Good luck OP. Everything will be great.
your red flags sent a shiver down my spine because they're similar to mine.
- always controlling what is on telly
- hours spent online on the internet - not gaming or porn, just an internet addiction that was more important than any of us
Today for the first time I had a click moment about what it was, that was present even in his very early behaviour when he was quite into me and in many ways being very nice. From very early on, he viewed me more as a resource than as a person. He had an idea about what role a woman would play in his life that was essentially to make his life better. He was asking me to do small things for him from very early days. Not outrageous things. But I look back now and realise he never asks his friends for favours - or offers them. He isn't a guy who is always fixing someone's bike / asking someone to help him in the garden. He is very self contained EXCEPT when he gets a woman, and then from day 1, he is asking her to do stuff for him.
I didn't notice because back then I had a lot of friends who did favours for each other. only gradually I got isolated and realised this wasn't the same thing at all.
He flips when I ask him to do things. One night soon after we moved into this house there were a million things to do. After unpacking boxes and doing stuff all day, in the evening I started hemming curtains so we could put some up at the front and get some privacy. after dinner (cooked by me) I started sewing and didn't stop for hours. I asked for a drink and he was furious and flounced off in a rage. he hadn't done anything like the amount of work I had done on the house and while I was still working at 10pm he couldn't bear to get me a drink and thought I was well out of order to ask for one.
It's subtle when someone treats you as a resource. Sometimes they are asking for a small thing that isn't at all in itself unacceptable. But it's the bigger picture that shows you who they ask of what, and what it means about him, that, for instance, he will ask very easily for coffee and never make one for you.
That's my main one.