:00:08

He isn't his dad, he basically just said this is the way I talk, accept it and I'm just stood there thinking no, you don't talk like that around DC1, grow up! You're not a teenager anymore!

NoncommittalToSparkleMotion Tue 16-May-17 02:19:19


lalalalyra Tue 16-May-17 02:21:42


Also - do you want furniture moved in your house?

I'd be seriously reconsidering a relationship with someone who tried to move furniture when I was settling a child to sleep and thought it was ok to swear in front of a child whose parent asked him not too do so.

blackteasplease Tue 16-May-17 02:26:09

He's worse than a douche

Why is he trying to move your furniture?

Anyone who swears in front of dc when their parents ask them not to, and then argues about it, needs to go imo.

Queenofthestress Tue 16-May-17 02:46:37

Apparently he meant talking about it now but doing it tomorrow, I've just had a word with him about it & his behaviour because I can't sleep thinking about how bloody disrespectful and idiotic it was, he's acted like a complete ass tonight, this was the third argument we'd had since the DC went to bed

Queenofthestress Tue 16-May-17 02:49:17

It does need moving, it's right next to DC1's new bed (just moved out of a toddler bed) and he has form for falling out and cracking his head on things even with the bed guards on, even managed to do it on the corner join of the skirting board when he was first out the crib

Plunkette Tue 16-May-17 04:00:35

Of course he shouldn't be swearing in front of your child!

Does he swear at his boss, his Mum, the Doctor, the Vicar or the police? I bet not.

He's a grown up, he's should have control over his language and temper.

MamaOfBabas Tue 16-May-17 04:36:06

He sounds like a twat.

fuffapster Tue 16-May-17 04:52:27

He was BU.

But it seems to me that both of you have had too much to drink (the way you're writing seems like drunk writing, apologies if I'm wrong).

So maybe you should sleep it off and see how you feel tomorrow.

haveacupoftea Tue 16-May-17 05:16:12

Smoking, drinking and swearing around your baby - he sounds like a real prize.

Is this really a man you want around your children?

Mummyoflittledragon Tue 16-May-17 05:19:54

Your child, your rules. And obviously he shouldn't swear in front of a little child. He swears in front of the kids, smokes, drinks and expects to be the authority figure in your hom. What are his redeeming qualities? Why are you drinking with this man when you have children in the house?

Queenofthestress Tue 16-May-17 06:29:17

I don't drink, and definitely not with the kids in the house, my youngest is only 4 months so if I drank no one would wake up with her

He was smoking outside, that's why he went downstairs, he seems to have completely changed since she was born

Phoebefromfriends Tue 16-May-17 06:39:11

I can just about understand the swearing as it can be difficult to adjust if you swear like a trooper the rest of the day; however, his attitude towards continuing to do it once you said to stop is disgraceful and very disrespectful. I also can't understand why you would move furniture in the middle of the night, unless it was an emergency. If all of that isn't bad enough he smokes! What on earth do you see in this guy? He sounds like a prick.

Mummyoflittledragon Tue 16-May-17 06:46:13

Good then why are you allowing him to drink?

pestov Tue 16-May-17 06:51:49

So your youngest is his? So many men struggle to cope with fatherhood, mostly because they are selfish twats who don't like your attention being diverted to the newborn.

He needs a good talking to when he's sober and calm, you need to be able to parent together. And if he can't do that then you know what you need to do, however hard it is.

Queenofthestress Tue 16-May-17 09:40:27

To be honest Mummy (I still have no idea how to tag) I actually have no idea, I've been trying to figure out the answer this morning and I don't have one, at first I thought it was because my DF used to have one or two bottles a night and its normal for me but then I realised that DF was never an ass, thoughtless or selfish or drunk most nights and still got up at 4am every day to still go to a 12 hour shift then come home and help with us as kids
So I really don't know why I put up with it because DP is all of those things half the time

Softkitty2 Tue 16-May-17 09:50:22

Douche bag indeed. Children should not be brought up to think swearing is normal and part of everyday vocabulary.

Queenofthestress Tue 16-May-17 10:22:51

The most the kids get in ear shot from me is 'oh for God's sake' and even then I'm working on it because it can be really offensive to some members of my family as my nan pointed out

Good to know I wasn't just over tired and over reacting like he seems to think!

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