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To hate being a high functioning autistic?

(14 Posts)
user1490817986 Mon 08-May-17 14:33:03

My MH is fragile as hell because I struggle to cope with simple everyday things. I wasn't diagnosed until 17, I have sensory overload whenever i'm out in public, it's so bad I automatically dissociate (Derealization) from my surroundings which is terrifying.

As I'm walking the the shop some idiot beeps the car at me at the lights as I'm trying to cross the road (with sensory overload and derealisation) by brain is frantically trying to process all this information and now trying to recognise who the fuck this person is that is waving at me. Crossing roads are terryfying for me, cars coming up and down the road, some so fast and I don't trust my judgements because I'm detached from my surroundings most of the time and my brain is overloaded. I've just walked back home and burst into tears, I only went out to get some milk and a kitkat.

On top of that some stupid twat from the Jobcentre keeps harassing me for interviews as I'm in the WRAG group of ESA. This also means I have to miss my art therapy group this week which is the only thing I enjoy and helps me, apart from my cat.

I'm fed up of people saying I don't look/act autistic. I'm fed up of trying to fit in and pretend to give a fuck about social chit chat. I wish I looked autistic (whatever the fuck that is) so maybe then people would stop pressuring me to be normal and pushing me beyond my limits.

I have a PIP assesment in October (moving from DLA). I'm terrified they will cut/stop my money and I'll have to move back in with my mum.

BorpBorpBorp Mon 08-May-17 14:54:37

I don't have any advice, but I didn't want to read and run. I'm so sorry that you're struggling. You made it back home safe, that's a win. I have an autistic (and otherwise disabled) friend being fucked about by the DWP, it's shit.

Do you have friends (meatspace or online) with autism?

hellokittymania Mon 08-May-17 23:14:26

Hi, I totally understand. I have a visible disability so people are usually quite understanding but I also have additional special needs. I like Routine and get very overwhelmed by lots going on so I try and do things at certain times of the day if I can. I don't like taking the London underground during rush hour or going into certain areas when I know school has just ended.

I have a job and have not tried to do certain things like apply for benefits yet as I do not even have a registered GP. I wasn't living here until about three years ago and I had to adapt to a lot of things. I rent a flat independently now with some additional support but A long time to learn how to do simple things.

Can you join some Facebook groups or even talk to people on sites like wrong planet? I think it's called wrong planet, I haven't used it in a while. It's a chat forum for people With ASD

helpimitchy Tue 09-May-17 00:09:39

I know, it's really tough. People think you're doing stuff by choice and then keep demanding more and more. It's exhausting sad

Are you getting any help with your PIP assessment? There are people who can help you fill the forms in.

FelineEleganza Tue 09-May-17 06:17:16

Hey OP, feel free to PM if you need advice about the PIP (or just want to chat!)

I'm in the same boat, high functioning and diagnosed at 18 (now 21) and awarded highest rate of the living section of PIP. It can feel like a massive struggle, sometimes it feels like I'm from another planet.

ProudAS Tue 09-May-17 06:21:12

Have you contacted the NAS? They may be able to put you in touch with a local support group.

TheKrakenSmith Tue 09-May-17 08:07:04

I couldn't read and run, but I'm HFASD too and I hate it so, so much. Oh I don't look autistic? Great, well I am so if I could have a grain of understanding, that'd be fab. But no. Hugs. No practical help, because I've gotta be honest, I've not seen anything that could help me. Always about if you wanna pm, we sound slightly similar I symptoms, so I do get it. YANBU.

LogicalPsycho Tue 09-May-17 08:28:49

flowers OP, of course YANBU.

DS is HFASD and what you've described sounds like how he processes the world at times. He's said he wishes he could just switch off because his head is too busy many times.
When DD1&2 are home, he wears noise cancelling headphones because their arguing and constant stream of chatter drives him up the wall.

I've read that certain low dose anti-depressants are also used to help calm social anxiety disorders, perhaps this would be worth looking into, if you haven't already?

As for the DWP making things difficult for people with disabilities or MH conditions, don't get me started. I'm still fighting on behalf of a relative (not DS) with both OCD and Schizophrenia to have their PIP reinstated, after it was sanctioned for not attending an appointment. Kind of difficult when the claimant is in hospital on a Section. They really do seem ruthless.

I'll say it again, as the Mum of someone living with HFASD, YADNBU flowers

notanevilstepmother Tue 09-May-17 08:28:52

It's crap isn't it. I manage to hold down a job, but have gone part time.

I hate crossing the road and always try to use crossings even if it means walking further.

I'm not sure how we are supposed to look autistic.

Wrong planet is the name of the website and forum.

Hope you feel better now.

notanevilstepmother Tue 09-May-17 08:31:58

Also does everyone know about the autism act. It means there should be provision for us.

It's not sorted out well but in theory it should be there and it may be worth mentioning to the jobcentre.

notanevilstepmother Tue 09-May-17 08:43:04

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett Tue 09-May-17 08:48:02

Of course YANBU and I'm sorry things are so tough.

But first things first, you have to prioritise the PIP assessment. Do you have an advocate to support you? Google what's available locally and get some help with that assessment - there's too much at stake to go it alone. I also found this autism women's network which might help?

user1490817986 Thu 11-May-17 19:54:29

Thank you for the kind replies. I have been thinking about working for the NAS as they said they welcome applications from people with autism and they'll also make reasonable adjustments in the workplace i.e dim lighting etc. I've been checking their website for a suitable job- something admin/office based. At the moment they only seem to have support worker roles which I don't think I could do.

As for the pip, my tenant support worker said he would help me with the form when I get the letter to switch over.

Thank you notanevilstepmother and Lonny I will have a look at those links.

I'm also trying to apply for a free bus pass but the woman at the transport dept I spoke to at my local council was quite rude to me and said I probably wouldn't be entitled to one, despite my autism making it difficult for me to get out and about alone, let alone learn to drive. I also get lost easily even on familiar routes.

manicinsomniac Thu 11-May-17 20:02:05

Of course YANBU

Nobody can be expected to like having their particular disability or illness. Maybe a very few do, I guess, I don't know. But I'm fairly sure yours must be the majority view.

I don't have a disability but I have several invisible illnesses/conditions which can cause similar difficulties to yours (Bipolar, Anxiety, Anorexia - slightly visible I guess but not massively so - and OCD) and certainly hate them. Though have to say I'm extremely grateful that they are invisible - wouldn't want everybody to know about them!!

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