I just feel like I want to check out for a day and everyone to give me some F****** space!!!

[ZebraStripey]

I'm sorry to swear in the title - I do it very rarely but really is what I want to shout at everyone!! and I'm sorry I know some people are facing real problems, so please don't think I don't realise how lucky I am, I really do, just need to vent somewhere safe!
My life:

• I have a high profile job, in an industry hugely affected by Brexit, 5 members of my team have already received redundancy and the expectation is put up and shut up. So whilst worrying about my job (I am the main earner in our family) I am also being pressured into working 60 hours + a week in an extremely hostile environment. My manager is a bully, I do well at my job but constantly bullied into taking on more and doing more. If you say no the threats of job security are quickly applied.
  
• I have 2 young boys, they feel completely out of control at the moment. They never listen, seem to not care about consequences. I try to positive parent, but am exhausted! My youngest especially is constantly defiant at home and nursery, and extremely sensitive and high maintenance. He is almost 4 and has not slept through ever, we're up 4 or 5 times every night and I'm exhausted.
  
• We seem to be absolutely skint, we've worked hard to never have credit cards etc, but barely make ends meet each month. We are not extravagant but we can't seem to make income match outgoings. We both work hard (DH is self employed and this can be very on and off) but I'm not sure where else to strip back. All our core costs have gone up but our income hasn't.
  
• I have someone close to me getting married soon and I am
  

a bridesmaid - this appears to have come with the expectation that a) I will lose weight to 'fit in' with the other bridesmaids (this has been expressed very blatantly - I am a size 16) and b) that I'll spend a stupid amount of money on the hen do, dress, make up, hair etc. Whenever we're together I'm made to feel fat, useless and like I don't fit. Backing out will cause a huge uproar but I'm so tempted to tell them where to stick it.
I don't stop, if I'm not parenting I'm working and what for when we can barely keep heads above water. I am being a crap parent and a crap wife. DH does more than his share and is really supportive but I feel I am on the verge of breaking - I feel on the verge of tears all the time, I'm exhausted, my chest is constantly tight, even when ds2 is sleeping I can't sleep. I want to check out, I want to tell everyone to f* off and I want some space, just to stop and breathe would be a fine start!!

[ImperialBlether]

I'd tell the bride to fuck off for a start! That's ridiculous pressure and a huge expense you just can't afford.

Your work sounds awful, as though everyone is incredibly stressed.

[Pettywoman]

I was going to say I know how you feel but after reading your post I feel like a fraud. I've opened the wine.

[YoniFucker]

I know money is tight, but could you afford a night in a travelodge, alone, soon?

I feel this urge to 'check out' from time to time. Spending a little time on my own cures it.

[bigchris]

i'm guessing the bride is a sister but I'd still tell her to fuck off

[Pettywoman]

I challenge Mumsnet for creative excuses for fucking off the bride. Get out of the wedding thing if you can.

[WheresTheEvidence]

I'd you have any money I would invest in a sleep nanny someone who can sort out your sons sleep. With him sleeping through life would become more bearable

[sjd84]

can you try and manage the things that you don't need to do? I have a stressful job (although no way near as stressful as yours sounds), and I avoid doing things I don't have to do that cause me stress, e.g keeping weekends free to spend time with DH and DS. Also try and have a night away if you can.

[Youcantscaremeihavechildren]

That all sounds really hard, I'd definitely be telling someone to fuck off in those circumstances!
When you describe feeling like you never stop, tight chest etc, I totally get that. I feel like that with 2 children and a full time teaching job, I got to the point I was in tears most days and was getting really angry all the time. Mostly die to lack of sleep but also just feeling overwhelmed.
I've started online counselling through IESO, it's free on the NHS where I live, it's helping I think. I set goals, my goal this week is to go for a run and try getting some time to do some sewing. Basically time for myself, just a few mins a day or longer stuff once a week like a run. Just talking to someone who doesn't have their own agenda or woRees etc helps. Then also maybe get some advice from health visitors about your sons sleep? Although to be fair my daughter didn't sleep well until she started school and my son is the same way at 2. His sleep has got better but he still wakes early which is really hard but I'm just being kind to myself and going to bed early as many nights as I can.

[NaomiCole]

Hugs. X

[Allabitmuchisntit]

Telling the bride to fuck right off would make you feel better!!!!!! Fuck her AND her wedding. Cheeky cow!!!!

[NoFucksImAQueen]

I feel exactly the same. I don't have the same issues you do but I often feel like I'm drowning in adulthood. I look around, willing someone more adult to sort it all for me but I'm the adult now. I love the kids but I wish we'd waited longer before having them and enjoyed being young. (22 when I had ds1)
Life is very tedious and no matter how hard I try I never seem to catch up on everything that needs doing.
There is a mountain of washing and clutter in our room that I can't get around to putting away.
Iv redecorated, well the entire house and it's so near the end but Iv lost my motivation.
Dcs are 5,2 and 1 and they younger two especially are very challenging.
Oldest dc never stops talking and I'm rubbish at going over homework/reading etc.
Feel like I'm failing as a mum.
You're not alone op

[Crunchymum]

I think the first thing you have to do is sort out the bridesmaid / wedding situation.

I imagine its someone you really don't want to piss off? (Sibling?) But this nonsense can't go on.

If you could actually get out of everything bar the wedding, then do it.

Is your 4yo NT? Have you consulted anyone about his sleep?

Have you seen a gp yourself? The inability to sleep / chest tightness could be anxiety related.

[marthastew]

Can you rearrange your sleeping arrangements so that your d your DH take turns to be woken up in the night so that for now you at least get a turn at a full nights sleep?

I know what you mean about how overwhelming it all is but a proper nights sleep once in a while would be a good place to start.

Hugs and wine x

[ZebraStripey]

Thank you for the responses, a poster above said something about feeling angry all the time and that really hits the nail - I am cross all of the time and fly off the handle easily - I've never been this way before.
I have seen a GP who basically told me to slow life down and offered me some drugs to help me relax but I've been reluctant to take these so never collected prescription. Re sleep with son, we already take it in turns but he is very loud when he wakes up so we both wake, then whether I see to him or not I can't get back to sleep. I've spoken to the union about the work situation and have 'logged' eight incidences so far which they saw as serious breaches to my employment rights, but don't feel safe in the current climate to lodge a complaint - I genuinely don't feel I could take the stress! DH has been trying to persuade me to at least just go for a walk an hour a day as I love being outdoors- so this is mission one for the next week at least!

[ZebraStripey]

Sorry this all sounds very sorry for myself - normally I am very good at coping with these things! I normally thrive on a busy life! I need to give myself a good shake!

[GreenRut]

How old is your youngest, op? It might be time for some tough love? The rest of your life sounds stressful enough without that in top of it. I have a non sleeping 3 yo and both dh and I have full on 'senior' roles, alot of responsibility etc. What we did was basically do whatever our 3yo wanted overnight because we figured it's got to be worth it for what little extra sleep it gives us. But we couldn't carry on like that. We were both getting ill, constantly angry, snappy with all the children, in the end something gave and we put a stop to it. Sometimes you just need to put a stop to it. It was painful for about a month and now (touch wood) she's not perfect but she's alot closer to it than she was before!

Any chance you might think about sorting that side of things out? Just being able to go to bed and 'know' you are going to get a sleep through makes everything a bit more bearable, ime.

[ZebraStripey]

Green my youngest is almost 4... he starts school in September. How can I ask did you put a stop to it? Be interested in some ideas!

[Emeralda]

You're definitely not alone.
Have you been back to the GP and said you didn't want to take the medication? The GP may assume you're taking them and feeling better, otherwise. See what else is on offer.
Does your employer have an employee assistance programme? They are confidential and might be able to get you counselling, practical information or advice about work or a chat with a health professional about DS' s sleep.
They can help in different ways at different times, and work won't know you've been in touch with them.
When are you next due time off work? Have you got some annual leave that you could use to work shorter weeks for a short period, to allow you to re-charge your batteries. I have taken the odd day off while DS is at nursery and it's great. Could you afford to take parental leave (unpaid) to stretch your holiday allowance more?
I'm assuming you want practical tips but you also have tea, wine and sympathy from here.
How soon is the wedding and how prepared are you to piss the bride off? If you don't want to cause conflict, at least you know it will be over on a specific date. Wedding stress can't last forever.
Please don't shake yourself. You might spill the wine (or other beverage of your choice, alcoholic or non- alcoholic).

[Hissy]

I agree, bin off the wedding for a start

Bugger the consequences! They're being rude and you can really do without them making you feel bad about yourself.

You're doing an amazing job, seriously, get rid of the stresses you can, focus on what really is important

[Sunshinesuperman]

This sounds really hard. I agree with the others, ditch the bridesmaid thing, you really don't need this stress in your life at present.
Maybe go back to GP, think about why you didn't take the medication you were offered and what might work for you. Maybe different medication maybe a talking therapy?
It's really hard to have any energy without sleep. Most parents I know fall into one of two different categories for managing persistent non-sleepers. I have seen both approaches working for different people. Approach one is co-sleeping, often with the adults split up. The second is the minimal engagement often also with rewards. Approach two is what I used and at times need to revisit but it isn't easy in the short term as dc build up habits. But as I said I have seen others use co-sleeping successfully.
Don't underestimate the impact of stress at work on the rest of life.

[Kittencatkins123]

Forget about the wedding. Just explain you have mad stress at work, no money, Brexit etc, you can't give it your all but you will be there for the wedding with bells on. They are being utter dicks about the weight loss, all the hen stuff is expensive and annoying and absolute worse case scenario they throw a strop and uninvite you - you can spend the day getting pampered at a spa and still be up on money!

Can your DH get more/other work? It will help having less pressure on your income.
Workwise - can you speak to HR? Are you part of a union? What are the chances of finding a job elsewhere? Can you be there but have time outs/have little breaks where you do low level admin to give your brain a rest from the pressure?

Really feel for you

[ZebraStripey]

Nice moment today, when I bumped into an old and much loved colleague and some of their first words were 'Jesus you look awful, I've never seen you so close to burn out!'

[Kittencatkins123]

GET OUT OF WEDDING - PRIORITY ONE!

[Crickeycrumbsblimey]

What a charmer you work with!

Are you feeling any better today op?

[Emeralda]

Oh dear, can we hope it was meant supportively? A friend of mine said I looked bedraggled lately. She meant it nicely.
Have you managed to get out for a walk yet? I know it's only Tuesday.