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Rebuilding marriage after his affair

(7 Posts)
Myheartisalonelyhunter Wed 10-May-17 20:26:20

So my partner and I have been together almost 30 years. He was my first real relationship and we've been together since my teens. He's 13 years older then me.

Recently he admitted to having an affair. But only gave the basic outline. And ,it turns out, lied to minimise it.
I went to the o.w who told me more detail. We have agreed to try again ,
But he will not answer any questions I have about their relationship. Not a thing. He just goes quiet. All I can think about are things I want answers to about it.

Has anyone ever been in a similar situation? Any advice on how to cope. Am I right in thinking I'm owed answers to any questions I have? Any suggestions on how to convince him to answer me??
Please help. I feel like I'm going crazy .

LilacSpatula Wed 10-May-17 20:28:53

Counselling might be a good suggestion but it sounds like he is totally minimising not just the affair but also your feelings. Has he apologised? Said why he felt the need to do this? How did you decide to give it another go?

LilacSpatula Wed 10-May-17 20:30:06

You know no one deserves to be treated like this, I hope? Perhaps also ask yourself if you really want to know the details. Perhaps you just don't feel he is genuinely sorry?

expatinscotland Wed 10-May-17 20:30:27

He's minimising.

ImperialBlether Wed 10-May-17 20:31:53

Well, in my experience if they say nothing it means it's worse than you thought it was.

It's so disrespectful to you and I wonder whether you've just accepted him back into the relationship too quickly.

What does he say when he says he wants to stay with you? What reasons does he give?

Unfortunately, just because he wants it to blow over, it doesn't mean that's what's possible for you.

Were you happy before the affair?

MadeForThis Wed 10-May-17 20:44:56

How can you attempt to rebuild the relationship if you aren't fully aware of the facts. If he is minimising and hiding the truth then it can never be behind you.

What happens in 6 months or a year when more is revealed and you have to suffer again and try to get over it. Or can't?

You need to be aware of the fact so you can decide what is best for you.

Myheartisalonelyhunter Fri 12-May-17 22:13:48

He's away for a few days now. I've told him. Answer or its over... He didn't respond very clearly. So will have to see what happens when he comes back.

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