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AIBU Not Letting 6 Year Old Go on a Playdate on his own

(124 Posts)
Blueflowers2011 Sat 13-May-17 21:26:57

Argument tonight between me and DH.

A mum keeps asking to take DS1 (6) to hers after school to play with her DS, they are both good friends. She has asked about 4 times now and says it's good for their independence.

I am sure it is. But I only know her and her OH through pick ups and some social things from school. They are nice enough people.

But I am still reluctant, myself or DH usually go with him. DH is off on the days she is asking to take DS1 which I find a bit odd - DH is happy to let him go however.

Of course I want my children to grow up independently, but feel it's still early and I don't really know them that well outside of the school run and the odd coffee.

AIBU here?

toobreathless Sat 13-May-17 21:29:36

I think it's entirely up to you and your comfort zones, if you aren't happy then that's fine. The other mum sounds a bit pushy, who is she to comment on what is best for your DS?

saying that I would be happy with my kids going.

TheWhiteRoseOfYork Sat 13-May-17 21:30:10

Mine went to tea straight from school in reception. I did not especially know the mums. I think it is normal to let them go on their own.

Floggingmolly Sat 13-May-17 21:30:13

Why do you think it's a bit odd? It isn't, really.
Why not just invite the other boy round to yours if you don't want your ds to go without you? I really wouldn't expect a 6 year old's parent to stay on a play date; not after the first time anyway.

Applesandpears23 Sat 13-May-17 21:30:15

Nope, your kid your rules. What about inviting the other child to come to yours instead?

fannydaggerz Sat 13-May-17 21:30:19

Can you go to soft play together for the first play date so you can see how they get on?

My son has been on play dates after school and even when he was at nursery. I was at 90% of them but some mum collected him from school/nursery.

Spottybasket Sat 13-May-17 21:31:35

My son started to go on playmates from y1 so age 5/6. I've never gone with him. Its certainly not the norm at my son's school. We have also had other children for play dates without their parents. I only know any of the parents from the school run.

Gallavich Sat 13-May-17 21:31:57

After school play is pretty normal at that age and you can't expect to know every school parent well. I think you're being over cautious to be honest.

Floggingmolly Sat 13-May-17 21:32:06

Well, absolutely her rules Apples, but op was implying it's an odd thing for the other mother to do and it isn't.

Gallavich Sat 13-May-17 21:32:52

What about inviting the other child to come to yours instead?

Surely the OP wouldn't ask any child over if she didn't know the parents well either? Otherwise that's a bit hypocritical

NeverEvenHeardOfAgentZigzag Sat 13-May-17 21:33:49

Does your DS want to go?

I would say six is a goodish time for them to start playing round at their friends for a while on their own.

Maybe your DH could stay for a few mins when he drops him off to make sure they're not axe wielding psychos your DS is OK before leaving.

If you leave your number they can call if anything's amiss.

It's difficult though when they start going off on their own, but at least you know the people generally and they seem alright, that's a good start.

WellErrr Sat 13-May-17 21:33:51

Yes you're being a bit overprotective, unless there's a massive backstory.

My 4 year old goes on play dates alone and has done since he was 3.

HildaOg Sat 13-May-17 21:34:06

I'm the same. If I don't know and trust someone then they're not going to be trusted with my child. If you don't know her well enough to know if she has dogs, what kind of a dog owner, what kind of parenting, is there a pond, does she properly supervise, who else would be in the house... Then you don't know her well enough to hand your child over.

There's only one mother in my kids school that I'd be comfortable handing my child over to. I'd wonder about anyone who tried to pressure me and trust them less.

Februaryjones Sat 13-May-17 21:34:49

Yanbu. I wouldn't let DD6 go to a house alone unless I knew the parents well. In her friendship group none of them go on play dates alone

witsender Sat 13-May-17 21:35:26

I only would if I knew the family well.

Tottyandmarchpane1 Sat 13-May-17 21:35:59

I sort of get where you are coming from but it's been the normal thing in both the schools mine have attended to just go straight from school with the parent. I wouldn't expect to go with them. I usually text and check all is ok and then pop for a cuppa later on in the play date. If I'm completely honest I'd have put up with parents coming with DD1 but with DD2 and DS1 I just wouldn't have had the time let alone to do a mutual one at soft play. Really happy for you to join later on for a cuppa though. Age 6 I def would not expect you to attend. It may be to do with comfort levels but you won't get to know them properly after one or even a few meetings and they will call you if your DS is unhappy. I'd let him go.

StillDrivingMeBonkers Sat 13-May-17 21:36:47

Is this a new thing, accompanying children to 'play dates' ?

Enidblyton1 Sat 13-May-17 21:36:52

You are definitely being over cautious. Is there something about this family that worries you?

SewMuchToLearn Sat 13-May-17 21:37:04

Yes. And no.
My DD (5) has been to the house of someone who I know only from sporadic chatting at the school gate. Her eldest was in DS's class, but not friends and her middle child is with DD. Her DD has been to us twice and I don't think DD would have wanted to go first if she hadn't seen her friend come to us.

DS unintentionally went when he was 5. Parent called and invited DS over. I got DD ready and we went to their house as it would never have occurred to me not to accompany. She opened the door and said "Great, I need someone to occupy my son whilst I'm giving a lesson. Come back in 45 mins and we'll have a coffee!" and shut the door in my face.

Maybe she feels a bit weird inviting your DH over! I'd say if your DS wants to go, make sure you have contact details and give it a go.

BigGrannyPants Sat 13-May-17 21:38:36

My oldest is 6 and often goes to other houses to play without me, I pick him up after. But really it's up to you and DH, everyone is different, you shouldn't feel pushed in to anything you're uncomfortable with by someone else's parent

Cleanermaidcook Sat 13-May-17 21:40:01

I don't think it's odd.
My kids have been going for tea to friends straight from school since reception. It's normal here not odd, i have their friends round too, pick them up from school, the mum usually collects 6-6.30pmish. In fact ds is going on monday on one, I've seen the mum at school but don't know her well. I asked for her address, arranged a pick up time, no problem.
Up to you obviously but i personally don't see the problem x

witsender Sat 13-May-17 21:41:35

I don't routinely let my children go off with strange people, this is no different. In my circle people tend to invite families. Mums or dad's chat, kids play.

Tottyandmarchpane1 Sat 13-May-17 21:43:52

I also think you might find that your DS just doesn't get invited anywhere that much. I'm really happy to have a cuppa at the end of the playdate but I'd really rather not have to entertain the parent as well for 2 hours. I think kids are better behaved and more likely to just get on with it when their parents are not around too.

paxillin Sat 13-May-17 21:44:23

We had playdates without a parent present from reception. Does your ds want to go? I'd let him.

jellyandsoup Sat 13-May-17 21:47:56

I would be fine with this. My children have both been and we have had friends round for tea from reception. How well are you hoping to know the parents before you allow him to go? Does he want to go?

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