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In trouble and don't get why

(33 Posts)
Allgonetitsup1 Sat 13-May-17 18:55:12

AIBU to be really peed off that I am in trouble for test driving a car this afternoon that my BF got on Thursday for the weekend.

He told me he had it for the weekend and wanted me to drive it to see how I would feel. We live together so it would be one of two family cars. He has had it since Thursday and has been driving it around. He told me today was my turn. Anyway, he goes out cycling at 7.30am and I leave out at 12.50pm (he's still not back) to pick up a friend and test the car. Being socially adept, I do not feel the need to be checking my mobile phone when in a 1:1 situation as I myself find it incredibly frustrating when others do this. Anyway, at 4.15 friend goes to the loo after we pay the coffee bill and I check my phone to find BF and my DS have sent several texts telling me off for not having the car back as a) they want to drive it and b) it needs to be back at the dealership. I was not told it needed to be back so I phoned BF, to be told off for being 20 miles away and that it needs to go back asap. I said that had I known I would have been back. He then said it wasn't just fault, I should have known, ranted a bit more then cut me off! Tried calling him again, line busy. He phoned me back 2 mins later, again ranting and cut me off again whilst I'm trying to defend myself. I took the car back to the garage who said I could have kept it another day. Got home to another telling off and asked if had I considered he might want it again! I gave him a round of 'f's as I could not believe the way he had acted, the way he had spoken to me and also incredulous at his utter selfishness.

AUBU? I have give the facts exactly as they are. I'm not feeling sorry for myself but I'm still seething. How would you feel?

SheSaidHeSaid Sat 13-May-17 18:57:26

Told off.... It might just be a turn of phrase but you're not a child and your partner shouldn't 'tell you off'.

If it was really that urgent he should have called you anyway, not left messages that were obviously going ignored/un-read

Justmadeperfectflapjacks Sat 13-May-17 18:58:11

I would have reminded him I wasn't a child and he can fuck off trying to tell me off.

Pandamanda3 Sat 13-May-17 18:58:36

Ur not being unreasonable NO
Id be very pissed off op
Let him sulk!

ZilphasHatpin Sat 13-May-17 18:59:50

Does your partner often tell you off and rant at you? Do you think that's a normal way to communicate with another adult?

honeylulu Sat 13-May-17 19:01:13

The "weekend" continues into Sunday lady time I looked. This tallies with the garage telling you you could have had it another day.
Plus BF telling you it was your day to drive it!!!
All I can guess is that he returned, deciding he fancied driving it and was then pissed off he couldn't.
Total nob end.

If you bought the car would it come from family funds? I've got a feeling you won't be "allowed" to drive it much!

honeylulu Sat 13-May-17 19:01:50

Last time not lady time!

waybalooo Sat 13-May-17 19:04:39

I bet he's just pissed that he didn't get another go at the car and he's taking it out on you. Asshole!

ZilphasHatpin Sat 13-May-17 19:13:29

I've got a feeling you won't be "allowed" to drive it much!

Yep. Sounds like he has decided he is in charge of the car.

AlexaAmbidextra Sat 13-May-17 19:19:39

Not only BF, but DS has texted to 'tell you off' too? Fuck that. He'd get a mouthful as well.

Allgonetitsup1 Sat 13-May-17 19:23:03

He'd be paying for the car. His choice if he wants it. Don't understand why he bothered to put my name on the test drive if I wasn't allowed to drive the chuffing thing. Selfish behaviour IMO. I just needed a bit of reassurance that I wasn't going bonkers.

Allgonetitsup1 Sat 13-May-17 19:23:36

I've given DS a gobful too.

farfarawayfromhome Sat 13-May-17 19:26:07

How old is your DS that you've "given him a gobful"?

You all sound delightful.

Dumbo412 Sat 13-May-17 19:34:03

Allgone put some fucks into him. How dare he treat you that way? Bit of an overreaction on his part.
Sorry. I fight fire with fire.

ZilphasHatpin Sat 13-May-17 19:36:16

Do you all just swear and shout at each other?

BoomBoomsCousin Sat 13-May-17 19:47:01

YAN going bonkers. But you're also not in trouble. Your BF is unreasonably annoyed at you. He's treating you badly. That's it. I would suggest that responding to someone who is being badly behaved by shouting and swearing is unlikely to get you very far, especially in the long term. Insist he treats you better or split up with him. And don't accept bad treatment from your DS either.

topcat2014 Sat 13-May-17 19:50:12

You do have to tell us what car it was though!

When I bought my current, and previous, cars I had a 20 minute drive round the block from the dealer and that was that.

ITooHaveBeenThere Sat 13-May-17 19:55:10

Just to play Devil's Advocate for a second... you said you were taking the car for a test drive but you actually took it out for the afternoon, picked up a friend, went for coffee...

You took the car he'd got from the dealership for a test drive and were then not contactable for the entire afternoon.

He might not have been very polite about it, but I imagine he was probably pretty frustrated at you having the car that was 'given' to him and he being unable to contact you.

I just think that in the circumstances, I'd have kept in touch or at least checked my phone. Just to be on the safe side.

So, I wouldn't want to be spoken to the way you were, but I wouldn't have been in that situation in the first place.

DeadGood Sat 13-May-17 19:55:40

He's annoyed that you were incommunicado for about 4 hours, I think I'm the circumstances I'd find that pretty unnecessary too.

He's a dick for shouting though - "in trouble"? And your son joining in?! Weird dynamic you all have.

Fairenuff Sat 13-May-17 19:56:09

How long were you out of contact for? I would be annoyed if I couldn't get hold of dh purely because he didn't bother to check his phone.

daisypond Sat 13-May-17 20:10:15

Is a test drive the same as driving somewhere that's 20 miles away and taking a friend for coffee, for several hours? I wouldn't call that a test drive.

Brittbugs80 Sat 13-May-17 20:31:04

Why not just drop him a text and say "got the car, getting friend, going for coffee, be back about 4"

I think that was selfish behaviour.

And giving your DS a gobful too?!?!

ITooHaveBeenThere Sat 13-May-17 20:36:51

There are so many problems and issues discussed on here that could have been prevented, or easily resolved, with a bit of clear, respectful communication.

I think this is one of them.

Voice0fReason Sat 13-May-17 20:55:45

It sounds like you have pretty dreadful communication if you yell at each other so much and there is so much misunderstanding from your conversations.

PigletWasPoohsFriend Sat 13-May-17 20:58:03

I've given DS a gobful too.


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