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Stepmum is getting upset about dds hair

(285 Posts)
mamasita11 Wed 10-May-17 20:53:10

We are a blended family. I have 2 DDs and 1 son. My husband has twin DDs and 2 sons. One of my DDs is the same age as the twins. We have a shared custody agreement with his kids where he has them for one month, their mum has them for the next. I get on well with their mum in general, she's a nice lady. However, yesterday the twins and my DD had a party to go to with a friend of theirs from school (all children attend same school) and I took all three girls because she was busy. Whilst getting my DD ready for the party, I did her hair in space buns with glitter in. Her twins saw what I was doing and asked for the same thing, I did it on them and had a nice time doing it with different colours of glitter and everything. Today I received this message: Hi mamasita11, I'd be very grateful if you didn't do the DDs hair again as I don't like the hairstyle and think it's too old for them. Please let DH do their hair from now on as they're our children and I'd rather their parent did their hair than you.

Is it just me who thinks that's really off or should I just nod my head and agree?

PeaFaceMcgee Wed 10-May-17 20:56:24

Yanbu. You are obviously good enough for childcare, but not good enough to have fun with them.

Silly moo. Probably jealous she can't​ do their hair like that herself!

honeysucklejasmine Wed 10-May-17 20:57:10

How did she even know about it? It would be a bit sad to have to refuse to do their hair in future.

AnnieAnoniMouse Wed 10-May-17 20:57:56

Either completely ignore or..

'It's really irrelevant who you would like to do their hair when they're living with us. When they are here DH & I decide who does what'.

Job done.

HildaOg Wed 10-May-17 20:58:52

Everybody has different standards for their own kids, we all have things which on face value may seem unreasonable to others but they're not, they're just different.

I'd stay out of it, let your husband do their hair from now on. It's not worth upsetting the other parent and causing stress.

SaucyJack Wed 10-May-17 20:59:28

How long have you been with their father? How old are they?

Seems like an overreaaction on the face of it certainly, but there's two sides to every story yadda yadda.

AyeAmarok Wed 10-May-17 20:59:39

God, I've just had a flashback to my dad doing my hair before school when I was young. He just stood there holding it wondering how the fuck you got a hair bobble on close to the head.

AlternativeTentacle Wed 10-May-17 20:59:57

Yeah totally out of order.

I'd probably respond 'Seriously? Wow. I thought your message would say thanks for taking them to the party when I couldn't. You're welcome by the way.'

Justmadeperfectflapjacks Wed 10-May-17 21:00:10

Just send a smiley emoji back!!
Daft bint!!
What did dh say?!

scottishdiem Wed 10-May-17 21:01:16

Well its clear that she is not in a good place with her ex and you being together. Some women are just never going to cope with other women doing parent type things with their kids.

Let your DH know and offer to show him how to do the kids hair in the same way. And also tell DH that if his ex doesnt want you doing parent things with his children she should let him know so that you dont annoy her again by helping to parent her children when they are not with her for a month.

NapQueen Wed 10-May-17 21:01:34

Id reply "gosh, I didnt realise hairstyles fell into parent-only territory. No problem, ill let dh know thats his area now" then leave dh do the hair or leave it scraggly.

RhodaBorrocks Wed 10-May-17 21:02:50

Hang on, you put their hair in buns and she says it's too grown up?

Unless they needed tons of heat styling, hairspray or backcombing then YANBU.

Teach DH to do funky hair styles if her complaint is he should be doing it. grin

mamasita11 Wed 10-May-17 21:03:05

I've been with their father 2 years and the girls are 5. I've been doing hairstyles since they were 3!

Squishedstrawberry4 Wed 10-May-17 21:04:06

'Oh it was just a bit of fun. They had a great time putting the sparkles and colour in'

UnicornSparkles1 Wed 10-May-17 21:04:21

It's really off. I'd want to fire back something along the lines of "take your own kids to their party next time" but for the sake of peace I'd just ignore and carry on as normal.

Floralnomad Wed 10-May-17 21:04:44

Just ignore , do what you like on your month and when you have them on her month don't send them home with glitter in their hair on a school night - which is probably what the real issue is .

InapproOrNo Wed 10-May-17 21:04:45

So you can't be in loco parentis when it comes to hair, but you're allowed to be when it comes to taking them to a party because she can't?

Tell her to fuck off, the bint.

HeartsTrumpDiamonds Wed 10-May-17 21:05:21

What does your DH say?

And "too old for them"?? What child is too young for a bit of glitter in their hair? It's not like you sent them out with a full face of make up and false eyelashes!

PaulDacresFeministConscience Wed 10-May-17 21:06:03

Pass it to your DH to deal with. His ex-W so it's up to him to go back to her - and what he should be saying is that what happens to their hair in your house is up to you and him.

InapproOrNo Wed 10-May-17 21:06:10

Your DH needs to tell her to get back in her box too. I would never let my ex speak to my DH like that.

BreakfastAtSquiffanys Wed 10-May-17 21:07:26

She doesn't like the hairstyle? Well her DDs do like it and it's their hair

JoWithABow Wed 10-May-17 21:07:47

I think it's good she feels ok to ask you this. Yes it might seem trivial and silly to you but if it's important to her mum then I think you need to respect that. I can see the way she's worded it could make you feel like it's a judgement on your parenting, but try and separate that from her overall request. I think just roll your eyes and message her back to say no problem. It's better to be the bigger person here and not make this into a bigger deal than it needs to be, especially as you say you generally get on ok and she's a nice person. It's not worth ruining that over something so small.

HeartsTrumpDiamonds Wed 10-May-17 21:07:57

Ah yes I hadn't thought about glitter-y hair at school, maybe she is annoyed at having to wash it out? Still doesn't excuse the general arseiness of her message.

GrumpyoldBlonde Wed 10-May-17 21:08:09

Maybe it wasn't hair washing night and it was a faff to get glitter out and hair dried for school. She could have worded it better and you were kind to take them all to the party but I reckon getting the hair back to normal was a chore she could have done without to her mind so if she's generally a nice woman let it go.

NapQueen Wed 10-May-17 21:08:17

Surely glittery hair buns are for young children???? You dont see many grown ups sporting this look.

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