Am i losing my mind or do I just need to get my big girl pants on?(19 Posts)
In need of advice, perspective or just a kick up the bum.
This morning I can't stop shaking, feeling panicked, can't concentrate, keep randomly bursting into tears, and just can't seem to get myself together.
I have three little ones ranging from 1-6 and two have fairly complex medical issues. The youngest has never slept more than 2 hours at a stretch day or night despite help from health visitors etc.
My partner works away so I'm on my own most of the time.
My own mum is recently disabled and can't help me at all and my MIL has multiple caring responsibilities with her own mum and her daughter.
This week I've found out my middle one has to have two surgeries; I've returned to work to work my notice after maternity leave; I've secured a new part time job to start in a few months; it's been my youngest's first birthday; I'm selling a house but it's fallen through; and now some building work we're having done at home has just gone horribly wrong and is going to cost us thousands to rectify.
I just feel completely broken today and it's just come out of nowhere. I'm fairky good at coping with stress but I'm physically wrecked today. My youngest was up for four hours straight between 1-5 last night and my middle one was up multiple times with breathing difficulties all night.
I'm totally exhausted and don't know whether this is just tiredness and feeling a bit overwhelmed or whether I'm actually losing the plot.
Do these symptoms seem like ones anyone has just brushed off before?
I've got no family support locally and I can't just send the kids to a friend as their combined medical needs are too much for anyone else to be responsible for.
Do I need to just suck it up and am I being a wimp or am I cracking up?
Didn't want to read and run.
I've had those kind of feelings with my one NT child, degree course, step children and partner. Overwhelmed, unable to sleep properly, constantly tired and worried. You're situation sounds a lot harder and more complex however. In time the symptoms have eased slightly.
You are definitely NOT being a wimp! You have a tremendous amount to be dealing with, on top of being physically exhausted through lack of sleep. It's a wonder you haven't crashed and burned before now.
You need help and support. As you have children under 5, your health visitor (if sympathetic) should be able to help - they can refer you to Home Start for example where you could get someone to come in once a week to help you out and provide moral support. It might be a good idea to speak to your GP as well.
Hope you can get some support from somewhere, this is too much for one person to be dealing with alone. And you are alone as your partner works away - would they consider getting a job closer to home?
Would your 2 with health issues get DLA and you carers' allowance? You could use the money to employ some help around the house, or you might be able to employ someone with a nursing/healthcare background to help with the children so you can rest when they've had a bad night?
You're NOT a wimp, you're being overwhelmed. First stop is the GP for ADs as a stopgap. Next, get help. Other posters will be better informed, but in the meantime have a hug.
I'm sorry, I don't have any useful advice, but I just wanted to say you are NOT being a wimp.
I hope things improve for you soon.
You are definitely not a wimp. I have no useful advice but lots of wishes that things get better soon.
I don't had any helpful advice, but right now go make a hot drink. Sit down, put some rubbish tv on. Give yourself 1 hour to stop thinking(as much as possible) and rest your mind a little. You can't think straight when the panic takes hold. BBC Iplayer has a programme about stress at the moment and it has some coping techniques. It's a pretty mindless programme too so I reccomend it.
Once you've given yourself a moemnt to get grounded you can start thinking about processing this stuff.
Can't help OP but really hoping your luck changes and things improve very very soon
You are absolutely not being a wimp
Can your dh take some leave to help you in the short term?
No of course, you're not a wimp, just overwhelmed and exhausted. I appreciate you can't send all the kids to a friend but could you send one? Who looks after them while you are at work - could you take sick leave and continue to send them to childcare so you can have a break?
My children are teenagers now but I had 4 under 5s (no medical needs) and remember locking myself in the bathroom and crying and regularly phoning my husband to come home early. So no, you're not unique but you do need help. Have you told your partner how you feel today - maybe he could take some time off or ask his mother to help out in the short term. It's not all down to you. Things will get better but you need to share the problem and admit to others that today you're not coping.
For starters you need more sleep - that automatically buggers your moods. Combine that with multiple (and I mean multiple) issues all taking up head space and causing anxiety and I'm amazed you're capable of posting on here. Can you get them all to sleep for a couple of hours so that you can have a nap yourself?
I don't know how you're still standing! Have you ever had a carer's assessment? Might be able to get direct payments to pay for some practical help.
You are not being a wimp, you are overwhelmed.
A suggested resource would be your local carers support group. Contact them and see if they have any ideas or resources that could support you at the moment as you have children with complex medical needs. You should also register as a carer with your local GP surgery too as that will also generate contact from the carers support group. Once you discuss your situation with them they will be able to assess what support they can offer you. It doesn't cost you anything but the time in talking. Sometimes a good chat through and cry is enough to lift you up again.
Things will get better OP, just hang in there.
When I got to this point I was signed off. You need sleep anyway you can get it. Getting signed off is not a reason to change childcare arrangements. It's for you to do what you need to do to get better before all the wheels fall off.
Can you access respite care?
A friend of mine gets this once a month when someone comes in to look after the kids for 24hrs for her.
Would depend on the complexity of the dc's medical needs but friend has dc with severe mental/development/behavioural issues and gets it.
Thanks so much everyone. I'm not feeling quite as wobbly now. A friend popped round unannounced earlier and I had a massive son and felt loads better. Am definitely going to see gp next week though (appointments permitting) as I felt so awful and still feel shaky.
Thanks again. I felt very alone earlier and MN was a huge comfort
How are you feeling today Sparkly ?
Sounds like you have a good friend there- please don't bottle things up and think you need to appear like superwoman all the time. You'll end up making yourself ill (speaking from personal experience ) If you can get a few supportive people around you like your friend who know the true situation, it will help you feel less isolated. I think you should tell your partner that your current situation is not sustainable too. After all, assuming they're his children, he needs to be taking some responsibility for the daily grind of caring for them. Wishing you all the best.
YANBU at all.
You need help and support, and respite. Round my way, social services are good at this sort of thing, it might be worth asking them for help. Also, if there are charities for the specific problems that your DC have, they may be able to offer help and support.
Someone I know got fantastic help from a spina bifida and hydrocephalus charity.
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