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To not want DS to lick my face

(21 Posts)
INeedAnAero Sat 13-May-17 15:18:40

DS just had a face time chat with his dad.

Just for background, ex P left just over 12 months ago and I still carry a lot of anger and hurt so I think sometimes this clouds my judgement when it comes to things he does. Hence the AIBU

Part way through chat, ex says to DS (3) "go and lick mummy's face"
I said "oo no thank you, I wouldn't like that" in light hearted way

Ex repeats this again, DS is laughing and lunging for me so I have to say a bit more firmly, no, its not nice to do that and I don't like it

I then get a kind of huffy toned, "its only a joke" kind of response.

I then said to Ex that I know its joking but a, I don't like it and b, DS is too young to know when 'jokes' like this are appropriate or not and may end up upsetting people, thinking it's funny to lick their face

All this was said in friendly enough tone in front of DS

I almost feel like ex was doing this to get a rise out of me, the whole fun dad routine so I had to draw the line.
We are not on good terms so it all felt a bit weird to be honest.

We co parent well and always are amicable in front of DS but this annoyed me.
AIBU?

Squirmy65ghyg Sat 13-May-17 15:20:22

Of course he was. Ex is a twat.

Writerwannabe83 Sat 13-May-17 15:22:18

YANBU at all.

I even cringe a little when DS (also 3) starts giving me lots of wet kiddy kisses. If he licked me I think I'd be sick grin

INeedAnAero Sat 13-May-17 15:24:27

Its like he was encouraging it because he knew i wouldn't 'approve' then I would be the spoil sport.

Or I'm reading too much into it....

barrygetamoveonplease Sat 13-May-17 15:24:29

Yes it was weird. What a controlling bastard your ex is. Cunt.

INeedAnAero Sat 13-May-17 15:57:59

Are you being sarcastic barry?

I can't tell

LadyPW Sat 13-May-17 16:20:08

I think Barry was being honest. Your ex does sound like a complete twat.

INeedAnAero Sat 13-May-17 19:08:27

Glad its not just me then.

Although not glad he's behaving like this.

Raising a 3 year old as a single parent is hard enough as it is, without having to navigate this crap as well!

barrygetamoveonplease Sat 13-May-17 19:12:11

I wasn't being sarcastic! It was just how it appeared to me. I think you need to keep a firm, practical manner about the ex - he will probably keep trying it on.

WatchingFromTheWings Sat 13-May-17 19:12:52

My 5yo is going through a licking phase. It's horrible. Your ex is being an arse.

Passmethecrisps Sat 13-May-17 19:13:50

I am with barry. He is playing your son off against you.

I hate licking. Yuck

INeedAnAero Sat 13-May-17 19:18:38

Sorry barry I wasn't having a go smile
I appreciate your directness as those are my sentiments exactly. He is a cunt.

I am just too tired for this nonsense!

Ditsy1980 Sat 13-May-17 19:19:22

My exh used to do similar to me when DD was younger.. on FaceTime he'd say "go on DD, tickle Mammy's ear" which he knows I hate. So then DD would do it as she would think it was funny and I'd have to be firm and bad Mam as opposed to fun Dad.

It's all about control.

INeedAnAero Sat 13-May-17 19:23:06

I hadn't actually thought about it in this way before.
Didn't really occur to me that there might be an element of control to it. I just thought he was being an idiot.

He fucking left! Surely his work here is done?!
I honestly do not have the patience for this!

Henrysmycat Sat 13-May-17 19:24:53

I'm not sarcastic. Your ex sounds like a controling twat. I think, you're well rid if him.

FeedMeAndTellMeImPretty Sat 13-May-17 20:24:34

"He fucking left! Surely his work here is done?!" sorry but that made me laugh! Your ex is indeed a controlling twat. All you can do is continue to instil in your DS that doing things to people that they don't enjoy isn't funny, it's disrespectful.

Teaching kids about consent starts at a young age and your ex is trying to teach him that over-stepping boundaries and making people uncomfortable is ok.

My DP pretends to licks my face in a mock-show of possession. It is territorial marking and your ex is using your DS as a proxy to mark you as his possession.

If he does it again I'd say "time to say goodbye to daddy now as I need to go and have a wash" or something. Don't tolerate him disrespecting you via your son. Zero tolerance!

INeedAnAero Sat 13-May-17 20:44:22

This has been a bit of an eye opener! Now I've had it pointed out to me I'm actually pissed off

It was just weird and uncomfortable the more I think about it.
Like he was trying to have a joke with me, via DS.

Just no!

Think i'll have to be more assertive now. I'm just very wary of rocking the boat or being accused of being difficult

Henrysmycat Sat 13-May-17 21:01:59

FeedMe put it so beautifully especially around consent.

Ravenblack Sat 13-May-17 21:05:42

A tongue anywhere near my face (from anyone!) is gross IMO. Literally. Yuk. angry

And if you don't like it, you shouldn't have to tolerate it. Tell the twat (your ex!) to eff off. angry

M0stlyBowlingHedgehog Sat 13-May-17 21:12:56

Agree that discussing consent starts really early - with "it's only a game if everyone's smiling", and stopping tickling the moment the child says no, and explaining that everyone - including mummy - can say "no" and things should stop then.

Your ex is indeed being a twat, and a controlling twat at that.

INeedAnAero Sat 13-May-17 21:18:29

Its something that I've been had to work on for a while with DS anyway - typical 3 year old manic behaviour that can go a bit far and I have to say "mummy doesn't like that" or "listen when someone is saying no, it means they don't like what you are doing and you need to stop"

He's fucking capitalising on this isn't he?! Arsehole

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