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'Friends' and ex-partner

(9 Posts)
NewYearNewLife53 Fri 12-May-17 20:59:11

Me and ex split in October. He's been a shit. Subjected me to verbal and emotional abuse for 5 years. Then there was the smashing of plates and chairs and laying on the floor subjecting the kids to all this. It was hell and eventually I got him to leave. Friends know what went on. Lives 5 mins down the road but now will only have kids overnight once/week. He has a very good job but is 'woe is me'. Meanwhile, I've retrained, in my 50s, got a (stressful) full time new job and do full time childcare when I return home at 6:30pm, having left house at 7am. Meanwhile, he can work from home 3-4 days a week, nice relaxed coffees, time for exercise, no childcare except for the one o/n stay on Saturday. No laundry, tidying up after them, none of the organisation, no school stuff, birthday organisation, etc etc.

Anyway, friends who I thought were supportive of me, I saw laughing and chatting with him tonight on corner of street. Now, I know the argument ('well, he's not done anything to them, has he?') However, I feel upset. They know how hard my life is - as a result of him absolving himself from his responsibilities and he will take their laughing with him as approval of his behaviour. Moreover, he's still being a shit. AIBU to feel a little bit betrayed by them?

SpongeBobJudgeyPants Fri 12-May-17 21:02:23

Not unreasonable, no. I had some of this myself, and though I haven't cut 'friend' off completely, can't feel the same way about her frankly. Civil, but don't social anymore. You will have good friends who will be more loyal hopefully.

PhoenixJasmine Fri 12-May-17 21:17:03

You feel how you feel, OP, your feelings can't be unreasonable, they are not up for debate. It's what action you take based on the feeling that could be reasonable or unreasonable.

Are these friends sympathetic when you need to vent about his shittiness?

HildaOg Fri 12-May-17 21:17:30

Yanbu, they have no loyalty to you therefore they're not friends. Don't share anything personal. Find new friends and cut the fake ones out.

PeaFaceMcgee Fri 12-May-17 21:19:50

Yanbu. I hope he's paying you appropriate maintenance?

Willyorwonte Fri 12-May-17 21:35:31

Hilda said it best. Tell them nothing. Bright and breezy, don't let on you saw.
That's shit and yanbu

BirdBandit Fri 12-May-17 21:40:45

Yanbu. It hurts, it feels like they are saying "yup, it is ok for him to abuse you".

Friends think they are being polite, being neutral. Move on, make new friends of your own who don't have conflicted loyalties.

user1494237944 Fri 12-May-17 21:43:57

Gone through this myself - someone who I thought was a friend dropped me like a shot once I was separated. Rather hurt by her attitude to be honest and have nothing to do with her. Meanwhile she and her husband still occasionally meet up with my ex.

NewYearNewLife53 Fri 12-May-17 21:49:01

He pays some maintenance but has very little idea how much bringing kids up costs.

Yes, they listen when I vent about his shittiness. I feel that kinda makes it worse tbh. They didn't see me as I drove passed - but it hit me in the gut given their 'empathy' in the past. Me and ex don't get on. They know that.
I think it's time to step away to protect my heart. I feel very hurt about it tbh. Should I say anything? Will they not wonder why I've distanced myself?

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