I've worked all my life until a few years ago when I had a huge, awful breakdown. My MH is now the best it's been for ages but I still struggle, there are days I can't bear to leave the house and my immune system is on the floor so I get every bug going.
I'm in a great routine now of school runs, housework, plenty of time to myself and very little stress. I'm fairly sure that that's key to my continuing recovery.
Dh earns very decent money and I have no qualifications, so any job would be a minimum wage gig. I did have a brief stint as a sales manager before my crash, but as it turns out I got that job bullshitted my way into it while hypomanic and it wasn't sustainable. I have three DC and the thought of going back to the merry go round of holiday childcare and before and after school clubs leaves me absolutely gibbering. We wouldn't see any financial gain when you take everything into account. I'm also in a bit of a benefits trap in that if I get a job I'd obviously lose ESA, and then if it doesn't work out I'd have to go through the whole awful process of reapplying.
No one wants me to work, dh and the kids are very happy to have me at home (they're very happy to have me alive, frankly) but I do get the fear and guilt sometimes over being a drain on everyone. I was reading a thread earlier about a SAHM with a teenager and she got absolutely slated, and I worry that people think I'm just a lazy cunt who leeches off dh.
Should I just make peace with the fact this is how it is? Is anyone else in a similar situation and knows what I'm babbling on about?
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To think I may never work again?
54 replies
GreenHairDontCare · 08/05/2017 08:37
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