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To want to move away from here

(6 Posts)
User874645374 Sun 07-May-17 19:03:38

Just what the title of the thread says really.

But it is more complicated with two dc's - one starting at a really good school soon (secondary) and needing to find a good primary for the other.

Basically we have very little extended family; just one sibling who is very little support to us and he and my dh don't get on. I am estranged from my parents - one lives abroad the other just 40 minutes from here and I am also estranged from my other sibling who lives about 40 minutes in similar direction to estranged parent also- both of these individuals know where I live but have not bothered to visit or even to try to make contact - very complicated and I'm not sure that I would want them back in my life anyway but nevertheless they know where I live and could at any time. I would like to change my address and put more distance between me and them; it is painful. I have another reason for moving away from here - I suffered a devastating late miscarriage and I feel that a physical change might do me good because there are a lot of reminders around here of what should have been. The house needs work doing on it but my heart just doesn't seem to be in it. I do have friends (3) that live nearby but I guess I only see each of them once a week at most, and we have no pull to move nearer significant people such as extended family.

I'm thinking of staying in the county (would love to totally relocate but can't for work/school reasons) and it would honestly mean sticking a pin in a map regarding a move to another part of the UK. So I'm not thinking of a massively drastic change - across the county; accept if I move, it is likely I won't know anyone.

Has anyone experienced a lot of rubbish in their life and made a move however small - did it help? I would love to hear your experiences as finding somewhere to move to that suits us all is proving really difficult at the moment and I feel stuck.


user1491572121 Mon 08-May-17 07:08:10

I think that given your child who is about to begin at a good secondary, it would be quite unreasonable to move out of the area. Moving to another house in an area which will allow your child to still attend that school would probably be enough of a change.

You're looking for something that you won't find unfortunately....I would also suggest counseling. flowers

LindyHemming Mon 08-May-17 07:18:36

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

justkeepswimmingg Mon 08-May-17 08:57:12

We moved about 6 months after my DS was stillborn. I have to say it helped a huge amount, but we didn't move for that reason. It really did help me recover, and heal. Did my mental health some good too. If you believe this move will benefit your family as a whole, I say go for it, but don't hang about deciding. You need to research good areas, with great schools, and ensure your DDs both have guaranteed places to start at the new school year. Also to think about the impact on your DD in regards to moving, sometimes it can do more harm than good. Whatever you choose to do, I wish you and your family luck flowers

monkeytree Mon 08-May-17 10:07:04

Thanks JustKeepSwimming and I'm sorry to hear about your Ds, it is ladies like you that I was hoping might respond to my post. This is not a knee jerk reaction - it has been two years since the mc - so I have left it well beyond the recommended year to make any major decisions etc. My eldest dd wouldn't be affected in terms of school as long as we stay in the county - she has got into a very good grammar school so we just need to be within striking distance really. Eldest dd has friends here but now that her two best friends are going to a different school and I have to say pulling away from dd a bit (one hasn't been all that nice either), so I don't have that strong reason to stay here now either. Young dd is in pre-school and I strongly believe that she will adjust to whichever school she goes to. I know you say that you didn't move for that reason keepswimming but it is interesting to hear how you feel that the move benefited your mental health, it strengthens my belief that it could be the right thing to do. I suspected that I might get the response get some counselling from certain individuals - well I did; for over a year and feel that this course of action as I say this is not a knee jerk reaction.

justkeepswimmingg Mon 08-May-17 11:41:21

Sounds like a good time for you to make this change then OP. If you don't do it, you may always have that feeling of 'what if', and at least this way you can make a fresh start. It's not as if it's an impulsive move, you've thought about the effects, so I'd say go for it. Happy mum = happy kids. I really hope it works out for you smile

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