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Don't want collegue holding baby

(70 Posts)
CabbagePatchKid91 Sun 14-May-17 14:58:30

DD is just over three weeks old. I want to take her into work to show her off and let my class see her (NOT TOUCH). I don't mind other adults holding her at all. BUT my the lady who was my teaching assistant is a big time smoker. My dad also smokes and I have no issue with it in general. But my dad changes clothes before holding DD if he has had a cigarette. I know my former TA will say something about cuddling the baby and I feel anxious about this. I have no issue with any of my other friends at work holding her as none of them smoke but feel it would be mean if I let some hold her and not one person. Any advice on what I can say to my former TA would be appreciated.

Name15 Sun 14-May-17 15:01:18

Don't let anyone hold her then

jmh740 Sun 14-May-17 15:01:26

What time are you planning on going in? Surely if she is working unless you go in first thing in the morning it will be a long time since she last had a cigarette?

Cinnamus Sun 14-May-17 15:03:36

It's just for a few minutes. I would let her hold your baby and try not to worry too much. Think you've got new baby anxiety. I was like this too regarding perfume, make up and jewellery. It'll be fine wink

JaxingJump Sun 14-May-17 15:05:16

Could you possibly just deal with your anxiety? I think a few minutes held by a smoker is probably no different than standing waiting for a bus and being exposed to pollution. It is possible to be a bit OTT on these things. You won't come out looking good I think if you refuse to let her hold the baby, however politely.

Applesandpears23 Sun 14-May-17 15:08:35

Do you have a sling? Wear her strapped to you and don't offer to get her out.

CabbagePatchKid91 Sun 14-May-17 15:09:07

Thank you. I know I will look horrible sad. I'm just really worried about SID and with her being PFB do everything by the book blush

bigchris Sun 14-May-17 15:10:24

I wouldn't go if until you feel more up to it

If it's already causing you anxiety save yourself the stress

justkeepswimmingg Sun 14-May-17 15:17:48

Just say no, OP. I know it sounds harsh, but she's your baby. If you don't feel comfortable with a smoker holding her, then YANBU. If she asks you 'why not', you could even tell her the truth, she might even understand. I don't like siting next to heavy smokers, so I wouldn't force my baby to just to be polite. After I had DS I went to my work to show him off, and all my colleague friends held him. Except one. She asked, and I said no. I didn't feel comfortable with her holding him for various reasons (that's a whole other thread!).

TheGentleMoose Sun 14-May-17 15:19:12

Do you walk outside with your newborn? Do you walk around in a big city? Even if it's not a big city, at some point someone will stand near your baby whilst smoking; probably someone will walk past you whilst smoking.

As much as I despise smoking I wouldn't deny a quick hold to a colleague who smoked if they asked when they hadn't smoked in hours - your baby will already be breathing in pollution from traffic, as well as pollution from inside your own home [mainly from cooking].

Your colleague may not want to even hold the baby.

Cheby Sun 14-May-17 15:19:43

Put baby in sling and don't take her out. Just say she'll be back for cuddles in a few weeks when she's a bit older. It's horrible handing your newborn over to a smoker. I got taken to visit MIL's friends when DD1 was 6 weeks. They don't smoke in the house, the house is spotless and they are lovely people, but the wife smoked 40-60 a day (outside). We were in their house and there was no way I could avoid handing DD1 over without looking spectacularly rude, so I did.

She handed her back after just 5 mins, absolutely reeking of a disgusting mix of fags and strong perfume (which she used to cover the smoke smell). Absolutely awful. I bathed her and washed her clothes as soon as we got home.

elevenclips Sun 14-May-17 15:19:58

Don't go in at this stage.
Wait till she's a bit bigger and stronger, maybe 2-3 months.
Then you might feel better about it.

ITooHaveBeenThere Sun 14-May-17 15:20:02

Give it a few more weeks then and then take her in.

Really, your child is not going to die of SIDS because a colleague who smokes held her for a minute or two.

People will want to hold her, and pass her around, and they might not wash their hands before doing so after being in their own class with the children... Someone might have a cold or not have washed their hands properly after going to the toilet, or had honey on toast for their lunch or any one of the million and one other things you could worry about.

My nurse friend used to tell me that "a speck of dirt doesn't hurt". The lesson being that children needs challenges to their immune system to help it develop. Now maybe not at 3 weeks old, but if that is how you feel, then don't take your 3 week old baby into school.

Bear in mind that the supply teacher you don't know who is covering your class on maternity leave might also want a cuddle...

coconutpie Sun 14-May-17 15:20:13

I would not allow a smoker to cuddle my newborn. YANBU. Your baby, your rules. Just say to her no, you don't want to pass her around. A good idea would be to invest in a sling!

BuzzKillington Sun 14-May-17 15:20:15

I'd just say, 'sorry but I'd rather if you didn't hold her because you smoke'.

As a smoker, she's bound to be aware of the guidelines and risks.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius Sun 14-May-17 15:20:48

Does the TA usually smell of cigarette smoke? If she does, I can understand your reluctance - though as pps have said, it is highly unlikely to cause any lasting damage, if she holds the baby for a few minutes. If she doesn't smell noticeably of cigarette smoke, there should me minimal risk to her holding the baby.

I would hope that a TA would not smell heavily of cigarette smoke at work - I would be pretty judgemental, if they did.

AnnieAnoniMouse Sun 14-May-17 15:21:27

Can you contact her before you go in? If you can just mention you are really worried about it & if she would like a cuddle could she not smoke for x long beforehand or bring in a top she can put over her clothes - or whatever will make you happy.

However, if you can't get hold of her beforehand, you can just say 'Sorry Jane, but we are very worried about SIDS & being held by a smoker is too risky in our minds'. Who cares if she thinks you're OTT or rude <shrug>

missymayhemsmum Sun 14-May-17 15:23:16

Does your TA smell strongly of smoke when she's working with the kids? If she does that's an issue for the school, surely, if not, are you being a bit pfb?

Probably more risk passing her round a germy lot of school staff and letting all the kids breath over her, to be honest. I'd keep her in a sling/ carrycot to show her off and avoid passing her round because of colds and coughs. Then you are keeping her safe and not singling out the smoker.

NotHotDogMum Sun 14-May-17 15:24:58

I think you're being a bit over anxious, perhaps you aren't ready yet.

LaLegue Sun 14-May-17 15:25:07

I think if you are feeling that over-anxious then it's too soon to take her into school. Leave it a few more weeks. As much as I hate smoking, honestly, a two minute cuddle (assuming she hasn't just had a fag right before) is not going to harm your baby AT ALL.

Trifleorbust Sun 14-May-17 15:25:40

I didn't take my DD to work until she was 10 weeks because of the risk of germs. I'm not that bothered about a smoker holding her for 30 seconds, however.

GabsAlot Sun 14-May-17 15:26:06

sorry to be thick whats the difference betwen poulltion outdoors and someeone who smokes (not smoking) holding a baby

is there r4eally a link to sids if no smoke is actually around the baby

Changingagain Sun 14-May-17 15:27:02

I totally understand this as FIL was a big smoker when DS was born and always stank.
One of my colleagues when they've brought their newborns in has always just brought them in the car seat asleep so nobody expected a cuddle. An alternative, as a PP said, is to use a sling.
TBH, I'd probably worry about infections in a school at that age too but then I am a worrier and I'm aware most people would consider that to be precious.

Piratesandpants Sun 14-May-17 15:27:13

So you're a teacher and it's OK for other children to be exposed to her smoke residue all day but not for your child for s few minutes? Harsh but true op. Nice. Perhaps think about this...

AliceByTheMoon Sun 14-May-17 15:27:17

I just would not take your baby in until older. She's only 3 weeks, it's not the law you have to show her off to anyone.

Just leave it and don't pressure yourself!!

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