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Female manager constantly saying I'm pretty

(18 Posts)
houmousandpitta Sun 14-May-17 22:48:08

I think she's a heterosexual female. She's no children and is single but has never mentioned anything to suggest being lesbian.

My issue is she keeps telling me I'm pretty. At first it was a compliment. Now it's creepy and she touches my arm a lot too in conversation.

At a staff night out she turned to our mutual colleague and said 'isn't she beautiful' to which my work colleague gave me a 'rolls eyes' look and said 'yes she is'. She then asked me what I was going to do about the Manager. I said nothing she's just being nice.

The thing is, I've had people compliment me before but it's generally a one off. This is constant and I'm openly gay which my Manager knows.

She has never ever actually hit on me so I don't know if I'm being a right diva but it gives me the creeps. I worry I'm being absurd and she's just complimenting me.

She's never suggested shagging at her place or meeting up outside of work. Maybe I'm being ridiculous. I just have a bad gut feeling

BollardDodger Sun 14-May-17 22:49:21

Perhaps she's jealous. Or wants to be your best friend.

NSEA Sun 14-May-17 22:50:32

She's your manager. It's inappropriate make or female, gay or straight. Just explain it makes you uncomfortable and ask her to stop!

BrickInTheWall Sun 14-May-17 22:52:50

Next time she says it say something lighthearted maybe laughing or eye rolling, "Oh not this again, people will start thinking you have a thing for me. Sorry to burst your bubble but you are REALLY not my type. Now, who's round is it?"

Kittencatkins123 Sun 14-May-17 22:54:49

I now have a mash up of Christina Aguilera and James Blunt in my head. shock

It's a bit over the top, though I've encountered this kind of OTT weirdness from bosses before - they were straight but kind of girl crushing?

I would just try to maintain your personal space and next time she says it just say 'would you mind not saying that it makes me feel really embarrassed' or 'people don't want to hear that' kind of thing in quite a light way?

Awwlookatmybabyspider Sun 14-May-17 22:55:10

You 'Think' she's a heterosexual female. Think being the key word. You don't know.
She's never mentioned about being a
Lesbian. People don't have to mention their sexuality.
I'd say She has the hots for you, and She's trying to let you know.

Awwlookatmybabyspider Sun 14-May-17 22:56:45

If you're jealous of someone you don't go around telling them. They're pretty
every waking moment

LockedOutOfMN Sun 14-May-17 23:01:04

One of my closest friends is a lesbian and I see straight women doing this too her frequently. They're flirting but aren't actually sexually interested in her. Sometimes they want her to do them a favour like something at work or if we're in a bar to buy them a drink. Sometimes they seem to do it in front of men to try to get their attention. My friend is quite wise to it. Sometimes a couple have even gone further and touched her inappropriately; they seem to think she is "fair game" as she's gay. To me it smacks of low self-esteem and is quite dislikeable.
However, your situation may be different, OP.

RhodaBorrocks Sun 14-May-17 23:05:35

Not helpful, but she could be bisexual of course. I had a female manager who was dating a woman then after they split began dating a man. She'd dated plenty of both before.

I've got a colleague that always goes on about how many clothes I have and always asks if each outfit is new (it never is, my DSis and I swap clothes a lot, and often I've worn something before but ages ago so she foesnt remember). It got to a point where I thought she might be being a bit bitchy and said I so rarely have any new clothes it wasn't worth her asking. She didn't ask as much after that but what finally stopped her was when she asked if my outfit was new and I said "No, but my knickers are!" Total lie but it shut her up!

You either have to say something outrageous like the "You're not my type" comment above, or explain you would like her to stop. YANBU TO feel uncomfortable though.

MammaTJ Sun 14-May-17 23:11:42

Brickinthewall gives good advice.

blerp Sun 14-May-17 23:14:58

Frankly, nobody has the right to make you feel uncomfortable in this way OP.

I'd take brickinthewall''s suggestion, tailored for lightheartedness to your situation and apply it. Good luck flowers

chastenedButStillSmiling Sun 14-May-17 23:18:06

Fancies you?

Uncomfortably homophobic and over-compensating?

Trying too hard to be "right on"?

Notmyrealname85 Sun 14-May-17 23:23:55

I've seen straight women be like this to gay guys - maybe she seems it as a harmless ego stroke for her but it's obviously is not nice at all for you and especially in a work setting. If this were a man I know what we'd all be saying

Italiangreyhound Sun 14-May-17 23:26:17

I worked with a lesbian a few years ago, and it was quite weird that at least one of my colleagues, who I am pretty sure was married to a man, was very flirty with her. Maybe the colleague was bi but she was married so it was quite surprising she was a bit flirty so openly, we worked with loads of people in a packed office.

I wonder if this woman is a bit intrigued, does find you very attractive and is kind of flirty without really realising how inappropriate it is.

I wouldn't make a joke of it, or over think it, I'd just say it makes you feel uncomfortable at work.

As someone said, male or female, gay or straight, it is not appropriate at work.

user1491572121 Sun 14-May-17 23:27:09

I had this once but it was a colleague and not my manager. I felt there was an odd...malice behind it. She seemed insencere...I WAS beautiful at the time and I think she didn't like she weirdly kept mentioning it in a sort of scary, smiling fashion.

scoobydoo1971 Sun 14-May-17 23:27:20

Not sure if she fancies you, but may be it is clumsy, positive mentoring from an inappropriate dark age....if she was coming onto you, there would be body language that would make it clear. I have had women come onto me before and it is pretty obvious. Being called 'pretty' is supposed to be a compliment, but it can make you cringe too. Why don't you have a quiet word saying you don't like it, and think it may be perceived by other people as unprofessional. She will catch the drift...

Italiangreyhound Sun 14-May-17 23:27:40

weird in the sense if one is thinking of having an affair with a work colleague one doesn't usually make it so openly obvious.

Secretsquirrelclub Sun 14-May-17 23:27:49

awwlook it doesn't matter if she gay or straight, it totally inappropriate behaviour from a manager and if they have got the hots for them, they really need to get a grip. Would you say the same about a male manager constantly commenting a females appearance.

Op - What's your normal reaction to this unwanted commentary on your beauty?

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