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aibu to be shit scared now dd is driving

(37 Posts)
howtopickausername Tue 09-May-17 22:25:02

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Popsicle434544 Tue 09-May-17 22:40:01

I cant talk u down sorry but can hand hold flowersbrewcake
my dd has started driving herself and i hate it sad
Currently sat in bed in dark just waiting for front door to open so i know shes home safe sad

PurpleWithRed Tue 09-May-17 22:41:47

DD started driving at 18 and I felt the same way. I'm a bit better now she's 24 but not cured. My mum is 97, I'm 58 and have been driving for 30+ years and I think she still feels nervous when I'm at the wheel.

howtopickausername Tue 09-May-17 22:42:08

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JustKeepDancing Tue 09-May-17 22:43:34

Would it be worth offering to pay for a pass plus course for her? It might give her the motorway experience with an instructor to reiterate blind spot checks, and give you a bit more peace of mind? As well as bringing insurance down, from what I remember.

ImperialBlether Tue 09-May-17 22:44:45

Pay for a Pass Plus course and buy her a Volvo!

I know what you mean - it terrifies me when my daughter drives.

hellsbells99 Tue 09-May-17 22:46:46

I've got two driving and I hate it too. Luckily they are both 1st years at university so only drive now during holidays or weekend visits home. I am so glad they haven't got a car at university and as they are both living in cities, hopefully won't do for the duration of their course.

howtopickausername Tue 09-May-17 22:48:15

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

howtopickausername Tue 09-May-17 22:50:52

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

llangennith Tue 09-May-17 22:51:36

I'm now grateful that my eldest DD was such a 'careful' driver she rarely got beyond third gear for years😂

JustKeepDancing Tue 09-May-17 22:52:02

Who is paying the insurance? If it's you I'd lay the law down and say it's not optional... But unfortunately I suppose if it's her there's not a lot you can do there...

Etymology23 Tue 09-May-17 22:53:05

Can you take her out for some "advanced" driving techniques lessons? I'd be limiting the distance she was travelling til she was more experienced if I could, but I know that's easier said than done.

howtopickausername Tue 09-May-17 22:53:36

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howtopickausername Tue 09-May-17 22:54:46

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

howtopickausername Tue 09-May-17 22:56:28

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Etymology23 Tue 09-May-17 22:58:46

If it's any consolation, I've been driving for years and years now. When I'd just passed I reversed into the garage door (no damage done) and scraped it on a gatepost (polished out by the magic power of dad). Mum refused to get in a car with me for years, but I have driven tens of thousands of miles and have never crashed! Hopefully it'll be ok - but if you can find her any scary stats about eg number of crashes/how much insurance increases after a crash then might they work? Cold hard facts can sometimes be quite effective.

mrsmalcolmreynolds Tue 09-May-17 23:02:08

OP I'm sorry you're feeling this way but I do think YABU, and not totally rational. Life involves lots of potentially hazardous situations for our DC and not being able to sleep for worry due to non-specific concerns sounds very very anxious to me.

alfagirl73 Tue 09-May-17 23:02:57

As a professional driver trained for obviously advanced driving, could you not go out with her and pass on some of your expertise? I don't mean driving at silly speeds etc... I mean about reading the road and actual real driving to an advanced level. Would she accept that kind of help/advice/guidance? It would improve her driving, boost her confidence, and probably make you feel a bit better about the whole thing.

There are a lot of young inexperienced drivers out there, but what frustrates me is that everyone complains about them but no one seems to take them out and show them how to REALLY drive (passing the test is one thing - real driving is another) and everyone wants them to stay off motorways etc.... but how will they ever get the experience if they're not out driving? Have you taken her out on the motorway and given advice?

If you don't want to take her out driving (or if she wouldn't be receptive to her parent's advice) - perhaps look at an advanced driving course or something (if she's interested) so she learns to drive at a much higher standard.

Foxyloxy1plus1 Tue 09-May-17 23:04:57

I think most new drivers have to have a scrape or two. You just hope that they're minor and only damage the car not the person. It really is horrid when they're young and driving on their own for the first time. I hated it too.

Butterymuffin Tue 09-May-17 23:10:03

I do get your worry, but if it's stopping you sleeping, it's something you need to get help with as a worrying level of anxiety. You're going to be particularly aware of all the dangers of it. Look at it the other way: she won't get stuck having to walk home through a dodgy area, or be stranded at night if there's no public transport.

SalemsCat Tue 09-May-17 23:15:43

I completely understand how you feel, I used to have palpitations when my dd first started driving, suffice to say its been 6 years now and she's only had one scrape, in a car park ffs! It's totally natural to be worried wine

Shewhomustgowithoutname Tue 09-May-17 23:23:35

My DC got a driving licence a couple of years ago. There was a big car (more like a tank) that she could have had but she wanted a very specific car too. She drives at excessive speeds even with DGC and me in the car. I warned her that police were hiding on a certain road and got shouted at.
The strangest thing is that despite the fact that I have had a licence since I was 17 and have had a higher grade licence too SUDDENLY according to DC I am useless driving now.
It is a constant worry but they will not listen. They know best and we the mums don't know anything.

AcrossthePond55 Tue 09-May-17 23:44:58

Both of mine got their licenses and a car at 16. You didn't say but I assume she's over 18? That limits you obviously since she's an adult. But if she is under 18 remember that you have the authority to restrict her driving (after dark, carrying passengers) as you see fit.

Yes, you worry. But you can't wrap them in cotton wool.

viques Wed 10-May-17 00:38:09

I do wish we had the restrictions on new drivers that other countries have, eg speed restrictions, restricting passengers etc, it is not just the new drivers that are at risk, it is other drivers too.

TrinityTaylor Wed 10-May-17 00:45:32

I do understand but this sounds like unusual levels of anxiety of a very normal thing.

Try and think rationally about it - what can you actually do? Physically stop her driving? Somehow get her license taken away? No. She needs to become an independent adult at some point and driving is a major part of that. She doesn't sound like she's going really far, hair appointments, work and the cinema is nothing major.

If you are that worried then tell her - be honest about your feelings and say you've paid for a few extra lessons, and you'll take her out somewhere nice for a meal after she completes them. That's about as much as you can do.

Otherwise it's deep breaths and trying to tackle the anxiety, which is very hard, regardless of it's roots.

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