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to not go to them as usual?!

(9 Posts)
iamdivergent Sun 14-May-17 07:34:37

I live in a town about 70miles away from my family, we live near DH family and have lived here for almost 13yrs.

In this time we have had to do almost all of the visiting, bar when babies have been born then people came here. I'm getting to the stage where I am really resenting it, pulling dcs out of activities to go and visit...we spend pretty much a whole day going between 4 houses, all because they won't come to us and they don't get on so 4 is the minimum of houses to visit

So with dc3 birthday coming up, we would normally go up a week or two prior to visit, collect gifts (FWIW it's usually a card with money so could be posted/paid into dcs bank). This time DH is working both weekends prior plus away on a stag do the weekend after dcs birthday so would mean either 2 trains or 2 buses each way for me and the dcs.

So AIBU to not go but invite them to come here?! My DM and DGM could travel together in one car and could come at the weekend as neither works. My DF and DGPs could come on a weekday that my DF has off work - and I'd be more than happy to host them.

hesterton Sun 14-May-17 07:37:10

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EllaHen Sun 14-May-17 07:45:03

Yes, invite them to you.

We rarely visit now that the kids are in school. Weekends are for relaxing.

iamdivergent Sun 14-May-17 07:49:50

Thanks. I do feel guilty but it's never ending with kids activities/parties etc and it's so stressful going to visit just with all the stops and not getting to spend as much time as I'd like.

I'll contact them today smile

Optimist1 Sun 14-May-17 07:50:42

So all four lots of your family are unwilling to make the journey to yours? Do they give any reason?

On the assumption that their reasons are down to their laziness, I'd do some forward planning and extend invitations to them all for specified future (separate) dates. To avoid any one-upmanship between them I'd issue these invitations all on the same day. Those who come could then be encouraged to alternate visits with you. The others might have a change of heart when they hear that you're spending more time with the family members who are willing to make the effort!

iamdivergent Sun 14-May-17 08:51:29

Pretty much, though my dad does work and they've got used to me doing all of the visiting.

Only my sister visits me, we also meet in the middle sometimes too. In the past year I've been to them 4 times and they've been here once and that's only because dc3 was born - before that it had been 3+ years since my dad/his parents visited me.

It's my mum, my gran, my dad/dads gf and my grandparents that I visit separately

Sexstarvedredhead Sun 14-May-17 08:59:54

If they don't get on i am guessing that's why they wont visit at the same time. But that's pretty pathetic if they can't suck it up. Stop pandering. Don't visit, if you're offering to host and they're always ducking out ot's very rude.

Creampastry Sun 14-May-17 09:16:49

They come to you or you don't see them this time. You need to break the habit and stop your kids missing out on activities to cater for their whims.

iamdivergent Sun 14-May-17 11:51:05


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