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To not want DH to go

(73 Posts)
Lisa9819 Wed 10-May-17 02:32:01

My in laws have asked DH to help them with something ON Mother's Day that would take up a large portion of the day. We already have plans to take MIL out to eat and celebrate her with family in the evening. When DH told me they asked him for this favor (no type of emergency), I was really annoyed. They have a history of making inconsiderate demands of us and guilting us heavily when we don't comply with their wishes. I told DH that we usually celebrate me in the morning or day and it makes me sad they think this is a time to ask for a favor. AIBU to be upset by this and to tell DH I don't really want him to go? Or should I just let him go and do something by myself with the kids?

PollyGasson24 Wed 10-May-17 02:39:31

YANBU if you'll be seeing them later in the day anyhow! Tbh, your DH is being a bit lame by accepting and not considering your feelings on mother's day in the first place. Can't he do it on Saturday instead?

Lisa9819 Wed 10-May-17 03:06:14

He did consider and ask me first if he should do it. I told him I thought it was our time, but then I wondered if I was being selfish. :/

IAmTheWorwax Wed 10-May-17 03:10:23

It's not for another year, why are you getting so upset now?

lazydog Wed 10-May-17 03:13:47

We don't all live in the UK Worwax. It's this Sunday in USA, Canada, Australia and quite probably lots of other places too smile

Lisa9819 Wed 10-May-17 03:21:46

Yes, not in the UK. It's this weekend where I live.

MrsTerryPratchett Wed 10-May-17 03:29:50

Asking you first just makes it worse. That makes your choices;

1. Say that he shouldn't see you and feel shit
2. Say that he should see you and feel selfish.

It's a dick move.

user1491572121 Wed 10-May-17 03:56:43

I just can't get worked up about it all. It's so LABOURED when there is upset over it.

What do you want to DO with your family on that day? How do you "celebrate" at home?

Is it all about worship of you? Sorry if I sound mean...I can't understand people...grown women, wanting life to stop because it's "Mother's Day"

FluffedIt Wed 10-May-17 05:31:25

That does sound mean..It isn't wrong to want to be acknowledged on Mother's Day. To see that all the effort is appreciated.

That said I don't think it counts when you've had to engineer it so if he's made plans already then I wouldn't make him cancel it.

Ginfernal Wed 10-May-17 05:57:46

She's his Mother. Not you. She won't live forever.
You have many years ahead of you to celebrate Mother's day with your children. YABU

Fruitcorner123 Wed 10-May-17 06:03:36

I think it's mean and would ask him not to do it. I assume your DC are too young to make a fuss of you without him. If they are older DC then maybe not so bad.

harshbuttrue1980 Wed 10-May-17 06:16:05

You want to "celebrate you"?? Surely you can't expect to dictate when/if you are celebrated?? You sound spoilt and childish.

dontbesillyhenry Wed 10-May-17 06:18:38

I can just imagine you all doing the praise you dance

Meluzyna Wed 10-May-17 06:18:52

I don't see the problem - he will do something with HIS mother, your kids will be with THEIR mother....... if it was your wedding anniversary or your birthday or if the ILs were preventing you seeing your own mother or kids I can see how you would be unhappy.
I will end up seeing my MiL (who I barely tolerate) rather than my own Mum or kids on Mother's Day (also coming up at the end of the month))- that's just the way life is sometimes. Try to be the bigger person and not put your DH in an awkward position.

ifeelcraptonight Wed 10-May-17 06:21:36

Is your DH taking his mother out and leaving you at home?

Selena88 Wed 10-May-17 06:29:43

Depends what it is they want him to do. On the whole, I tend to be of the opinion that as you are not DH's mother then his Mother's Day should be primarily with his own mother, unless you have very young children.

ifeelcraptonight Wed 10-May-17 06:31:12

If you have very young kids, surely Mothers Day is tea and toast in bed and a home made card? And unless her DH is staying at his parents overnight from sat to sun, that can still happen.

pictish Wed 10-May-17 06:31:26

You're not his mother? It's handmade cards and a bunch of daffs for you until your own kids have grown up surely?

Mummyoflittledragon Wed 10-May-17 06:36:48

Where I live it's dads taking the children out to give mums a break. I wouldn't be impressed at the demand. There are 52 other weekends in the year. Can't it wait 7 days?

WateryTart Wed 10-May-17 06:37:00

He's been asked to do something for his mother on Mother's day. I don't see why that is a problem. As has been said, you aren't his mother.

Geillis Wed 10-May-17 06:37:47

"We celebrate me in the morning or day"?

How are you expecting to be celebrated exactly? Sorry if that sounds mean, it isn't meant that way, but it does make you sound a bit, erm.. Royal?

FrancisCrawford Wed 10-May-17 06:41:40

Yes, his mother has asked her son for a favour on Mother's Day.

Not seeing the issue.

LightYears Wed 10-May-17 06:45:09

Sounds like they've got form for this sort of thing. Yes, I'd say something to your husband. Sounds like he needs to use the word NO more often.

BollardDodger Wed 10-May-17 06:47:48

We don't all live in the UK Worwax
As this is a UK website, it may be helpful to tell people that in the opening post if it is likely to be an issue rather than dripfeeding the information.

ifeelcraptonight Wed 10-May-17 06:51:47

How should I be getting celebrated next Mother's Day? I'm thinking a Hawaiian style dance with grass skirts and a red carpet?

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