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Aibu pregnancy and sex

(19 Posts)
purpletea Sat 13-May-17 20:31:53

I have name changed for this as I am identifiable on another thread.

I am currently 12 weeks pregnant and have a dc (if that's relevant).

I have felt nauseous for the whole time and have been physically sick daily. It is only in the last couple of days or so that I have not felt as bad/not been gagging or being sick.

This is the third weekend me and my oh have had a fall out because I haven't had sex with him since I became pregnant. It feels like he is trying to bully me into by being horrible to me.

I know I should LTB but I'm not really in a stable position to so I feel really trapped.

So Aibu to think that he should be more supportive and understanding and that he should be more considerate of how I feel and not put his needs first.

c3pu Sat 13-May-17 20:48:56

So Aibu to think that he should be more supportive and understanding and that he should be more considerate of how I feel and not put his needs first.

Sounds like you want him to be something he's not.


Writerwannabe83 Sat 13-May-17 21:10:58

I'm 25 weeks pregnant and me and DH haven't had sex since I was about 8 weeks gone because of how shit I feel.

When I was pregnant with DS (he's now 3) we had sex once in the whole duration of my pregnancy.

My DH never ever, and never would try and make me feel guilty at all - that's a really childish and nasty thing to do.

Go and tell him to have a wank and leave you alone.

Congratulations on your pregnancy though I'm sorry you've been so unwell with it flowers

Supersoaryflappypigeon Sat 13-May-17 21:15:34

We had sex 3 times my whole pregnancy and he never once complained or even mentioned it.

Your partner is a dickhead-yanbu.

MrsTerryPratchett Sat 13-May-17 21:22:47

Anyone who actively wants to have sex with someone who doesn't want to have sex with them is repulsive; lowest of the low. Pregnancy aside.

Has he always been an arsehole or just since you got pregnant?

user1473602935 Sat 13-May-17 21:31:18

We've only had sex once since I've been pregnant. Half way through now and won't again while pregnant I doubt

OH has never put any pressure on me and has been v understanding

Sorry but you DH is BU and very selfish

user1473602935 Sat 13-May-17 21:32:00

Maybe you should show him this thread!!

Screwinthetuna Sat 13-May-17 21:34:58

I didn't have sex for 9 months with any of my children. I wasn't comfortable with it, my DH wasn't comfortable with it. YANBU

selsigfach Sat 13-May-17 21:39:49

Good god, that's terrible advice.

sailorcherries Sat 13-May-17 22:11:34

Before I became pregnant we would have sex 5-6 times a week minimum.
During this pregnancy we went down to maybe once a week and now, as I'm reaching the last few days, maybe once every week and a half (I appreciate that is more than those on this thread but a big drop for us).

OH has been nothing but understanding. He knows I'm sore (spd and sciatica), he knows I have heartburn, he knows I feel disgusting and he knows physical contact isn't something I want all the time just now.
He understands and has never pressured me in to it, so no you are definitely not being unreasonable in wanting him to be more understanding and sympathetic.

Staypuff Sat 13-May-17 22:18:02

Yanbu to think he should be very considerate but you know he won't. You know this man and his attitude. Being pregnant only makes arsehole more shitty.

Ask him why he wants sex from someone who is too unwell to want and enjoy it. Expect sulks and manipulations. Contact women's aid for advice flowers

purpletea Sun 14-May-17 15:30:37

He's been an arsehole since dc1 was born tbh.

Why I thought a second dc was a good idea is beyond me.

DeadGood Sun 14-May-17 15:36:17

Sailorcherries, for some reason your post makes me feel sad. If I had all of your symptoms I would not want to still be having sex once a week, or at all.

MrsTerryPratchett Sun 14-May-17 15:53:11

Once he had you trapped, he started acting like an arsehole.

Get some advice.

MrsTerryPratchett Sun 14-May-17 15:53:51

Once he had you trapped, he started acting like an arsehole.

Get some advice.

purpletea Sun 14-May-17 16:03:48

Having children originally was my idea I just didn't expect him to be so horrible after wards. He's not really cut out for it if I'm honest.

But I am trapped. He owns the house and both cars so I'm pretty stuck as to what to do. I have no real income as have stopped working (not due to either of our decisions).

I don't want to end up in a shitty hostel or something with children. I don't think anyone will help me.

MrsTerryPratchett Sun 14-May-17 16:22:20

It may have been more your decision but you are no less trapped.

I take it you aren't married? But he would have to pay child support if you separated. Do you have any family/friends who could help?

purpletea Sun 14-May-17 16:36:04

No we aren't married fortunately.

I guess my mum would. My concern is that if I leave and stay with her I wouldn't be homeless and then wouldn't be housed?

MrsTerryPratchett Sun 14-May-17 18:56:58

Go to Women's Aid and the CAB. Find out what you are entitled to, what for benefits, housing child support. Get your ducks in a row.

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