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About boyfriends friend ?

(155 Posts)
onsleek Fri 12-May-17 13:13:01

I'm fully prepared to be told I really am being unreasonable here .
The backstory is that when me and my partner first got together over a year ago , his best friend (who is female if that's relevant) took his phone when they were on a night out and started messaging me when she was drunk . I thought it was odd but didn't really say anything .
Another time she took his phone and changed his screensaver from a picture of me to a picture of her . I was a bit 🙄😳 about that one but again let it go .
Last week my boyfriend went to stay with her for a night and again she took his phone and changed his profile picture on Facebook then started messaging me things about how she was happy he was happy with me ect and I was pretty upset about it this time because (I'm humiliated even typing this) he has private photos and videos of me on his mobile and the background on his phone was of me in my underwear and I just felt really embarrassed that she'd seen that and had been through his photos to be able to change his profile picture .
Anyway the next day he told her to apologise , which she did but very sarcastically and she just could not understand why I was upset . Now in a few weeks he is due to be spending a weekend away with her and this is awful but I'm really not comfortable with him going . Every time I think about what she has seen on his mobile I want to cry .Aibu to feel like this ?

Yukbuck Fri 12-May-17 13:20:07

She is being a bit odd but to be honest I think it's just their sense of humour. They are just friends so what are you worried for? For what it's worth I think it's really odd that your boyfriend has his screensaver as a photo of you in your underwear... anyone could get hold of his phone!

BaldricksTrousers Fri 12-May-17 13:21:40

Why was he staying with her? Her actions are completely out of order. She's trying to muscle in. He seems like he's encouraging her though, why would he let her do this? Does he get drunk with her often, without you?

YADNBU. Break it off with BF or tell him to stop seeing this person. It's all a big mess!

onsleek Fri 12-May-17 13:23:24

I'm not worried that something is happening between them or anything I just really dislike the invasion of privacy . I don't like her being able to see photos or read our conversations . If I'm messaging him then I kind of expect it to be him that replies ?
Yes they always drink when they're together and I've never met her so it's always without me lol

BaldricksTrousers Fri 12-May-17 13:24:15

Also, I would give money that they mess around when drunk and use it as an excuse. Where there's smoke, there's fire OP.

FoxesSitOnBoxes Fri 12-May-17 13:26:34

Not normal to have never met her. I really wouldn't be so sure this is all innocent.

tiredybear Fri 12-May-17 13:27:30

you've been together a year and have never met his best friend? why not?

badabing36 Fri 12-May-17 13:28:48

Why is he staying at her house overnight and going for weekends away with her?

I would be tempted to leave them to their drama, there are clearly feelings there. Have they ever had a fwb arrangement?

Shockers Fri 12-May-17 13:29:01

She's marking her 'territory'.

I'd be unhappy about the invasion of privacy; your boyfriend needs to tell her his phone is out of bounds.

VerySadInside Fri 12-May-17 13:29:52

Its a bit juvenile, I know lads that did this when we were teenagers. Sound almost like sibling banter, she wasn't messaging saying he loves her more or anything. Im not sure its worth crying over!

Him having you in your undies as his background is weird. People will see it all the time when he uses his phone in public.

My friends all know my phone password so i don't think it odd she goes through his pictures.

How long have they been best mates?

onsleek Fri 12-May-17 13:30:26

She lives a few hours away from me which is how we've never met . I have children from a previous relationship so can't just go off with him when he fancies it . He has also been working abroad for two months now so I'm upset that he's coming home but I won't actually be seeing him because he's going somewhere with her

Gazelda Fri 12-May-17 13:30:45

I'd be arranging to meet with her PDQ. Let her see that you're a real person, a fixture in his life. At the moment you are just someone she's heard him talk about and she seems to be letting you know that he's 'hers' first and foremost.
You might well get on and she'll feel embarrassed about her behaviour.

Jamhandprints Fri 12-May-17 13:30:48

He's loving having 2 girls fight over him. It's not a respectful way to treat you. I think you should ltb, he's being manipulative. X

Gazelda Fri 12-May-17 13:32:55

You've been together a year, he's been abroad for 2 months yet goes to spend time with her when he comes back into the country? That doesn't sound like a very strong commitment to you.

MrsExpo Fri 12-May-17 13:33:09

This all sounds like a bit of a train crash to my OP ... sorry!! You say he's your partner, but he has a "best friend" who is female, who he goes out drinking with, who you've never met and with whom he's about to go way for a weekend??? I agree you're not being unreasonable to dislike her messing with his phone, seeing pictures of you and messaging you in the way you describe, but this all sounds like recipe for relationship disaster to me.

BaldricksTrousers Fri 12-May-17 13:33:44

So he's coming home after two months abroad and is spending a weekend with her and not you?

You have moved from 'red flag' territory to 'how could she not see what was happening' territory

Unless you're really invested in this guy, let him go. Even if nothing is going on (which I doubt immensely), he is being insensitive and doesn't seem to be invested in you.

Writerwannabe83 Fri 12-May-17 13:33:48

This sounds really dodgy. I wouldn't trust him for a minute.

He's choosing to see her over you despite him having been away for two months?????

Sorry OP, but that's not normal hmm

Yokohamajojo Fri 12-May-17 13:34:47

I would definitely make sure he deletes anything of you from his phone that you would not be comfortable her seeing! I think it's odd behaviour too and very immature.

Justmadeperfectflapjacks Fri 12-May-17 13:35:01

He has been working abroad but is coming back to stay with her not you??
Op she is clearly the ow.
And you are enabling the relationship!!

badabing36 Fri 12-May-17 13:35:29

I don't think he is going to able to get serious with someone else while she is taking up a lot of his time with trips away and sleepovers.

He sounds a bit immature to be honest, and I agree with pps, putting a underwear pick as his phone background is disrespectful.

onsleek Fri 12-May-17 13:35:41

Sorry I should clarify , he was back the other week and I saw him for a night then he went and spent a night with her and that's when she was messaging again ect . So I have seen him since he went away and so has she

Justmadeperfectflapjacks Fri 12-May-17 13:36:44

I stand by my reply. . .

carjacker1985 Fri 12-May-17 13:37:00

Her seeing your photos is the least of your worries (as other PP said, people will see you in your undies every time he gets his phone out!)- but there is something very odd about their behaviour together, the fact that you've never met her. Men and women can be friends and it can be platonic but I wouldn't stand for this kind of immaturity from someone I'd never met, and the fact that he's encouraging it speaks volumes. Leave him and let them get on with it!

barrygetamoveonplease Fri 12-May-17 13:37:04

Hmm. In your position I'd be concerned that the two of them (a couple - at least from her point of view) were having a laugh at me (a single person with children).
He sounds like a man who loves to manipulate women for his own satisfaction.

AtrociousCircumstance Fri 12-May-17 13:37:26

OP this no good at all. He is emotionally tied to her and she is being hugely territorial. She is showing you very clearly that she is closer to him and has free rein with his phone and personal details. Also she is showing you he won't defend you or stop her properly - he's putting her feelings first.

And seeing her instead of you when he comes home?!

I'd be surprised if they haven't been physical.

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