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My Mother has started copying how I dress! Down to the last detail.

(51 Posts)
styledilemma Thu 11-May-17 10:46:28

I know this sounds petty in the grand scheme of things and makes me sound like I'm 15 hmm
I'm mid 40's mother is late 70s.
In the last couple of months my mother has gradually started wearing the same clothes as me.
Same style, same colour, in a lot of cases, the exact same item.
It's now expaneded into jewellery. A week ago, she wanted to know where I bought my watch,
now she has the same watch. It's slightly different but is the same make, colour and style as mine. Basically the same watch.
Same with shoes. Admires my shoes. Couple of days later - same shoes. Same colour, same material. Same type of shoe.
Bags. "Oh" I need a bag like that" She now has the same bag in the same colour.
Don't get me started on perfume.
She is due to go the hairdressers soon and I have a horrible feeling she will end up with the same colour and style as me. shock

I dread going out with her as we are now starting to look really strange. The odd item I can understand (shops are limited where we live) but every bloody thing?

Should I ignore it all and be flattered, or should I gently point out to her that she needs to stoop copying me and wear what she likes and what suits her.
Some of the colors I wear don't even suit her as I am very tanned and she is very pale. When she wears the same colours as me they wash her out.

What's even more bizarre is that I'm not even that stylish.

Should I ignore it all and be flattered, or should I gently point out to her that she needs to get her own style.
It's starting to get a bit annoying. It feels like she's stealing my identity. I'd love to know what's going on in her head

MagnumAddict Thu 11-May-17 10:50:38

Aw she obviously thinks you look great and wants to look just like you!

However.... I get that it's totally weird uncomfortable so maybe a compromise would be to take her out and point out things you think she would suit since she does trust your opinion?

BillyNotQuiteNoMates Thu 11-May-17 10:52:15

On a serious note, is it possible that she is actually ill? I can understand that it's frustrating, but that actually sounds quite worrying to me. It's not "normal" behaviour.

user1491572121 Thu 11-May-17 10:52:29

She might be having a bit of a crisis. Perhaps she's just trying to stay in touch and not 'look old'

Why don't you suggest that you go shopping with her? You could take her to shops you like but choose different things.

furballfantastic Thu 11-May-17 10:57:48

That's a very unusual situation!!

Don't know what to think really.

You could see the funny side.

You could check she's not ill. It does sound weird!

Or if it really bothers you, you will need to think of extending your style to something that would be extremely difficult for your DM to copy.

*Shop in out of the way places - really unusual boutiques. "Forget" where you sourced it when asked.
*Wear higher heels if you can. MUCH higher.
*Buy unusual rare perfume. Buy up stuff on Ebay from a discontinued line. Or get a personal one mixed for YOU.
*Grow your hair much longer if you can. Would be difficult for an elderly lady to do that.
*Get retro watches/handbags. Rare. Pre-owned. Can't just be bought easily by your DM on her next shopping trip.
*Internet shopping is your friend. Avoid the usual shops in your area.

MyheartbelongstoG Thu 11-May-17 11:02:02

I had a friend like this. She got pregnant, picked same names as me, clothes, make up, hair, everything. In the end I had some fun with her and she ended up getting a tattoo thinking I had!

Just tell your mum, maybe she doesn't know what to buy for herself so copies you instead.

justpoppingby Thu 11-May-17 11:12:01

I had a very similar thing with my mum happen, around the same ages too. I eventually just started going shopping with her and would point out things that would suit her, but, say I really like this or this would suit you. Hey presto she bought it, literally.
I still have to be quiet about things I really like but we still go shopping now and then and it still works.
She was incredibly individually stylish I recall, when I was very young but think she somehow lost that along the way then just used my style as default as I often have people comment on my clothing (not bragging just pointing out) I don't particularly think I'm stylish, I've been described as 'eclectically bohemian ' recently (wtf is that 😁) lol.
Anyway, I digress. Try some strategic shopping maybe, was my point. smile

muckypup73 Thu 11-May-17 11:20:55

I really dont undertsand why people have problems with things like this? she likes your style and thats it, no therapy needed.

Helenluvsrob Thu 11-May-17 11:29:27

I don't see it's a problem really, and you'll miss it when she's gone...

My mum was just like this, honestly to point at which I'd buy one for her in anticipation of the "ooh that's lovely can you get me one" .

I her last admission to hopital about 3 weeks befoe she died my sister and I went to the Cath Kidston outlet at St neots. We got flowery gillets. I wore mine to the hospital and as we parked up I looked at my sister and said, if she doesn't say " will you get me one we'll know shes really sick"....

Well not only did she want one but by the time we left she'd had the blooming thing off my back " it's so cheery to keep me cosy in bed" . And I reclaimed it after she died, knowing it had made her smile.

( got my own back though as I now have her stash or lovely long cashmere cardigans!)

Pinkheart5917 Thu 11-May-17 11:30:55

My Mum having the same bag as me, fair enough Wouldn't bother me.

If she came out of the hairdressers with my cut & colour, No mother not allowed.

Is your Mum a "young" 70 would you say? Maybe she's trying to be stylish and doesn't know where to start so she's copying you.

Kokusai Thu 11-May-17 11:31:06

Aw, she's twinning with you :-)
Funny!

Bantanddec Thu 11-May-17 11:35:34

Twins!! grin
Purple hair and lip piercing? grin

styledilemma Thu 11-May-17 11:45:20

Or if it really bothers you, you will need to think of extending your style to something that would be extremely difficult for your DM to copy.

that has crossed my mind.
I could always start wearing ripped jeans and black nail polish grin

Peregrane Thu 11-May-17 11:46:30

Could it be that your mother is finding it harder to shop now, full stop? So seeing nice things on you and knowing where they come from is helping her to buy nice things for herself. In other words, she might not be out to copy you, she might just be lacking in alternative shopping strategies.

I can imagine it might be overwhelming to shop in her late 70s, her sources of inspiration might have narrowed...

I like the compassionate approach suggested upthread, how about pointing out nice things for her that you think would suit her and would fit with her tastes?

styledilemma Thu 11-May-17 11:47:11

I had a friend like this. She got pregnant, picked same names as me, clothes, make up, hair, everything. In the end I had some fun with her and she ended up getting a tattoo thinking I had!

A tattoo hmm

styledilemma Thu 11-May-17 11:50:32

Could it be that your mother is finding it harder to shop now, full stop?

No, she loves shopping and is a very young late 70's.
So that's not it.

sparechange Thu 11-May-17 11:51:41

My MIL tuned up to lunch on Sunday wearing the exact same Boden outfit

She wore it best as well the stylish cow

silkpyjamasallday Thu 11-May-17 11:54:06

My mum did this when I was a teen for a while, but I didn't dress like a typical teen I suppose, between us we have 8 of the same skinny sleeve boxy bodied jumper in a variety of colours. We also have a few pairs of the same boots. I have curly hair and she used to get hers permed... but it hasn't ever annoyed me. I think now that she is a grandma it has stopped but who knows! I tend to buy mostly second hand and vintage anyway so hard to copy that unless you are willing to spend hours and hours sourcing a particular piece.

Jaxhog Thu 11-May-17 11:55:33

It does sound ever so slightly creepy.

But I would tell that it makes you rather uncomfortable. Then offer to go shopping with her to help her pick out her own style.

QueenofPentacles Thu 11-May-17 11:59:00

I think your Mum is lonely... is this possible? I also thinks she loves you very much.
Just have a kind little word.

Freshprincess Thu 11-May-17 12:00:07

I was just thinking of that mother daughter twinning thread on here. Is she starting a new career as a blogger/instagrammer? wink

styledilemma Thu 11-May-17 12:01:23

I've heard of friends blindly copying friends.
I didn't think this was a thing with mothers copying daughters. confused

styledilemma Thu 11-May-17 12:03:23

I don't think so Fresh, she still hasn't worked out how to use her smartphone, so can't see any blogging happening anytime soon smile

highinthesky Thu 11-May-17 12:08:40

And your problem is what?

My mum helps herself to any of my clothes that fit her, handbags, jewellery with my blessing. She will make a special trip to mine for outfits ahead of a holiday, I'm just pleased the stuff gets used as we don't get nearly enough of a summer.

I draw the line at sharing make-up but if I'm wearing a lipstick / blusher / facial moisturiser etc that she likes will get it for her too. We've worked this way for years. I'm 43 and she'll be 70 this year, and has been claiming to be my younger sister for the last 20 confused

PoorYorick Thu 11-May-17 12:08:48

Start pretending to like shit stuff.

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