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Sitting here crying- AIBU??

(54 Posts)
midnightswirls Fri 12-May-17 21:09:11

So i've just gone out for a meal with my sister down my new local pub. I've not long come out of a refuge and settled into my new village. This is the first time I've been to the pub and we had a really nice time until the end. I got a phone call from a private number, I dont normally so i answered and apologised to my sister. It was a girl i used to be in the refuge with and she told me she just moved to another. She seemed quite upset telling me her abusive husband had found out stuff and she dont know how. I felt bad being on the phone but was also hard stopping her speaking bluntly as she was upset and doesn't have many friends. I was on the phone for 6 mins. We had finished our meal and drinks so it weren't through the middle of anything. I got off the phone and apologised again but my sister went mental at me, causing a scene and raising her voice. I was so mortified and told her to keep it down, said sorry but she was upset and she's been through alot. I said i would understand if her friend called and was upset and she was on the phone for that amount of time. Even if i was annoyed i would wait until we were outside to say something.
She text our mum straight away, refused to speak to me. And now has gone home. My LB is with his dad and now im all alone feeling rubbish and that they are all against me. Sitting here crying feeling attacked. (I'm currently having counselling for my mums abusive ways growing up). AIBU to feel like she shouldn't have reacted that way? Or at least waited until we got outside. She will now not talk to me for ages or until i beg and say sorry.

iogo Fri 12-May-17 21:12:46

FFS. she should have been a bit more understanding.

Napoliforte Fri 12-May-17 21:12:48

Your sister is just another name to add to your No Contact list.

Squirmy65ghyg Fri 12-May-17 21:14:01

What a shame. On the plus side, she sounds horrible and if she doesn't speak to you that's a bonus! flowers Sorry about your friend OP. Everything sounds awful and your sister is a cow.

WeddingsAreStressful Fri 12-May-17 21:15:45

Your sister is very unreasonable. Sounds like an unhealthy dynamic between the two of you there and in your family generally. Is she in the habit of exploding over such trivial things at you? Maybe you need to consider distancing yourself from her while you recover.

ScrumpyBetty Fri 12-May-17 21:16:09

Of course your sister shouldn't have reacted that way! What an over reaction just for a phone call. You have the right to speak to people on the phone, and even if it was a problem for her, your sister should not have flown off the handle like she did. Poor you. flowers

Wolfiefan Fri 12-May-17 21:16:26

Normally I would say it's really rude to take a phone call if you are out for a meal with someone. But you could hardly hang up on a distressed friend could you? Not like you sat there on the phone for an hour.
Sounds like your mum isn't the only abusive one. Don't get sucked in. Don't beg. Let her not talk to you.

wibblypig1 Fri 12-May-17 21:20:00

She is being unreasonable. You can't put the phone down on someone when they're upset.
You've done nothing wrong but your sister has no compassion for what you've been through either.

midnightswirls Fri 12-May-17 21:27:27

Thank you i at least feel a bit better. I was thinking maybe i shouldnt have taken the call at all. But i never normally get a call privately so thought it was important. None of my family have been understanding me being in the refuge. Not asked how am i really.
Weddingsarestressful she is very known for flying off the handle at such trivial things but never at me. She can be quite confrontational and can never keep a job because of these reasons.

I've always been there for her even when i thought she had done wrong, because she's my sister. But i feel like she doesn't do the same back. Now i just feel even more alone. I was beginning to get my happiness back.

Misstic Fri 12-May-17 21:31:19

If I were in your shoes I'd feel relief at being given a good reason to go 'no contact'.

isobel79 Fri 12-May-17 21:35:32

I could have written your post OP. This week I have opened up about my relationship with my sister and mother and now I realise that I have to just look out for me and mine. Take no notice. Sounds like a selfish and unsympathetic woman.

AShowerOfBastardsTed Fri 12-May-17 21:41:38

YANBU. I wouldn't apologise if I were you.

midnightswirls Fri 12-May-17 21:53:05

I guess its true what they say you cant choose your family sad

And when i got off the phone my sister said do you know how embarrassing it was for me sitting here while you're having your heart to heart on the phone. I said sorry but she's been through so much and doesn't have many people around her. She just said i dont care. Its my pet hate and its so rude.

DiseasesOfTheSheep Fri 12-May-17 21:53:46

Whilst I would generally say it's rude to be on the phone at the table, I don't see how it would be avoidable in the circumstances you describe. You can hardly hang up on someone in reasonable distress. Your sister should have more empathy.

OboePlayingImmortalRabbit Fri 12-May-17 21:55:36

midnight I don't think you were at all unreasonable. You sound like a lovely friend. Your sister, on the other hand, sounds awful. Please don't apologise to her.

TheMysteriousJackelope Fri 12-May-17 22:00:38


Please don't feel bad. How were you to know if was a distressed friend? You couldn't hang up on someone in that state, it would have been cruel. Normally it is rude to take a call during a meal with someone else, but nobody expects someone to ignore a potential emergency. Your sister was infinitely more rude by making a huge fuss and disturbing everyone else within earshot.

Stop crying, you may be alone now, but at least you don't have the prospect of your nasty sister and mother breathing down your neck for a while. Let them take their break, and use the opportunity to meet nicer people.

MatildaTheCat Fri 12-May-17 22:01:58

She is the problem not you. It can be slightly annoying for your dinner date to take calls but this was both short and very important. And you apologised so she's an idiot and you should not do any more to make amends.

Dry your tears and congratulate yourself for refusing to deal with abusers and idiots.

WaitingYetAgain Fri 12-May-17 22:04:17

She should have cut you some slack, even though I understand about the phone at table thing as I dislike it too. I would usually try to excuse myself and take the phone call outside or in a corridor so that it is not as if the other person has to listen to me talking.

Your sister sounds unempathetic. Don't let her steal your happiness.

e1y1 Fri 12-May-17 22:30:59

I'd tell your sister to fuck off.

midnightswirls Fri 12-May-17 22:47:02

Thank you. I usually would say it's rude too and I never go on my phone to text/call during a meal. But obviously I couldn't cut her off. When I said I'm so sorry I'm out with my sister she sounded so sad. I feel awful for cutting her short and then I got that reaction on top of it

foxyloxy78 Fri 12-May-17 22:54:04

Your sister is a complete tool. I take it she does not understand the pain that your friend is going through, but she certainly lacks empathy. Ignore her and don't let her bring you down. Stay positive and focus on getting that happiness back because you can do it.

Butterymuffin Fri 12-May-17 22:57:31

Don't beg or say sorry to your sister. She's not nice to you. Contrary to your expectations, she'll be back in touch with you once she misses having someone to push around.

LadySalmakia Fri 12-May-17 23:07:30

It is pretty off to take a call during a meal but it sounds like you've had a hell of a lot going on yourself and it could have been anyone - I mean, your child is away from you this evening and it might have been about them - so you had to answer it.

And 6 minutes with an emotional friend is not a lot, and your sister was massively overreacting - embarrassing? To be with someone who's on the phone? I bet no one even noticed.

I'm all for boundaries, and if that's a thing of your sister's then saying after the call "I hate it when people answer the phone during meals, could you just not do that again when I'm hear" would suffice, screaming and carrying on is much ruder than being on the phone. Most people do not shout at other people on anything like a regular basis, that's just wrong.

blackteasplease Fri 12-May-17 23:07:51

Your sister was very u. This was clearly an emergency.

You say you were in a refuge. I'm assuming fleeing an abusive partner. You've come from an abusive family. This undoubtedly made you more susceptible to abuse. If you want a happy life in future and a decent, non abusive relationship I would consider cutting these family members loose.

SiouxieQ Fri 12-May-17 23:12:02

Your sister is a nasty bully, please don't pander to her bull shit by apologising to her. You did nothing wrong.

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