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To say no to my neighbour?

(36 Posts)
igotdemons Sat 13-May-17 18:43:29

Long time lurker here, just wanted some perspective on a somewhat unique situation with my neighbour to see if I am being unreasonable to say no to his request.

DH and I are moving house at the end of the month - the reason for our move is due to a sad and upsetting family situation, which has caused so much stress and worry over the past six months that it has affected my health to the point that I have developed a serious autoimmune disease (am currently awaiting treatment).

The houses in the area we are currently living in are all attached to each other by garages, however this particular neighbour has converted his into a living room, which means he has no other access to his garden other than directly through his house.

Pretty much as soon as we moved in a few years ago he sidled up to my DH whilst he was outside and asked if we would mind him using our garage for access to his garden once or twice a year, to which we said OK as we had just moved in and wanted to be neighbourly. However, since then, apart from when he has actually come to the door to ask for access, he doesn't speak to us, has dinged our car a few times with his car door and when I have taken in parcels for him, doesn't come to collect them for days on end. As you can imagine, my patience for being neighbourly has worn out and as we are moving, DH and I said to each other that if he comes to ask for access before we leave, the answer will be a big fat no because we have other things to be doing/worrying about without him adding to it.

Anyway, cut to this morning, two weeks until moving day and neighbour accosts my DH outside again to ask for access for works that need carrying out in his garden and for his usual access. As my DH is a people pleaser and soft as shit, he completely ignores what we discussed earlier and agrees that neighbour can use our garage! As we have the house for another month after we move out to get the carpets cleaned etc. my DH thought it would be OK just to leave the empty garage unlocked for them (to which I said no, we will still be responsible for the house if anything happened). I also explained to him that I have enough to do in terms of packing and getting ready to move, as well as feeling ill, that I do not need nor want the extra hassle of dealing with the neighbour and his workmen traipsing in and out of our garage, nor the worry of an unlocked garage when we're not there (I am home during the day, DH works long hours)!

So AIBU to say no when the neighbour comes round to confirm a date for the works to start and tell him he'll have to sort out his own access?

MrsExpo Sat 13-May-17 18:55:02

I'm a bit confused. Once he's walked through your garage I assume he's in your back garden and thus has the climb a fence (or something) to get to his own rear garden. I would not allow him access any further and use the fact that you have sold the house/are moving as your excuse. Certainly don't leave the access open after you move out. He's got a nerve. Clearly didn't think through the consequences of his conversion before doing it.

Hope the move helps you to feel better. Good luck .....

igotdemons Sat 13-May-17 19:00:06

Yes, there is a fence there but it's quite low at the far end, so easy to just climb over it. I can't understand why he didn't think of access issues when he did his conversion! He basically relies on whoever is living in our house that they will grant him access through the garage. Hope whoever moves in next just says no! 😂

ASDismynormality Sat 13-May-17 19:03:56

Tell him it will invalidate your insurance to leave the garage unlock so he can't have access.

RayofFuckingSunshine Sat 13-May-17 19:05:05

I wouldn't wait to tell him, but I would be making DH go round tonight to apologise and say he was mistaken, there is no way that access is possible due to the move.

Louiselouie0890 Sat 13-May-17 19:07:46

I'm confused does he not have a back door? I wouldn't leave it open I'd be too worried and going off past experiences i.e him not caring he dinged your car I highly doubt he's gna show any care respect responsibility for your garage let alone a bunch of workmen

JanetBrown2015 Sat 13-May-17 19:09:57

I would write a formal letter which can be kept for later buyers of your house which says although twice a year you have allowed him through no formal access rights exist, that it is not convenient for the future and you are afraid you are not prepared to grant access for his works.

If you want to be kind you could offer access say for a lump sum payment of £3k provided he signs in writing that there is no continuing access right and this will be the last access attempt ever.

Pebbles1989 Sat 13-May-17 19:12:03

Could you say that you'd had a security check done on your house that had highlighted the unlocked garage as an issue? If you need a reason to suddenly start refusing without looking mean, that could work.

blankmind Sat 13-May-17 19:16:20

"Tell him it will invalidate your insurance to leave the garage unlock so he can't have access"

Please do, and then tell your husband that allowing people access over/through your property for a lot of years can enable them to have that access as a right. I bet your buyers would be delighted to find out you were allowing something they'd not even thought of.

Tell NDN a big fat No, sweeten it however you need to, but say No and stand firm.

expatinscotland Sat 13-May-17 19:21:29

Oh, fuck that! I'd make your DH go there and grow a fucking pair. No excuses, just no, we can't do that. You need to make other arrangements.

HappyFlappy Sat 13-May-17 19:23:08

What blankmind says And warn your buyers!

Fragglez Sat 13-May-17 19:23:50

He won't know when you are completing, so if you want to avoid confrontation just tell him the day you move out is the day his new neighbours own the house so you can't give him access.

igotdemons Sat 13-May-17 19:23:59

Thanks for all your replies! 😊

We only rent our house, but our Landlord didn't have a problem with it when I mentioned this to him a while back whilst secretly hoping he'd say he wasn't happy about it!. I wasn't aware of that blankmind! 😲

BritInUS1 Sat 13-May-17 19:30:58

Surely his house has a backdoor, so why can't he use that?

IamADalek Sat 13-May-17 19:38:15

We need a diagram 🙂

crazycatgal Sat 13-May-17 19:38:51

Send DH round to say he can't have access.

Fragglez Sat 13-May-17 20:16:35

Ok, tell him the garage is full of packed boxes so no room for him to get through, and that for access after you have moved out he will have to arrange things with your landlord.

igotdemons Sat 13-May-17 20:30:45

Oh God, hope this doesn't out me but here is a diagram!

BritInUS1 Sat 13-May-17 20:32:08

But he has a back door?

Ariawyn Sat 13-May-17 20:33:46

He'll have to go through his house now.??

Mombie2016 Sat 13-May-17 20:37:31

Does he not have a back door confused

nicknameofawesome Sat 13-May-17 21:03:21

We had a garage conversion in our old
House in the same Situation. We had a backdoor so we could still get outside via the house just not via garage/garden/path.

There's no need for him to be going through your garage. Surely he has a backdoor? If not how does he get into his garden?

We managed without annoying our neighbours for 10 years...

HappyFlappy Sat 13-May-17 21:33:41

Why does he not just have steps built up each side of his conversion?

Then he can go up the steps one side, walk across the roof, and go down the steps on the other.

Honestly - some people just don't think. hmm

HappyFlappy Sat 13-May-17 21:34:44

Nice diagram, BTW smile

igotdemons Sat 13-May-17 21:35:34

I wanted to leave this out as it's really outing but the main reason he needs access through our garage is that his oil tank is in his back garden and when he converted his garage, for whatever reason (money I think!) he didn't make any provisions for this and apparently the oil companies won't deliver through his house! It really annoys me that he did this to himself but then has the audacity to ask us for access through our garage! 😡 Sorry for drip feeding but I was trying to make this thread less identifying!

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