When I had been single for a few years interspersed by dating a few shitty men I paid to have a dating coach (yes, these exist and she was brilliant).
We talked about red flags and maintaining boundaries and she got me to do a really simple exercise which helped me so much.
I thought it might be helpful to some others...it's best to complete this while single if possible so it's not influenced by any particular person you're with and their bullshit justifications for their crappy behaviour circumstances.
Take two sheets of A4....one gets titled 'dealbreakers' and the other 'three strikes'.
On dealbreakers you write down those things that a man (or woman if bi/gay/male) could do or be which you would consider an absolute dealbreaker. No second chances. If they did this/were this, you'd be done immediately.
For me this was things like cheating of any kind (including kiss), not wanting to be married, any kind of physically abusive behaviour including raising a hand even if they didn't follow through, etc.
On the 'three strikes' page you list things that you would really not want in a relationship but they are not immediate dealbreakers.
With these the first time they do them it is your responsibility to communicate clearly but calmly how you feel about it. If they do it a second time it is your responsibility to remind them clearly but calmly that you had told them how you feel about it and that if it continued it would be a dealbreaker for you. If they do it again (third strike) you get rid.
It really, really helped me to be clear in my own head as to what I found acceptable or not and how I would deal with it in a relationship....
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To tell you what I learned about maintaining boundaries with men?
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stumblymonkeyreturns · 14/05/2017 10:12
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