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To be annoyed that teacher told my 5 year old she's bottom of the class?

(16 Posts)
Bigblug Fri 12-May-17 17:19:17

My dd is 5 and in year 1. Shes never really been a big reader or enjoyed books much, preferring to draw or paint. Reception year was very laid back and they started learning the basics, and obviously in year 1 they start turning it up a notch into 'real' education. My dd is struggling with her reading and writing and is in a booster class. She seems to have abit of anxiety around it as she gets quite upset and kerfuffled over it, but when she is in the right mindset she can do fairly well. But she's come home upset on a few occasions because she's been told she's bottom of the class, and this has translated in her head as being stupid and her self esteem has dropped even lower. I'm sure it wasn't said in a nasty way but we only had parents evening a month or two ago and this wasn't raised with me, just that she needs extra work and the aforementioned booster class. We do her homework and read as much as she allows us too but once she gets in a tizz it's hard for her to focus properly, and she digs her heels in. Shes a June baby so nearly 6, and one of the youngest in her class if that counts for anything.
I feel cross at the teacher for telling her this and not us. Me and dp have a 'she'll catch up' attitude towards this but she seems to be getting a different message at home.
Is this normal? Should I mention the impact it's had on her? Or is the honesty necassary to get her going?

MatildaTheCat Fri 12-May-17 17:24:45

I actually find this hard to believe. You need to ask the teacher what has been said to dd and explain that she has heard it as being bottom of the class.

I hope she gets the help she needs. Lots of children make a slow start with reading and then progress really quickly.

gatorgolf Fri 12-May-17 17:26:18

Are u sure the teacher actually said this, I would be surprised even if s really crap teacher said. Has your dd misunderstood something?

TheRealPooTroll Fri 12-May-17 17:27:03

If she has been told she's bottom of the class then that's awful - there is no nice way to say that! The question is whether she has been told that or its just that she feels that way (kids tend to be quite aware of the hierarchy of their groupings even if they are in blue group or owls or somerhing) or maybe another child has said it or something? I doubt a staff member will admit to having said it if they have.
I would maybe mention what dd has told you in a 'I'm sure she must have got the wrong end of the stick' kind of way. Then if it has been said it will let the staff know she has told you and they will hopefully modify the way they are speaking to and around her. If it hasn't been said they will be aware it's something she's sensitive about.

Bigblug Fri 12-May-17 17:28:31

That's what my dd has said. It's definitely possible that she's heard something and interpreted it this way, but she seems sure that's what was said (We did ask her to clarify several times whether she overheard it/misinterpreted it/was told by a pupil ect) I find it hard to believe aswell but she seems convinced that this was said. I think it's right to raise it with her teacher though.

tiggytape Fri 12-May-17 17:32:38

I feel cross at the teacher for telling her this and not us.
I really, really doubt the teacher has said this at all. Honestly, it just doesn't happen
That's not to say D is being dishonest. Something has happened that makes her feel that way and I definitely think you should let the teacher know that DD feels she is bottom of the class.
You say DD is in a booster class and has anxiety about this. I think this is probably the source of it. It may be that the teacher steered her to the correct book from her reading level and she took this as a sign that the teacher thinks she can only read easy books. Or it might be another child has commented (helpfully as they do when boasting!) that DD is bottom or commented on the booster class.

So yes, definitely tell the teacher but do so with an open mind as to what might have been said / happened in class

UserThenLotsOfNumbers Fri 12-May-17 17:38:15

I really hope the teacher didn't say this and others are correct, that your daughter misheard/misinterpreted. Mind you, in my experience of teachers I wouldn't totally rule out that's what they said! The only way to find out is have a quiet word with teacher concerned. Good luck.

Squishedstrawberry4 Fri 12-May-17 17:46:06

She shouldn't be told she's bottom of the class but may have worked it out for herself. To improve she really does need to read with you daily. Maybe she needs rewards and a timer? Or reconsider the reading material so that it's fun

m0therofdragons Fri 12-May-17 17:46:42

Dtds are year 1 and they're all very aware of how others are doing due to what colour books they're on and where they are on maths levels. Dd2 regularly tells me she's stupid and bottom of the class. This hasn't come from the teacher and isn't true but she's not at the top therefore in her mind she's at the bottom. Talk to the teacher and reassure dd that everyone gets there and one day things she finds hard now will just click and she'll find it easy - as a baby she couldn't walk but now she's great at it etc.

MrsBobDylan Fri 12-May-17 17:46:59

The teacher won't have told her on numerous occasions that she's bottom of the class. Sounds like dd is getting anxious and likely believes that she is bottom which I would see her teacher about as it's sad she feels this way at only five and would be very upsetting to hear as a parent.

pinkunicornsarefluffy Fri 12-May-17 17:51:42

DD 9yo was sat beside a boy who I know has LD, and they were both struggling with a maths problem. Her teacher said to her "It's a good job you two sit together, you are the worst in the class".

She has also told the whole class that they are terrible and the worst class she has ever had. Funnily enough, she is not staying for a second year....

So these things do happen. If I were you, I would ask for a meeting with the teacher and the HT or deputy, so that you can discuss it informally.

Dianneabbottsmathsteacher Fri 12-May-17 17:52:17

Sure the teacher didn't say that to her op as that would be dreadful.

My dd twins were 'bottom of the class' at that age and had years of feeling 'stupid' now are sitting A levels and predicted As/Bs.

Our education system is fucking ridiculous

Dianneabbottsmathsteacher Fri 12-May-17 17:53:02

Pressed to soon go in and see the teacher and keep boosting her up op

Bigblug Fri 12-May-17 18:01:55

dianneabbot your username did make me chuckle [goes off topic]
Yes it is ridiculous. At 5 she shouldn't be feeling anxious about this, she's busy learning about the world already. I appreciate she has to have this education but it's making me question what's right for her. She doesn't want to go to school and it's scary she feels this way already. She has no problem socially either, she's a very outspoken and brash little girl at times. I really hope the teacher hasn't directly said this to her and to be honest it's more likely my dd has interpreted this way but then perhaps the system needs debugging to avoid this sort of Thing? Because from my end it's counter productive. From the other end I remember being in year 4 and running out of things to read because I was so advanced so I was allowed to use the library 'unsupervised' and I remember bragging about this, being the only member of class with this privilege. In hindsight that probably didn't help the guys struggling!

TheSconeOfStone Fri 12-May-17 18:10:13

If it's any comfort both my girls clicked with reading in year 2. The 9 year old is now. Total book worm. The 6 year old (late August birthday) has gone from stage 4 to stage 9 since September. Just keep chipping away at it and make sure reading is fun. Good luck.

Pigface1 Fri 12-May-17 18:17:43

As PPs have said I think you need to speak to the teacher and find it what's been said.

But I think your 'she'll catch up' attitude is the right one. She's so small that there's no point placing massive academic pressure on her. I know this was obviously over 2 decades ago and not directly relevant to your situation but my dad told me and a friend of mine who has a DS whose struggling in primary school a story a couple of weeks ago. Apparently a teacher I had in Year 4 told him I'd 'never amount to anything' because my concentration skills were so poor.

He said this conversation gave him and my mum sleepless nights - but if he could go back in time he would tell her where to get off and tell himself and my mum not to bloody worry about my concentration skills... because I was EIGHT. (I've done ok in life as it happens!)

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