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AIBU to stop putting so much effort into buying gifts?

(21 Posts)
supershaz Sat 13-May-17 14:53:25

Whenever a special occasion arises I always try to find a perfect gift. I'll research, browse and put my heart and soul into the present I am buying. It is now up to me to buy for the kids, my side of the family and DH's side too. Unfortunately I don't buy my own gifts and since I took on this responsibility, I have been over looked on many occasions. I got nothing for my birthday, mother's day or easter! I'm tempted to just stop bothering. I know you don't give to receive, all I ask is for a bit of effort from DH and DCs hmm

Huldra Sat 13-May-17 14:59:17

Yes, I would stop bothering for my husband.

OverOn Sat 13-May-17 15:07:25

Have you spoken to your DH about this? He should be buying for his family, for you and helping the DC (if young) to buy for you.

I wouldn't buy for DH family - that's his job, don't know why you've taken it on?

Spankypitta Sat 13-May-17 15:30:44

I buy all the gifts for our families. I just tell DH what I want for my birthday, Mother's Day etc, I hate getting crap presents.
Years ago, before I turned into such a control freak, he bought me a pair of poo-brown corduroy trousers for Christmas.

Nomorechickens Sat 13-May-17 15:38:38

Don't bother putting so much effort into choosing gifts, because most people don't appreciate it. Unless there are any recipients who can show evidence of having genuinely liked and used your gifts. Stop buying for DHs family. Make him buy you nice things, take him to the shop and point if necessary. Unfortunately gift buying is often a 'girl's job', as I'm sure the PM would agree.

AnneEyhtMeyer Sat 13-May-17 15:46:32

My H is useless so I stopped buying anything for him or for his side of the family.

I buy myself presents instead.

ememem84 Sat 13-May-17 15:57:52

I deal with present for dh and my side of the family he deals with my gifts and his family. His brothers fil and mil haven't had gifts from us for years. Mostly because he cba to do it.

user1493022461 Sat 13-May-17 16:11:04

I'll research, browse and put my heart and soul into the present I am buying

No-one is ever going to live up to those bizarrely high expectations, so they probably don't try.

Dianneabbottsmathsteacher Sat 13-May-17 16:14:41

You need a hobby love or a busier life seriously family get vouchers or cash. I haven't time to put *my heart and soul*into buying crap for them.

Railgunner1 Sat 13-May-17 18:32:42

Give up. Don't be a victim of consumerist mentality

Trb17 Sat 13-May-17 18:38:32

I would buy for DC's but I'd stop for DH if it wasn't reciprocated.

How old are the DC's? If they're old enough to understand I'd explain to them that they should now take responsibility for thinking of others when occasions come up.

CoffeeAndCakeYum Sat 13-May-17 19:55:02

Stop buying gifts, most people don't care about these things the same way you do.

chopsticky Sat 13-May-17 19:55:53

Just get vouchers.

RimJob Sat 13-May-17 23:33:26

My mum used to have expectations like that, used to buy every family member a well thought out gift for all occasions and was always disappointed they didn't return the gesture. I kept telling her not to expect everyone to behave how she does, and they're probably hinting they don't want more presents. She now only buys for her closest few who enjoy exchanging gifts and she is much happier.
I can't be doing with the whole faff and expense.

SnapJack68 Sun 14-May-17 00:37:14

Buy your own gifts too.. I do this now sometimes and it's great

PippaFawcett Sun 14-May-17 00:41:51

I do DH, the DC, my friends and my family. DH does me and his family and friends. He has never missed an occasion to buy me something but everyone else rarely gets anything which I used to find embarrassing as I thought it reflected on us as a family, but now I don't care. He just is not interested in buying things for people - he will bung his nieces and nephews some money when he sees them but that is about it!

Me and many of my friends have stopped buying for each other too, our bank balances are happier and we have less clutter.

HeddaGarbled Sun 14-May-17 01:04:54

I do put thought and effort into presents for H, children, mum and one close friend. With siblings, I tend to ask them what they want and get that. H's family is his responsibility.

My present from H, we either shop together, or I email him links. I learned early on in the marriage that he doesn't have the imagination or intuition that I do so if I wanted something I liked, I needed to be very directive. With the children, I will suggest things if asked. One is good at guessing what I might like, one hopeless so needs guidance.

YANBU but at the same time YABU. It would be horrible to stop putting any effort into your children's presents. But you do need to be a bit more assertive about telling them what you want and you do need to back off from all the peripheral family members.

DarkFloodRises Sun 14-May-17 01:07:30

YANBU to expect your DH to get you something for your birthday. YABU to expect him to put his heart and soul into choosing the perfect thing. Most of us just don't have time for that!

Justanothernameonthepage Sun 14-May-17 01:09:37

Stop buying gifts for DH and DH's family. (I only occasionally sort out gifts for that side of DH is hectic as a favour that is appreciated). But I'd also spend the money I would have spent on DH on a gift for myself - and I would have no issue adding up all the costs of the missed gifts to get something truly indulgent from him (as long as it wasnt going to put us in debt)

VimFuego101 Sun 14-May-17 01:11:08

I think if it's that important to you, you need to tell him so. I don't mind what I get as long as I can see DH put thought into it (just helping DS to make and write a card or make a cake), I'd be hurt if they didn't bother at all.

ExplodedCloud Sun 14-May-17 01:17:06

I really detest this level of pressure placed upon the recipient by a determined perfect giver. It turns the whole thing into how marvellous you are for guessing what I wanted.
It's such a waste of money.
OTOH YANBU to want a gesture on your special days. I got a little bunch of flowers on a special occasion, bought through a charity close to my heart with a hand written card from the dc a few years ago. I found the card in a drawer today and it's reminded me of how I felt. That's priceless.

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