AIBU to end this friendship?(5 Posts)
A friend has a one year old and has just had a new baby. She asked me to babysit when her oldest was four months old. We agreed she would be back at 1am. She came back at 2.30am with no apology. The next time she asked me to babysit I reminded her that I had a meeting at 1pm and she needed to be back by 12.30pm. She came back at 12.45pm so I was late for my meeting, again no apology.
I declined the next time she asked me to babysit. She has since asked again and I pointed out that her lateness the last two times means I don't want to babysit again. She did (eventually) apologise for her lateness but then said. "Now that's out of the way can you babysit again sometime." I said I'd think about it and she responded with "Don't you want a relationship with X" (her son).
I was utterly taken aback. She seems to think it's a privilege for me to look after him, where I see it as an (unpaid) favour for a friend. My children are grown up so there will never be any reciprocity.
I haven't known her that long and since she became a parent her world revolves around her children. This is, of course, as it should be but she seems to think I should feel the same way about them as she does, which is ludicrous.
She claims that I am the only person she trusts to look after her son which I think is emotional blackmail. She and her husband are going through a very bad patch so whenever I see her she is usually complaining about him and to be frank it is getting very boring.
I've tried to let her down gently by declining social invitations etc but she is still asking me to get back to her on whether I would be willing to babysit in the future! She clearly can't take the hint. Should I spell it out that I don't want to continue the friendship or just keep ignoring her in the hope that she will eventually get it?
I wouldn't necessarily end the friendship but I'd still refuse to babysit. And it is emotional blackmail that she's trying. Just be unavailable for a bit.
I would have a stock response of something along the lines of: 'My relationship is with yourself, not your children and that whilst i'm happy for some of our meet ups to involve or have the children there, I don't wish to be used as free childcare.' You can of course just keep refusing to babysit and hope she stops asking.
Don't babysit again. Dump her as a friend if you feel she's using you and you're not getting anything positive from the friendship.
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