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To find this 'friend' odd?

(59 Posts)
cailyaclara Sat 13-May-17 22:05:33

Ok. So I recently made friends with another mum and all seemed to going well.

She seemed rather lonely and was having issues with her other half. We got on we'll and did quite a few play dates.

But all of a sudden one day she just stopped talking to me. Apparently I had discussed things with her husband at the school gate and she didn't want us talking...

Thing is. I've never spoken to her husband. EVER! I've seen him once at a school Science day thing, and that's it. Not too sure how I'd converse with him, considering that he works away from home most of the time and never does any school runs.

I'm totally bewildered by this, to be honest! She was incredibly rude to me in the middle of the school playground and I'm now starting to think that the reason that she seemed lonely is because she's batshit crazy and others are giving her a wide berth!

Is she living in some freak alternative universe?

Pettywoman Sat 13-May-17 22:09:33

You've had a lucky escape.

HildaOg Sun 14-May-17 01:00:10

Either her husband is telling her that you were talking to him about her and giving her hell over it...

Or she's just batshit crazy. I know one individual who convinces herself that what happens and conversations she has in her head are real and will then behave as if her fantasies happened. So if she daydreamed that you were very sick, then you were very sick....

BillSykesDog Sun 14-May-17 01:02:50

So quite clearly her husband has made something up because he doesn't want her having friends.

I don't think you can do anything except keeping the door open if she wishes up one day.

Ravenblack Sun 14-May-17 01:06:50

What are you meant to have said to her husband??? confused

chastenedButStillSmiling Sun 14-May-17 01:26:22

she could be batshit, but this suggest domestic abuse to me.... her partner alienating her.

If you're a good friend, make sure she's got your mobile number and tell her you're always available to listen if she wants to talk

MistySparrow Sun 14-May-17 01:32:42

By 'batshit crazy' do you mean she has mental health issues or possible domestic issues? hmm

reuset Sun 14-May-17 01:34:07

I was wondering the same, Misty.

Ginkypig Sun 14-May-17 02:09:39


she's in a tough situation (possibly an abusive situation)
Someone else has said something and she's has wrongly thought it was you
She's a total drama feeder and your better off out of it.

You could end up getting burnt but if it were me I'd probably try again with her incase it's the first one

CoolioAndTheGang Sun 14-May-17 02:19:06

Is the man you spoke with at getting school definitely her husband? Could be a case of mistaken identity.

whattheactualfudge Sun 14-May-17 02:44:31

Daft question, but have you actually told her that you haven't spoken to him??? X

Whereismumhiding2 Sun 14-May-17 02:45:51

It's not rocket science, ask her!!
She's your new friend, so ask her what you did wrong. Correct her if she has written info.

If she is an abused woman, she might tell you that he's made up a whole load of shite, that you can correct. And let her work it out. I'd go that extra mile in her instance if DC is the case, as DV is so hard to protect against, survivors are super careful.

As DV survivor, I know my XH told me crazy stories to isolate me from any support, most weren't true, some were ..

For mine and DC sake, I took the stance of, if you want to be friends with a proven DV abusive man (i.e. if you say "yeah I don't don't want to get involved") then you are part of a society problem and not a friend & I'm hugely dissapeared with your perpetuation of the problem

Abused women (& men though rater) have to protect themselves from idiots who try to minimise abuse.

So, if you didn't know who you were talking to or hadn't done it, tell her. Take a side politely but clearly. Say hello but don't engage with an abusive partner, please. And tell your friend that is your stance til you are told differently.

Whereismumhiding2 Sun 14-May-17 02:47:19

If it's not domestic abuse and just normal parental arguments, on separating, then no, YANBU.

Maybe just ask ?

Whereismumhiding2 Sun 14-May-17 02:50:16

Doh , not written info, I meant wring info!

highinthesky Sun 14-May-17 02:59:19

Leave it.

Take the high road and let her come back to you with an apology when she realises that she was wrong.

Plunkette Sun 14-May-17 03:00:53

Something certainly sounds amiss somewhere.

I think I'd try to correct the misunderstanding and find out why she was so upset. Talking to your friend's husband at the school gate is pretty normal.

I'd see if I could balance between not burning any bridges in case of domestic abuse and not being a doormat in case she is in fact just weird.

TestingTestingWonTooFree Sun 14-May-17 04:36:31

Is she still with the husband? How do you know this is why she's pissed off?

Jengnr Sun 14-May-17 04:46:32

I think I'd put her straight. Send a text 'I don't know what that was all about but I've never so much as spoken to X and I don't appreciate you having a go at me like that. If you want to talk about it you know where I am.'

Summat like that, tells her the truth, leaves the door open if she wants to talk but doesn't let her off for behaving badly towards you.

Whereismumhiding2 Sun 14-May-17 04:47:11

*wrong info
Not * written info

Squishedstrawberry4 Sun 14-May-17 05:32:45

I wonder if her husband got your identity mixed up or is lying to her to wind her up.

I'd text her and say that you don't understand why she had a go at you in the playground. You have only ever chatted to her DH once and it was about x.

rightwhine Sun 14-May-17 05:45:12

Ask her why she thinks her DH has made this up as you've never spoken to him. Ask her whether it could be mistaken identity or whether he could be making it up because he doesn't like her being friends with you.
It may plant a seed in her head, especially if it's happened before.

highinthesky Sun 14-May-17 07:44:56

or whether he could be making it up because he doesn't like her being friends with you.

Disparaging her husband in this way will do the OP no favours. Misunderstandings can happen, but this insinuates the husband is a liar.

emmyrose2000 Sun 14-May-17 08:05:17

How did you find out about this supposed conversation with her husband? If it was from her, then I'd send her a message telling her she was totally incorrect.

Zaphodsotherhead Sun 14-May-17 08:11:20

Surely though, if he works away and never does the school pick up, she already knows he hasn't really spoken to you, OP? Unless she's forgotten that she picks the kids up liiterally every single day?

When is this meant to have happened?

roundaboutthetown Sun 14-May-17 08:22:21

Seems like an odd friendship if you are incapable of asking her what the hell she's talking about? Are you sure the man you think is her husband actually is her husband? wink

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