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To be struggling so much? (No kids involved andrinking possible trigger warning!)

(14 Posts)
JustGandering36 Thu 11-May-17 22:21:35

Hi, long time lurker first time poster! This may be long so I apologise...

So I was with my ex for 2 years and he was my first proper relationship so I was rather naive about his behaviour. Since splitting up I realised how badly he treated and controlled me. Some examples include constantly calling me fat or overweight (no where near fat in the slightest) but say it's just a joke, refused to let me drink beer on holiday as once again he said it made me fat, had to tell him where I was going and when but he was allowed to go on holidays with all his mates and only tell me 2 days before hand and when I asked where my invite was as I joke a typical response would be "why would I take a slag with me" or something to that effect and once again pass it off as a joke. The worst thing he did was rape me... I know most people say it's not possible because we were a couple but it can happen.

We split up as I found out he was messaging other girls behind my back and was cheating on me when I was caring for an extremely ill and extremely close family member who unfortunately died and that I still miss. This all happened about 3-4 months ago so I still feel raw and angry about everything.

Out of the blue yesterday he messaged me asking if I was okay and had I moved on. I saw red and finally said my piece about how crap he treated me however he continually argued against me until I blocked him from everything. My mom has just told me as that a hand written letter had arrived for me so no guesses who that is confused

Anyway I'm rambling, is bad that I still feel angry and am struggling with everything that this "man" has put me through and did to me or should I just be getting over it and bury everything?

JustGandering36 Thu 11-May-17 22:23:16

Brilliant obviously that title is wrong stupid autocorrect!

throwinshapes Thu 11-May-17 22:31:44

He was an abuse arse and a fucking rapist.
You did well to get rid.
Bless you- of course you're still reeling. flowers

JustGandering36 Thu 11-May-17 22:39:45

Thank you. I just don't think I realised just how badly he fucked me up.

Wolfiefan Thu 11-May-17 22:42:35

The fact you were in a relationship does NOT mean it's not possible he raped you. Of course it is rape if ANY man EVER has sex without consent.
I'm so sorry this happened to you. I don't think you can just magically decide to move on. You need a way to rebuild your self confidence and process what happened. flowers

thecatsabsentcojones Thu 11-May-17 22:43:21

That's horrendous. And of course it's rape even if you're in a relationship, no means no.
Feeling for you, so glad you had the strength to tell this piece of shit to do one.

Ladyformation Thu 11-May-17 22:45:36

You've done brilliantly to get away from this man. Take as much time to process everything as you need.

JustGandering36 Fri 12-May-17 07:34:18

Thank you all for your kind words. I just can't understand someone who is supposed to look after and care for your treats you like he treated me.

StillDrivingMeBonkers Fri 12-May-17 07:45:33

Out of the blue yesterday he messaged me asking if I was okay and had I moved on.

^^ that was all about control. He wanted a reaction and you gave him one.

Block, block, block and move on. Do not engage.

If you get any more contact, police for harassment and if you feel up to reporting the rape then please do so.

Wolfiefan Fri 12-May-17 08:21:32

OP it's because he's an abusive bastard. YY BLOCK. Don't engage.

fusspot66 Fri 12-May-17 08:24:12

Keep that handwritten letter. Don't read it yourself, get someone trusted to read it.
If he admits he forced you you may want to have that proof at a later date.
You're well rid by the sound of it.

JustGandering36 Fri 12-May-17 11:15:31

I do plan to keep the letter but I will be reading it as I want to know what he's got to say from himself. He is blocked from contacting me in pretty much every way.

Dozer Fri 12-May-17 11:18:20

I'm very sorry that happened to you. You might want to consider seeking support from a specialist rape organisation.

The Freedom Programme might be good for moving on from the abusive relationship.

Agree with PPs not to read the letter.

Dozer Fri 12-May-17 11:18:53

He is unlikely to give you any kind of "closure" or accept that his abuse was such.

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