I have a friend, formally a very good one, who is about to turn 30.
I say formally because over the last year she has dropped further and further off the grid. Will bail on planned nights out, not text back for days or weeks, has deleted social media (not that important to me but has cut off another avenue to keep in touch) she massively pissed me off a few weeks ago as she got in touch and was quite excited that a band we both love were due to play- so suggested we get a ticket online that weekend. She seemed really positive about it so I got mine, but it has since emerged that she never did get her ticket after all (but didn't tell me until I mentioned travel arrangements for it) so I'd be going on my own as it's now sold out.
I am in a relationship and she's met my partner multiple times and they got on, but I've made a big effort to suggest we do things together so it's not like he tags along. We have a mutual group of friends and shes flaky with them too, doesn't turn up to drinks etc, it really isn't just me. But she never used to be like this. I did think she may have something going on health wise or was financially struggling so couldn't afford to go out and I suggested going to visit her and staying in or invited her over to mine- still evasive, if she does text back at all.
It's been a year so naturally there's been events and occurrences happening in that time that we've not chatted about or caught up on, I feel like she's an acquaintance now more than a friend.
Anyway our mutual friend has suggested planning some kind of surprise for her 30th next month. It's quite a low key thing but needs to be booked in advance and it won't come cheap- it's a gin tasting followed by a meal. She also wants us all to chip in for a piece of jewellery at £25 each. So looking at over a £100, prob £130 ish.
And that's if the friend even turns up seems crazy to shell out that for someone who doesn't even answer text messages, but we were once really good friends, she made an effort to come out for my 30th, although nothing about it cost her loads, was just bat drinks. I'm going to risk looking like a total cow on the group chat with the person arranging all this- not said anything so far.
AIBU to think this is nuts and hold on to my (in no way plentiful) cash? I feel guilty if everyone else does it and I'm obviously absent!
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AIBU?
To not make a big deal of her 30th?
46 replies
HarrietKettleWasHere · 15/05/2017 18:13
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