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Nothing for mothers day

(107 Posts)
Hapaxlegomenon Sun 14-May-17 08:27:29

I was really looking forward to my first mothers day (im not in the uk) and I'm so disappointed. We have a newborn. I didn't want my husband to forget because it's not the sort of thing he'd be tuned in to, so my mum told him it would be mothers day last week. I woke up this morning and he didn't even say happy mothers day to me (he knew it was mothers day as we had a gift for my mother). We had a lovely day doing normal weekend things and I was trying to feel grateful but I was feeling really down. In the afternoon I lightheartedly asked when he was going to say happy mothers day to me, and he said it hasn't occurred to him because I'm not his mother. I'm trying to feel good about today but I'm feeling teary. Aibu?! Please tell me if I need to get a grip! Or alternatively cheer me up!

putdownyourphone Sun 14-May-17 08:29:59

You are going to be told you are BU but I'm with you. That sucks. It was my first Mother's Day this year - my DP got his own mother a card from our twins, but not me. He then went to the pub, came back sick and gave me noro virus. I was sick for a week.

Biker47 Sun 14-May-17 08:30:18

You're not his mother.

ShowOfHands Sun 14-May-17 08:31:25

Oh dear. I don't expect anything from my dh as I'm not his mother. This is normal in many families and clearly, your husband feels the same way. He is not unthinking or cruel. Just different.

It's okay to be honest with him and explain your different approaches to the day. His reaction to your being hurt will be more telling.

Congratulations on your baby.

DJBaggySmalls Sun 14-May-17 08:32:45

Thats right, she isnt his mother, but tradition states its the other partners job to make sure you receive a card from the kids on Mothers/Fathers Day.
Its just one of those nice things partners do for each other. Its supposed to give us warm fuzzies, not a pain in the arse.

MuseumGardens Sun 14-May-17 08:33:02

Yanbu. Partners should arrange something on behalf of small children. A card and breakfast in bed would be something.

nancy75 Sun 14-May-17 08:33:03

It doesn't matter that op is not his mother. The baby is too little to buy a card so the dad should do it, just like millions of women do on Father's Day. Buying a card for a person you have had a child with is not a difficult thing to do, it doesn't cost lots of money and there is no reason not to do it.
Op happy Mother's Day flowers

Biker47 Sun 14-May-17 08:33:14

Saying something or doing something on behalf of someone who is unable to recognise the reasons why yet, doesn't sit with me, I'm on the don't bother side. I don't want a father days card, present or message from my partner, I'd rather just wait until the child can understand why; themselves, and that they want to do it for the right reasons.

WeeWillyWinkieFromEccles Sun 14-May-17 08:33:30

You may not be his mother but you are your baby's mother. Did he do anything for his own mother?

My daughter is five now so is mush more aware of special days of the year and tells my husband what she wants to get me for Mothers Day, but he always got me a card and a gift when she was tiny, just like I did for him for Father's Day.

I'd be upset too.

OverOn Sun 14-May-17 08:33:52

It's ok to feel upset about this. Talk to him and tell him you'd appreciate marking Mother's Day, now than you are the mother of his child. Can he be responsible for helping make Mother's Day special and you will do the same for Father's Day

luckylucky24 Sun 14-May-17 08:34:45

The whole "he isn't your mother" crap really frustrates me. No she isn't his mother but she is the mother of their newborn who is currently unable to show gratitude themselves. The decent (and normal everywhere apart from MN) thing to do is to buy a card on their behalf to show some appreciation.

Radishal Sun 14-May-17 08:34:57

Assume you are in the US?
Agree that rather than nursing a grievance you should tell him how you feel.
Congrats on your newborn and, of course , happy Mothers ' Dayflowers

Oysterbabe Sun 14-May-17 08:35:03

YANBU. He should have got you a card from the baby. You're not his mother but it would have been nice and thoughtful of him to acknowledge that for the first time you are a mother on mother's day.

HonniBee Sun 14-May-17 08:35:33

You are not being U at all!

Although I would consider being more direct with your DH? Why not just tell him yourself what your expectations are? It was my first Mother's Day this year too, and I told my DH in advance that I'd like tea in bed and a card. He actually went a little overboard with presents and flowers, but at least I knew there would be no disappointment!

MrsPringles Sun 14-May-17 08:35:36

YANBU and I'm sorry he forgot. He is the father of your child who is clearly too little to arrange anything themselves so he should have plugged his brain in and organised something.

On my first Mother's Day, I got taken to the rubbish dump so that was err, nice confused

MuseumGardens Sun 14-May-17 08:36:43

If he couldn't be arsed to get to the shops he could have folded over a sheet of A4, put paint on your baby's hand and done a hand print on a card and written "I love my mummy." Then brought you tea and toast on bed." Very little effort but made you feel nice.

Trb17 Sun 14-May-17 08:36:54

It's thoughtless. You're not his mother but he knows the days means something and that it's your first. Your DC is too young to do it so your DH should have acknowledged the day. He sounds very selfish to me. People who love us do nice things just to see us smile, even when you're 'not his mother'.

Scentofwater Sun 14-May-17 08:37:06

Well in that case he doesn't deserve any congratulations or anything on his birthday... after all it not your birthday so why would you?!

Yanbu, my DH was similar when we met but I explained how much these little gestures mean to me, and now as long as I remind him it is coming up he does make the effort. It's often something unusual as he hates flowers/chocolate/cards but he still does something.

It's all part of the give and take balance of relationships. I'm sure there are other things you do for him regularly that you wouldn't bother with on your own.

OffRoader Sun 14-May-17 08:38:36

His argument fell apart when he got his own mother a card from YOUR children. She's not their mother either, so why do it?

Because it's a nice thing to do and it made her feel good, he's obviously not fussed with doing the same for you.

allegretto Sun 14-May-17 08:38:37

Happy Mother's Day! It is mother's day where I live too and I haven't had anything - but it's not my first one so I am used to it!

topcat2014 Sun 14-May-17 08:41:44

I panicked when I thought this thread, and thought I too had dropped a bollock..(ie UK)

Relieved that I haven't - oh, and I agree that the OP's DH should bloody well have done something.

DNiece arrived v.early (last Dec), and the whole extended family went to town on DSis first mother's day as we were all so relieved.

CleverNever Sun 14-May-17 08:41:47

YANBU to be disappointed. It's mother's day where I am and my dh organised stuff with my almost 7 year old and toddler as obviously they can't make breakfast, buy a gift, plan the day etc themselves yet, although my 7 year old did chose the gift and write the card. It would be unreasonable for my husband to ignore mother's day until they were able to independently sort out a special day. BUT I do think many new dads need to be explicitly told that they need to arrange mother's day stuff on behalf of their child until the child is able to do it themselves. And they need to know it's important to you as in some families mother's day just isn't a big deal at all. It just isn't obvious to some men and in my experience you have to be really clear about your expectations/hopes for these occasions. In my family growing up my mum got a card and breakfast in bed so I basically made clear to dh from when I was pregnant that that was my minimum expectation for the day! I did kind of spell it out for him.

LedaP Sun 14-May-17 08:44:11

but tradition states its the other partners job to make sure you receive a card from the kids on Mothers/Fathers Day.

Where does is state that?

Everyone is different. Tradition does not state you must do Mothers day a certain way. It doesnt sound like he was unfeeling he just has a different view.

Make sure he knows how you feel.

Jupitar Sun 14-May-17 08:45:23

Saying something or doing something on behalf of someone who is unable to recognise the reasons why yet, doesn't sit with me, I'm on the don't bother side. I don't want a father days card, present or message from my partner, I'd rather just wait until the child can understand why; themselves, and that they want to do it for the right reasons.
You'll probably have a long wait then as children rarely buy Mothers or Father's Day cards without any prompting from a parent.

OP don't do anything for Father's Day, not out of spite but just to make him realise

Neolara Sun 14-May-17 08:46:54

I think you're completely overreacting. I see Mothers day as basically a commercial marketing opportunity to get people to buy more stuff.

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